Walking Forward in Faith on the Ever Changing Path of Life...

Sometimes it's easy, sometimes easier, sometimes harder, and sometimes very difficult. It's harder right now. But there are many, many blessings in my life and I focus on them and the truth that I am striving to live for the Lord and not myself. Some of my favorite many blessings...

My Loving Husband- He's healthy, He's thoughtful, He's a Wonderful Daddy to Abby, He provides for us with a job with the benefits of travel and health insurance and is OFTEN home, and He loves me with an unconditional love that is truly from God

My Precious Daughter- Abby is learning, Abby is walking and talking and playing, Abby is growing, Abby's health is relatively stable, Abby is home with me in the school house and we are sharing precious moments, Abby's growing a love for the Lord and is just a generous gift that keeps on giving...

I have a beautiful home in which we entertain many friends, where we have devotion to the Lord each morning and prayer time for Him each night as a family, where we are kept warm when it is cold outside and where we gather around the fire each night to be together... and of course where I can rearrange furnishings and "freshen".

My precious dog whom brings me much joy just by bouncing around on the floor and snuggling next to me...

Friends, many friends whom love us and shower us with prayers and friendship... friends who celebrate with us, friends who cry with us, friends who gather near when we need them... special God sent friends whom we have never even met!

And I am the daughter of a Loving, Faithful, Sovereign God who desires a relationship with me in which I am with Him daily, die to Him daily, Trust in Him daily, Praise Him daily, seek Him daily, and obey Him daily... and He loves me with a love my human mind can not comprehend, and He has plans for me that I can not know, and He has a will for me that is perfect... He speaks to me and comforts me through the precious and sacred holy gift and presence of His Holy Spirit... and He guides me with His very hand...




So it is hard, but we will continue walking forward... in Faith


These beautiful photos were taken by our precious friends Missy and Brian. Thank you a thousand times again. http://www.momentsbymissy.com/

The School House is Rockin

Abby rocked at school today, thankfully. She had a seizure yesterday morning and so school was a loss yesterday. Today she sounded out new words and is clearly on her way to reading. I am filled with so much happiness to hear her sound out words!

So this is how we play at the school house! Who needs snow? Here in Georgia, all we need is a hill and a good box!

I came home from errands today to find Abby and her daddy waiting to show me their new trick! It was awesome. Even I went down our little hill in the front yard... thankfully there are no pictures of that one!

Sock monkey and new butterfly baby accompanied Abby on her rides until Sam came out to join her. There are two ways to land. The good way and the not so good way. MOST of the time we have good landings... but every now and then they are a bit rough and high!

So there are four highlights for the keeper of the school house today. Number one- My daughter is reading, learning math, improving listening skills, making beautiful art, and learning history and science... all after a great devotion about her Lord and Creator.

Number two- I usually remain in my pajamas until at least 1 p.m. (Abby is dressed for school)

Number three- We are having fun dinner guests tonight!

And here is number FOUR! As I delivered a jewelry order to a local store, there were the most fabulous Christmas stockings I have ever dreamed of in my whole life...seriously! I have been looking/shopping/hunting for the perfect Christmas stocking for three years now. It has been hopeless and I have NOT had time to make them! So there they were... beckoning me from the front of a chest... calling my name and smiling from ear to ear... knowing they WERE THE ONES!

I made a trade with the store owner and STILL came up on the plus side with cash to pocket!

Abby got first dibs and picked the snowman, I am the peace sign and Daddy is the house! The beautiful ornament is for our little one to come... one day... if ever.

Here is the down side to my day. I pulled black socks out of the hamper basket today to wear with the sweater I have worn three times and the pants I have worn twice this week. And I wore my hair in pig nubs (not even tails) for the third time in public this week. HMMMMMMM... LAUNDRY must become a highlight tomorrow! And hair must become a priority again.

Where have you been lately?

It's been a while. Sorry. Life. Craziness. Tiredness. Emotional roller coasters followed by very bad days. BUT... very wonderful schooling going on here at the school house! That is my biggest praise and blessing right now.

Abby is doing great with home schooling and I am loving it more and more each day. She has fallen right into the routine and ASKS to do homework again! She loves it and I am so blessed by her renewed desire to learn! And another huge praise... she is sounding out words and READING! Praise God! How fun it is. The first day she was really sounding out words and blending them together and getting the word... we were doing the "Happy Dance" in the sun room and jumping up and down... her SMILE was PRICELESS!

School is Monday through Thursday from 9 am to noon. Friday is a day to make up work and catch up on things that may have been missed. It's also a day to go to CBS (Bible study) together! She loves her class there too and I am thrilled to have her there.

Three hours of straight work is the perfect amount of time for her. We start each day with devotion, calendar and number lines. We have science, history, and art twice a week, math three times a week, and writing and reading four times a week. We add in story "listening time" on tapes, playing games (crazy eights, Old Maid, Memory) a couple times and she has computer time twice a week. We also go to the library once a week and find books to go with what we are learning. In history, we are learning about the continents and started with Asia. So we went to the Library yesterday and got two books on China and one on Panda bears. It's GREAT! I am totally loving it. And so is she!

And Don taught school one day last week and gave me the morning off and is teaching again tomorrow! I have major jewelry stuff to get done before I sell my business next month... yes... I have sold Georgia Jewels! More on that blessing later.

Since I have school planned out two weeks at a time, I just hand him the day with my planner and he does it! Another great blessing.

These beautiful flowers are from my husband. I have been through the ringer lately. Emotionally, I am worn out. Clomid knocked me down and this adoption is wearing me down. The little girl we were hoping to adopt in Colorado was supposed to be posted until this past Friday(14th). When her posting disappeared on the 7th, I asked my coordinator to call and check and just make sure everything was fine. The social worker out there never returned any of her phone calls and still hasn't. My heart tells me they found a Colorado family. The whole thing is just emotionally exhausting. So my precious husband brought me beautiful flowers, has made me dinner twice in the past week, slept with Abby two nights in a row to give me rest and let me sleep in twice. He also surprised me with a fire, hot cinnamon rolls, and coffee last week as I tearfully returned from a "moment" away.

His aunt Genevieve died last week and we were in Houston this past weekend for her funeral. She had battled cancer for two years. She was a daughter of the King and we rejoice that she is dancing with the Lord. She has left behind a son and two daughters whom will remain in our prayers and hearts right now.

Abby has had seizures about once every two weeks for a month and a half now and so we are going up on medication again tonight. It is our prayer that this is the last increase for a while.

As I mentioned above, I have sold my business and am doing inventory and finishing up some last orders before my precious cousin-in-law takes it over next month! Yeah Joanna!

So we are starting a new week and I just wanted to say hello. Hopefully I will be back again sooner than later! Love to all.

Adoption Update

We got a call this week from the adoption coordinator we are working with who has spoken to the social worker in Colorado. Our home study has been received and reviewed and we are being considered. They have to accept home studies through Nov. 14th and then will make a decision.

We found out more information on this little girl and it is such a sad situation. For privacy purposes, I'll not share details but ask that you please remember her in your prayers. Please pray for her heart to prepared, for her little soul to be comforted and for God to quickly get the family He has chosen for her to her so her life can become stable again. Please also pray for our patience and peace in God's will. Thank you, as always... so so much. I'll keep you posted.

All I want for Christmas

OK... it's official. I really want a piano for Christmas... it could also be a combined anniversary present... and Valentine's Day... ok... and birthday... since they are all in a two month time frame!

I have loved piano music since I was very young. My mom used to make cassette tape copies (dating myself a tad) of her music and send it to me. So I had the privilege of being introduced to George Winston very early on. I used to sit in the dark, in my room, and listen to piano music for hours. Later on, I discovered Yanni. Yes! I admit it! I LOVE YANNI. His music just moves me and I have written poetry to one of his cd's.

George Winston and Windham Hill make me think of Fall and Winter. I crank it and let the cool breeze come in the windows and get nothing done! Yanni just makes me want to breath in life... and hold it for a very long time. Lucky for me, my husband has taken me to see George Winston and Yanni in concert! It was all I could do to remain in my seat.

When I was very young, before my parents divorced, we had a piano and I took lessons. It was a very old piano that had belonged to my grandmother. I remember there was a color key on the back that my great grandfather had drawn on there for her to use to learn to play. Some of the keys were chipped... I thought it was fabulous. I'd do anything to have that piano today.

I took lessons for a brief time and then my parents divorced. Sadly, with the move came the end of my piano days. Later, in high school, my grandparents bought one for my aunt. I played on it often and learned to play by ear. I spent hours learning several George Winston pieces.

So... to whom it may concern... All I want for Christmas is an old piano (but in tune)!

Happy Halloween!

I love Halloween all over again with a little one to share it with! I try to stay away from scary and evil things and keep the holiday fun.

Cinderella, Dusty and I went trick or treating with our friends the Straders. She and Quinn... aka cheerleader... ran from house to house... it was pretty cute.

Cinderella insisted on having a wand... so we stole it from the Fairy Godmother... midnight isn't late enough for us! (We actually made it this afternoon.)

After tricking houses in the neighborhood, we returned to our warm, waiting soup... which I whipped up before we left. Seriously. Opened the pantry... grabbed a can of spinach, can of garbanzo beans, and a can of diced tomatoes... put that in the crock pot with beef stock and added some cooked pasta shells... it was CRAZY good! Returning home to soup is a Hallow's Eve tradition!

So now we are off for our bubble bath extravaganza... so far I have eaten a mini Snickers (my fav), a bite size butterfinger that led me to eat a mini butterfinger and we're off with treats to eat in the tub!

Prayers Please

We are waiting. It is VERY hard to do. There is a little girl that needs a home and we have had our home study sent in to be considered. She is four and will be five next month.

It is so hard to be at some one's mercy. When I was emailing our adoption "helper" this morning, I told her it was hard to be at people's mercy. As I typed it, I realized that we are not really at the mercy of her calling at the right time, or being persistent, or the social worker reading our home study and picking us (amidst a PILE she has surely received), we are really at God's mercy... and that, too, is so very hard sometimes.

So we ask for prayers. Even though God knows whether or not this is the child He wants to join our family, He wants and longs and responds to our prayers... in every matter of our lives. And so I pray to Him today and ask you to do the same. If it be His will, bring her to us and let us love her. If it is not His will, give us comfort and peace in our disappointment.

I HOPE so much she is the one. Of course, I have only seen a small picture along with a small write up... but she looks adorable and there is a little sparkle in her eyes and sweet joy in her smile. It will be a long day... and if we hear nothing today... it will be a long weekend!

*Post Note: Nothing. We heard nothing. Nothing is so hard. But I DO get to raid my daughter's pumpkin soon and can soothe myself with a wee bit of chocolate!

My Precious One

Here is my precious one... in the grass... playing in the straw with her precious little rake.

She'd gone 17 days without a seizure until this morning. I awoke at 5 a.m. to her restlessness. I started praying and patting her back, stroking her hair, trying to calm her back into sleep. I thought about how happy I was that we were so close to three weeks. But I felt it coming. I knew it was coming... just around the corner in the shadows. I prayed a little harder... a simple plea... "Please Lord, no seizure... please Lord, no seizure." She suddenly jerked, her left leg kicked and stiffened and her left arm came up in a clenched fist as her body tensed. The anger and sadness in me battled with the acceptance of this is her life... our life... our reality. The sadness won as I embraced her and spoke words of reassurance to her.

She came out of it and snuggled into me. She tried to talk but her lips and tongue denied her control and left her in mumbles. She's a fighter though... so she mumbled and mumbled until she got out, "What day is it?" The choices are school day, play day and church day. "It's a play day for you precious one." She snuggled in closer and sweetly said, "I had a little seizure." "Yes, yes you did honey... are you ok, does your body feel ok?" "I'm cold... my arms are tingling." So I held her and rubbed her arms for another thirty minutes as she went back into a restoring sleep.

So I am sad today. We'll probably have to increase Keppra tonight. And hopefully we'll start back with number one tonight.

I know I have asked you so many times before... and I ask you again for your prayers for her. Please pray for her seizures to stop, for her mind to open and grow, and for her heart to bloom and be protected. Thank you so much.

My clomid fog has lifted... I am thankful for that. Yesterday was the first day in two weeks that I felt normal and was actually productive! We'll see what I can get done today too!

Rain, Rain, Cleanse Me Today...

What a perfectly wonderful rainy day. Very befitting of my mood. Wonderful reminder of God's provision, His counting of our tears, and His perfect cleansing.

Today, is Abby's last day at school. Her teacher from last years (2)... "Osborne"... is a bit sad... actually very sad. She sees Abby each morning in the hallway on the way to her new class. I am praying for "Osborne"... I love her... we love her.

Today, is Abby's last day of Brain Balance. We are sad we didn't see as much improvement this 12 weeks as we did the first session. Abby is happy to "graduate".

Today, I came home from Bible study and my precious little Dusty had accidents waiting for me around two corners. Poor thing. He'd only done number one this morning in the rain... number two came on my wonderful rug in the study. The first accident I found was in the sunroom with three little spots of sickness... in random formation. My first thought was doom. Then my heart was happy that I had not put him in his kennel... as I usually do. Thinking of him stressed out in that little box with accidents everywhere would have made me cry all day. So I reassured him it was ok as he settled in my lap as I cleaned it up... poor baby. His apology broke my heart.

Today, I will take treats to Abby's class as they say goodbye to her. Today, Don sits at the airport to see if they need him. Today, I am wearing tennis shoes with my gray cords.

Today, we will celebrate with Abby about wonderful changes and accomplishments. Today, I will be prayerful for God's cleansing of my funk... wash it away in the rain.

*Thank you to my precious friend who sent me this photo.

This little face of mine...

I'm gonna let it shine. God is so sweet. He is so very faithful and He is so very active in our lives.

Abby's behavior lately has been trying. My patience has been stetched and my heart just exhausted.

I have been praying... a lot... for God to soften my heart and change my attitude towards to it.

Last night, Abby had a huge emotional breakdown... hmmmm... sound familiar...?

I left her upstairs with her daddy and returned to the dishes and it hit me at the sink.

I have been feeling "off"... in a funk... and have had my own emotional breakdown from a little pill I have been taking two months for 5 days each month. This precious little one is on HIDEOUS amounts of anti-seizure medications daily... and has been for years... and we just had to increase one of them two weeks ago because her seizures were becoming more frequent.

I was overwhelmed with "understanding" and the frustration left and my heart softened in an instant. God is so sweet. God is so faithful. God is so precious to me. I walked upstairs and sat in the hall floor and rocked her and sang to her until she was done with her "little moment".

If this is the only reason I have been taking Clomid for two months... it's so very worth it.

Where's Your Smile Miss Grumpy Pants?

I am in a funk again. I am wondering if it's a Clomid induced funk or just perpetual grumpiness. I don't like being grumpy and that makes me even grumpier.

This past weekend, my husband took the family up North for a football game and some camping adventures. The football game was fun (my uncle Bob's team totally rocks... North Hall) and seeing family was very nice. But Saturday, I fell apart.

Camping is something we REALLY love to do and part of the experience is being OUT in the woods and QUIET time and NATURE and stuff. The first camp ground we came to was full. That was fine by me because it was also full of campers and right on the road... who puts a camp ground RIGHT ON THE ROAD?

So we continued driving trying to find another one, not knowing if it too would be full. We went through the WONDERFUL area around Lake Raburn but I was stewing. What if we got there and it was full and we ended up spending the entire day in the car and had to pitch camp in the dark (as we have had to before) and then just get up the next day and leave. The GRUMPINESS overtook me.

We came to the next camp ground and started driving through. To make a long story shorter, there were two spots... one of which someone was sitting in to "hold" it while his car person drove around looking for another spot. It was a bad spot. It was up on a little hill overlooking a parking area for the trails and had no good trees. "I'm glad that spot is taken," I thought to myself. As we pulled around to try and get back to the OTHER spot I was overcome with panic it would be gone. As we came up to it, Mr. Save my spot was there with his car friend! We'd been dupped... had... and now the ONLY spot left was the BAD spot. As we came up to it and it was still available, the tears started flowing. I was overcome with disappointment and anger and exhaustion. My tears caught my poor husband off guard and he could not even understand why I was crying. I really wasn't sure why I was crying but I couldn't stop it. The more I tried to stop crying, the harder the knot in my throat got and I just broke like a dam under pressure.

"We have no options. We can't leave this spot and drive for who knows how long to find another camp ground that might also be full and this one is right on top of cars and it's not even in the woods and it's just horrible and this is what it has to be and....." It was really sad. Then my precious daughter came over to me and said, "It's ok mom... it's a good place... get out and come see... here, I'll help you." Oh... the sadness.

I asked my husband just to give me time to be sad and have my moment... and he did. He gave me some space and started putting up our tent as I sat at the table and watched 100 kids run up and down the road... and cried. OK, it was really just about 8 or so... but I so wanted and needed quiet. After a while, my moment was all spent and we went for a hike. Being in the "real" woods helped. But what really helped was my husband. He let me have a sad little moment and he loved me anyway... right through it. He gave me space and he didn't get on me about messed up priorities and stuff... he just loved me anyway. And that was the best part of our trip.

So anyway, I am sad. Not really sure why. I think I am overwhelmed. I know I am very tired. Sleeping with Abby to monitor seizures doesn't really give me much good sleep as I "sleep" with one ear open and jump at her every wheeze. Hopefully my smile will come back soon... for I really do have much to smile about.

Waiting for Evie

As we continue to walk forward in faith along our journey of life, our thoughts are often with Evie.

Evie is the little one we hope to adopt. We are in the waiting process of adopting a toddler. Evie is the name we call her as we pray for her daily and have for years now.

Abby asks about Evie everyday. We thought we were going to get our "Evie" and so we changed my jewelry studio room into her bedroom in one day. But things changed and Evie didn't come. We told Abby that God is looking to find Evie and will bring her to us when He is ready and when she is ready.

So everyday, Abby takes things of hers to Evie's room and gives them to her. These are some of her socks she has given to Evie along with some toys she placed right in the doorway so Evie could immediately see she had some toys. There is a pile of hair barretts, stuffed animals, purses, belts, ribbons, and the much needed pull ups. It just makes me smile... just like my Q-tips.

We do not know what God has in store for us. Whether Evie will come through a pregnancy or through the miracle of adoption. But we do believe with all our hearts we have a place for her and it is in God's plan for her to be a part of our family. And so we wait and pray... and fill her room with wonderful little things of love.

I love you...

As we bend our lifestyle to bend with changing times, as we move in the wind and wait for life changes with faith and uncertainty, as we allow ourselves to be molded and stretched in the Potter's Hands, as we search and strive to be the people God has created us to be... I am reminded how much I love you... my husband... my companion... my friend... my so much more... Thank you for loving me... even when I have been unlovable.

Fabulous Fall Day on the Farm

Cool Breezes, Hay, Animals, Pumpkins, Tractors, Pony Rides, Barns, Trail Hike, Hay Ride, Picnic Lunch, Crafts, and Family... perfect!

I am not sure who had more fun today... me or Abby.

I could have stayed and played with the goats and llamas all day. One precious llama became my friend and gave me kisses and secrets. I'm ready to live on a farm.

I know I have said this before... but this time of year brings me so much joy. The day is captured in our slide show to the left!

Today I will know.

Post Note: The test said "NO". He said "No".

And that is alright.

I trust in His word and His promises and His plan... His will.

The coolest thing is that I can say that with 100% of my soul.

"The mind of man plans his way, but the Lord directs his steps." Prov. 16:9

"For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jer. 29:11

As we traveled through the darkest time in our lives, in the midst of Abby's illness and rapid decline, "The Mystery of God's Will," by Charles Swindoll, changed my perspective and really helped change my life... as well as "Disappointment with God," by Philip Yancey.

Swindoll: "Doing the will of God is rarely easy and uncomplicated. Instead, it is often difficult and convoluted. (57) "The longer we walk with God, the more we realize that we really don't know what each new day may bring... God alone knows our future. And there's no safer, better, no more rewarding place to be than in the nucleus of His will, regardless of where that may be." (70) "In God's sovereign plan, your life may be painful, disappointing, difficult, inexplicably confusing, and downright mysterious. But through it all, God somehow will get all the glory. (90) "He wants us to know His will. Though He remains "silent as light," He is engaged in directing our steps." (103) "When you are walking in the Spirit, and when you're thinking through Scriptures reflectively, when you are open to where God's leading, that magnet will start pulling you, and you will sense a direction." (107)

This was personal to share today. Some thank me often for being real. Some wonder why I am so personal.

This is why.

There are people who read this blog because they have a child suffering, many who never leave me a comment and many I have never met. There are people who read this blog because they struggle with infertility. Others read it because they knew me back when and want to know what is going on in my life. Others read it because they have a deep love for us, miss us, and want to feel like are more a part of our daily lives (family). But all these people have one thing in common... they can see God present in our lives. Our real lives. Our moments of happiness and joy, our moments of sadness and fear, moments or anticipation and acceptance.... life's moments. And if one person who reads this blog can see God... in the good, bad, and ugly... and be encouraged and strengthened in their own "real life"... then God is glorified. That is worth me being personal... and real... and so I share.

I pray one person is uplifted. God is in control. His will is perfect. We could not be in better hands... baby feet or no baby feet...

It was one of the best Saturdays.

Abster let Mommy Majesty sleep in until 8:30 a.m. HUGE luxury!

Morning light, breakfast in the sunroom and "Free Willy". I cried, of course.

*Notice the cinnamon on Abster's mouth AND pollen on her face from smelling my flowers from Daddy!

Salsa and fajitas before a birthday party, at the jumping place!

Sharing our lunch with our taco bee buddies...

Limbo in the Park, the OBVIOUS way to pass under a LIMBO stick!

Face painting, picnic dinner, lawn chairs, stars, moon and "Horton Hears A Who" in the Park...

the good stuff childhood should be made of!

Abby: Mommy! I helped you!!!

Mommy: What did you do honey?

Abby: Umm.. you know when we get out of the shower... and the sticks...

Mommy: Q-Tips?

Abby: Yes! Q-Tips... I put them in the cup for you!!!

Mommy: Thank you honey... thank you so much.

Abby: You're welcome mommy. Can I have a sticker for helping?

Mommy: You can have two stickers precious one!

Note: The Q-tips remain this way in my bathroom. And each day when I go to get one... a huge smile fills my soul!

Abby and the Vac

I thought my little one was helping me out. Actually... she did go around the baseboards... until it found her pants leg, and then her arm, and then her hair, and then her face (yes, sucked half her cheek in!) and then her shirt! I wish I could get the laughter that came from the bottom of her toes as she "cleaned up"! It was priceless!

* Don't you love her pants hanging down... she's my little Kazak Georgia Girl!

My 400th post... and 34 random things about myself... like you were dying to know!

OK. This is my 400th post! I am excited. Looking back... it's crazy to see it all... cool... I need to get it in a book. My friend from high school, Sunny, is turning 34 soon and listed 34 things about herself on her blog. She "tagged" her fellow 34 year old friends to do the same. So here they are... extra little insights into the madness of myself!

1. was proposed to on the cliffs of Ireland
2. eloped two months before wedding
3. flew out to an aircraft carrier in college to do my final paper/video for Journalism class
4. was ripped off in modeling scheme and was in the news about it
5. was the associate producer for the 10 o’clock news at FOX in Raleigh my senior year of college at UNC
6. had the most wonderful college professor who believed in me and took me under his wing… he passed away a few years ago and he remains one of the most influential men in my life
7. taught preschool for a year
8. waitressed my way through college
9. am a hopeless romantic
10. am terrible about flossing my teeth… the whole hands in my mouth just gets to me
11. have been my husband’s co-pilot on several occasions
12. think that motherhood is one of the greatest gifts God has given to women
13. think pregnant bellies totally ROCK and IF I ever have one… I will flaunt it! Just the thought makes me laugh!
14. am addicted to music
15. cliff jumped and snorkeled in Cuba
16. could live in Sicily in a heartbeat
17. love to touch old things… like have to touch them… even when I am not supposed to… I am like a kid in a candy shop… I just have to reach out and touch it
18. feel a deep connection with animals and feel privileged to connect with them… like the tiger in the Norfolk zoo that sat and “talked” to me for over 10 minutes… thank goodness there was a fence or I would have been in there with him!
19. love to watch golf on television… hate to play it
20. have had lemon with my water since the 8th grade when my precious teacher, Mrs. Griep, told me it would help me drink more water
21. love to read and to write… and to color. I can color in a coloring book for hours.
22. would love to make a movie!
23. have met Demi Moore, Willie Nelson, Charlton Heston, John McCain, and stood three feet from David Beckham but didn’t say hello to him… was trying to play it off cool…
24. honeymooned in my three favorite “old” cities… Savannah, Charleston, and St. Augustine
25. have lived in 6 states… would love to live in more!
26. have visited seven countries… would LOVE to visit more… Spain next please
27. LOVE ancient history
28. LOVE to make things
29. can grill or cook anything… actually pretty well… but am NOT Betty Crocker!
30. have picked up several hitch hikers and am under strict orders to not do so again
31. give much credit to my friends and amazing teachers (and the love they gave me) for getting me through High School
32. have a growing love for photography
33. am dying to get a tattoo
34. love my family with every ounce of who I am… and can’t wait to be 35

Guess What!?

Well, last week, as I folded clothes and tears rolled down my cheeks for Abby, I had my third washing of the Holy Spirit. When the Holy Spirit gives you knowledge... it comes instantly, fully, and beautifully washes over you, leaving you smiling and going.... "Ohhhh... OK....!"

As many of you know, I have loved my alone time while Abby is at school. I do Bible studies and of course, run a business. That time while she is away, in an atmosphere that she loves, has given me a sense of balance. I have never considered home schooling... never. I can be quoted as saying, "It's not for me."

But Thursday, my heart changed and my eyes were opened and I was "washed" the the idea, desire, and even conviction to be my precious one's teacher. How it seems so "natural" now is totally a "God Thing".

The other amazing thing is how God has orchestrated certain things in my life to get me to this point, to prepare me for this task, and to willingly let go of other distractions (I'll elaborate more on that one later!).

So today, in my pajamas, I start the task of changing the playroom into a school room. I am bubbly inside with excitement and thanksgiving. I am thrilled for my little one... we both will bloom.

Abby Update

We finally were able to deliver the gifts our dear friends brought to Abby's birthday party to the Children's Hospital at Scottish Rite. She received a little certificate of "Thanks" and was so happy to pull the wagon full of presents for sick children.

It is a struggle sometimes to remain optimistic about Abby's illness. Mitochondrial Disease is an ugly disease and we often have reminders that is it just ever so slightly beneath the surface... just ready to spin out of control on any given day.

It is a daily offering as we give her to the Lord and a daily battle not to grab her back.

Although she is doing well, overall, developmentally she is not moving along very well. Don and I met with her teachers yesterday and came to the difficult decision that she needs to be pulled from her mainstream class. It is so heart breaking to knowingly take a step in the opposite direction of where we long for her to be. But Abby is quickly becoming overwhelmed as 1st grade curriculum moves forward in rapid fashion and she still struggles with letter sounds and many foundational concepts.

She has also become more aware of her differences this year. She came to me with her "Dick and Jane" book a couple days ago and said, "Mommy, will you read this to me? My classmates are reading from word readers and I want to read this." My heart just crumbled. She also explained to me the other day, with sadness, that her classmates were playing the scissors game and she wanted to play too. Rock, paper, scissors. Such a sweet little game but one that my precious little one can not even begin to grasp.

So with this knowledge is coming a sadness, a frustration for learning, and loss of desire to even try. As much as we want her to progress developmentally and in her education... protecting her heart and spirit is just as important. She has always been a strong fighter and I want to preserve that in her.

So Don and I will go and visit self-contained classes (special education) next week and try to find a good fit for her. In that setting, she can be worked with where she is and not lost in the shuffle. Hopefully, her environment will be one with many more occasions to succeed and much less opportunities to "fail".

She also has had a couple seizures in the past three and a half weeks and so it looks like we will be increasing her Keppra dosage. Hopefully, that will help.

Your prayers, as always, are coveted. Please pray we will find a class that will be a good fit for Abby... educationally and socially. Please pray she will not be heart broken to leave her school and her classmates. It will be very hard, so hard for us all. They love her so much there... students and faculty. And we love them too. Please pray God will open and close doors and direct our thoughts, our conversations and our actions.

And it is my prayer, each night, that God will touch her mind with the tip of His finger and allow her to learn... that He will let us keep her and let her remain a living testimony to His audacious power, His abundant mercy, His endless love, and His miraculous power!

Be Real

I almost deleted my post from yesterday. I was angry... yah.

Anyway... I have decided not to delete it. Even though my blog is an outlet for encouragement, it also reflects who I am and there is one thing that I try to be... in every situation... and that is "real". I am not "Mary Sunshine" all the time and just because I love the Lord and am learning to trust Him more and more each day of my life, does not mean that I walk around with a "everything is fine" attitude.

Everything is not fine, but it WILL be OK. So I hope I didn't leave many, or any, of you disillusioned yesterday! Be encouraged that it is OK to be real and have real emotions about real issues!

Simplifying Update: I've thrown away 26 bottles of nail polish (kept 20), numerous hair products, self tanner (used once... hate orange), old makeup, and taken one car load to the consignment store and another load to the thrift store. But there is much more to be done! Feels Good! Try It!

Hard Times a Comin...

OK... they are here. They have actually been here and we have been encouraged by government and the media to "keep spending"... "keep spending"... "that's what stimulates the economy".... "spend, spend, spend!"

Sadly, many listened and kept spending... spending money they didn't have... increasing debt... decreasing savings, and over extending.

Now lenders are going under, banks are going under, and the government is bailing them out with MASSIVE amounts of whose money... OUR MONEY... MY MONEY... TAX PAYERS MONEY! (note: i usually don't get political on my blog so beware... I'm in a swirl and I'm in a mood... bad mood)

I sat in line today at a gas station for over 45 minutes to get some gas for my car. I passed three gas stations on the way that were already sold out and this one only had four pumps working. As I pulled into line, I was fourth. Within five minutes, there were eight cars behind me spilling out into the street. The pumps were so empty that it seriously took about ten minutes for each car to get "enough" gas.

As I watched Yukons and Expiditions and Massive Trucks pull in line and to the pump, I found myself angry at them for being such Massive Gas Guzzling Nonessential Reminders of People's Lack of Personal Responsibility! Why? Why do people think they NEED these society driven ridiculous vehicles that take up and use far too much gas? Hummers... give me a break. Go to war if you want to drive one! (I did warn you I was in a mood)

The newspaper yesterday was FULL of articles about the economy and how it "may" be in trouble or "appears" to be in trouble. It's in trouble people! Reading about the pay outs the government has made for certain corporations made me livid. More of our money being spent to bail out people who have lack of personal responsibility. Money my husband and I have spent time working for to be paid to lenders who have lended money to banks who then lended it to people who are "spending" to buy these ridiculous vehicles and homes. Now the economy "appears" to be bad and people can't make their payments. Some of them file bankruptcy and sneak out of their homes in the middle of the night. Then the banks don't have the money to repay the large lenders and then the lenders go under. So to save them... back into our pockets they go.

Now this irritates me so because we are paying for the lack of personal responsibility of the Jones in the next neighborhood who bought a house they couldn't afford and are driving cars they can't afford while we are making the sacrifices and choices based on some personal responsibility. All the while my husband's hours and pay has been cut and our investments are disappearing and the value of our house is decreasing. But we can pay for everyone elses BAD CHOICES! Then the government can come back to us and tell us how they need more of our money and increase taxes. ( I probably should run around the house for a few hours and come back to finish.) Did I mention the fridge just broke too!?

Now, while I am in a VERY BAD MOOD about all this... I do find comfort, although just a sliver at the moment, in God's Sovereignty. It WILL be ok. But it will get worse. Our country lives in a set of way messed up priorities and God's got some shaking up of things to do. People MUST take personal responsibility for the imprint they leave on their little space of earth! IT AFFECTS EVERYONE!

I need to go bake some cookies or something...

Simplify

I am in a swirl. Swirl of emotion, swirl of thoughts, swirl of desires, swirl of hopes, swirl of frustrations, swirl of energy and swirl of exhaustion. Even though I usually remain optimistic... I have my moments. I am in... a moment... a moment of swirl.

There is this inner girl... voice... that knows what she wants but not really how to get there. An inner girl that wants things to be different and an inner girl that longs to just "be"... be content... be still... be.

So all things things are running through my mind and I need to process and "file" them. Organize. I need to organize my life... my space... my thoughts... my time. And the theme that keeps screaming loudly at me through all the muck is "Simplify".

Such a "simple" word with oh so much meaning. Such a "simple" word that requires much thought and energy to accomplish. But.... what if? What if I can get through the process? What will it be like on the other side? Will it be easier, calmer, better, "simpler"? Or will it leave me longing for more? Hmmmmmmmmmm..........

And so this is what swirls in my head... my thoughts, my heart, my soul. I would have a lot to simplify. I would have a lot to change. Can I do it? Will it be worth it?

I am wondering, pondering, and mulling over simplifying my wardrobe. Whewww... there... it's said... it's in print. Would my life be better... easier... simpler... if I had four pairs of jeans instead of eight? Six sweaters instead of 15? Two---- or---- three---- purses instead of---- hmmm--- ugh----- aaa--- 12? My heart tells me "yes". The tug I am feeling tells me "yes".

Then take this concept and spread it through out my home and lifestyle.... hmmmmmmmm.

This is what I am mulling about. This is my moment... my moment of swirl... should and can I do it? Simplify.

In the meantime, I am on a mission to simplify my bathroom drawers and baskets. Hair products, nail polish, old makeup, and other such bathroom clutter is going to be "simplified" today. Today is the day. It's going to be done. I am going to do it now...

Oh... The Privilege of Prayer...

I found out about this precious couple, Stephanie and Christian, on one of my friend's blog (thank you Sunny). You can click on the "I read Nie Nie" button to the left and see their story and find the link to her sister's blog.

They were in a plane crash a couple weeks ago and are in critical condition with very extensive burns to their bodies.

They are very special and Stephanie has a beautiful blog that brings wonderful light to the journey of motherhood. It's beautiful, they are beautiful, and the way strangers are coming to love and support them is a beautiful "God Thing".

My Little Bundle of Abby Grace

Oh this little face delights my soul in ways that words can not properly describe. She is now 9 nights seizure free and we are thrilled and hoping to get to the two week mark. Every morning with no seizure just puts a little spring into my step!

I was going through pictures on my camera and found these pics from David's graduation this past summer. I then spent the afternoon at Wal-Mart with their handy dandy photo making machine (LOVE IT) and made some new fresh and updated b & w pictures for the house. I was moved, again, with these two pictures of her with my sister, Cynthia, whom she adores.

Of course she wanted to sit by Cynthia so I had the privilege of sitting behind her and stealing sweet little moments with my camera. I have no idea what my sister was telling her, but she was hanging on every word.

Then she leaned in for this sweet little kiss of adoration. I was thrilled to have caught it. It warms my soul to see my daughter have such love for my sister. It is a precious, precious thing. And it warms me all over again to see and know my sister loves my daughter with the fullness of her soul. Relationships between women are just beautiful!

Cynthia, I hope you are blessed today to see these pictures. I don't think you have seen them before. And I hope your soul is warmed by the great and bountiful love my little bundle of Abby Grace has for you! I love you crazy too! Come and see us soon!

Love to PHOTO

I think I love to photograph my jewelry as much as I love making it! I have had some slow time with the stamping of disks and have been "playing" in my stash again! I have several custom orders to do in the next few days and then I'll play in my copper componets some more! SO ready for FALL!!!!!!

OK... HERE WE GO...

Tomorrow is the big day. It is the day I will start taking a little pill that "may" give me the ability to get pregnant and "stay" pregnant.

This journey has been an emotional and long journey and it is a bit hard to embark on an effort that "may" give hope to something very beautiful.

I have come to a peace in the possibility that it is not in God's plan for me to carry a child. I have come to... no... God has given me a beautiful appreciation for being "chosen" to raise and love children whom I have not "carried" in the womb... as I believe I have always carried them in my heart and soul.

But now that I have had my little "procedure" of cleaning out of non-festive fertility inhibitors... we have decided to "try" for a given time and see if that miracle will be granted to us.

Our greatest desire is to be in God's will for that is where our greatest blessings and "One Beautiful Life" will flourish. So we begin... we pray... we wait... and we trust.

Carnival Chronicles

We went to the lake for Labor Day and on the way into town we passed a roadside carnival. Don and I saw it at the same time and my heart leaped. The idea of Abby's excitement to go just filled me with my own childish glee! We looked at each other and smiled with huge grins as the same thought entered our minds at the same time. We waited.... and waited.... then passed it and looked back to see that Abby was deep into her Leap Frog and had not even looked up and seen it.

So the spelling began! We should t-a-k-e- her as a s-u-r-p-r-i-s-e! When...? Tomorrow night after we have d-i-n-n-e-r. You don't want to t-e-l-l ... h-e-r? No, let's make it a s-u-r-p-r-i-s-e! OK!!!!!

The next day was wonderful. I spent the entire morning on the sofa and read an entire book in three hours ("Flies on the Butter"), Don stained our screen porch, and Abby happily played... until I got to my last ten pages which I had to read locked in the bathroom!

We packed up lunch and spent the rest of the day on the lake and the weather was PERFECT! Then we went to our favorite restaurant for their amazing Saturday night buffet of down home cooking (cooked cabbage, fried chicken, mashed potatoes, FRIED OKRA, collard greens, rolls, banana pudding, peach cobbler.... YUMMMM!).

Sadly, it was Choo Choo B-B-Q's last night of business which made our dinner bitter sweet but we know God has some wonderful plans in store for them! THANK YOU CHOO CHOO for many great meals!!!!!

We had told Abby earlier that day that we had a surprise in store for her after dinner. She was so cute asking if it was dessert or a toy! We kept telling her that it was much... much better than cake or a toy. She really couldn't get her mind around that! As we pulled up and it came into view... she started smiling and squealing. She had never been to a carnival before and the lights and sounds of laughter and screams alone was enough to delight her!

Look at her smile in this picture. She kept that smile the entire time we were there. It was precious and these sweet moments as a parent are truly some of the best. The happiness that fills you to see your child feel so much joy is one of the purest and sweetest gifts from God! I almost cried on several occasions just to see her smile so much.

The first ride was the "Jalopy Junction" and it was a car that simply went around in a circle on a track and she smiled and beamed the entire three minutes. She turned the steering wheel back and forth and just giggled from her toes.

As Don and I stood there, also smiling from ear to ear, we praised God for her health and the fact that she was able to enjoy such a sweet childhood moment that so many could take for granted. And I praise HIM again for the year of health HE has so graciously given to her and us.

If you haven't been to a carnival in a while... you are missing out on a very distinctive smell and atmosphere! The carnies all look like they are relatives and there is this weird smell that hits you at just the right moment! But in spite of this frequent whiff of funky air... it is a necessary experience of childhood.

Half way through our time there I realized that part of my emotions were rising up from my own childhood. These same kind of carnivals often came to my little town as a child and we never went. We would drive by the majestically turning Ferris wheel and bright flashing lights numerous times during the week and I would look out of the car window each time and imagine the children inside and all the fun they were having. My friends would make plans to meet there and I would be the one left out. Tears... yes, boo-hoo for me! :0)

But as Don and I took turns riding rides with her, watched her ride alone, enjoyed a hot, greasy, covered with sugar funnel cake, and even took in that funky smell... I realized God was giving me a bonus gift. He was giving me the precious gift of healing. The little girl inside of me that felt so left out was at her own carnival and having fun with her precious daughter and her amazingly precious husband. She was watching her daughter hold her husband's hand and was watching her be blessed... and yes, the tears surfaced again.

How precious... how very precious is our Almighty and Powerful God of the universe to bless me and my daughter... and my husband with such a precious unexpected moment in our lives. We will all cherish it forever. And every time I see a carnival on the side of the road, I will be filled with the picture of my precious angel and gift from God riding by on her dragon roller coaster and throwing her hands up into the air with pure and innocent joy... and the healing that often can come to us through moments with a child.