Thursday, February 28, 2008
The weight of life seems to be bearing down with a vengeance right now. I want to scream, "No more!" It has been crazy, really, since December with Karina's arrival and stay. Then just days after she left, Abby spiraled. Then after that came recovery. Now after two deaths in the family, my body has just had it and has decided to pretty much fall apart.
On several occasions I have woken up and endured much pain to even move. This happened again this past Monday. I tend to have a high tolerance for pain, but when it hurts in several places to walk, it makes daily life a little trying! Wau...wauu..wauuu....
So I struggle to lay it down... lay it down before God and ask for guidance. I am have an appointment with a bone specialist next week and am just hoping to find some sort of answers.
I am also trying to lay my stressors before Him, as they weigh on me and can be having some sort of affect on my muscles.
One of which is our effort to find and adopt Caroline. My heart breaks every night as Abby prays for her to come. Now that Abby's health is so unstable, we can not leave the country with or without her for several weeks... much less six weeks. So we had to stop and cancel our adoption process and we won't be traveling to Kazakhstan after all. This thing has been such a roller coaster and not going now has broken my heart. I feel as if she is there and I have abandoned her. I have to trust that is it God's plan because we have remained faithful in prayer about this situation from the beginning. The hardest part is that all three of us still have a strong desire for another child in our family... that part has never changed. So... here we are... waiting. Abby asks about Caroline almost every day and we have no answers for her. So we are being honest with her and telling her that we can't go to Kazakhstan anymore and we are waiting for God to show us where Caroline is...
SO I am feeling a bit lost and I HATE being in this place. This is where I struggle... when the plan falls apart and I am left empty handed. So I am GUESSING I am in a season of trusting God right now! The only thing that helps me get through this is KNOWING how sovereign my precious God is... even when I don't understand. And so I cling to that... and to Him... and wait.
Thursday, February 14, 2008
Today is the day of love. It should be renamed the "Day of being ripped off!" I have made several calls to some of our favorite restaurants (we are going on a date tonight) and they all have these "packages" for like $80+ per couple... RIP OFF! They know people are going to want to go on dinner dates and so they try and make a quarter's worth of sales in one night. And they don't even give you the option of the package or the menu... if you eat there, you pay $80 to sit in their seat! Oh, and wine is extra! Well, I am not having it! We will not do it... and you shouldn't either! It will be a sushi date or pizza for us tonight and we will still have a wonderful time!!!!!!!!!! I am not even mentioning the rip off the florists pull today... I'll send flowers tomorrow!
Thank you for listening... I feel much better now! :0)
Happy Valentine's Day! xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo
Wednesday, February 13, 2008
Well, I'll start the with the good, because, well, good is good! :0) ha
Abby is doing GREAT! Oh how my soul leaps with happiness when I see her smile or open her eyes wide with happiness ( a new face she does). Her new diet, minus the eggs and milk and caesin and dairy is much easier than I thought it would be and within a week we could see a difference in her appearance! Amazing. YEE HAAA
She has also adjusted well to the medication and tomorrow will be two weeks without a seizure! PRAISE GOD!
Her teacher told me today that she was seeing a difference in Abby too! YAEHHHH She is more alert at school and is "getting it" much more than she really has all year!!!!!!!!!! :0))))))
Happy... Happy... JOY... JOY... JOY!
On one down side, I have been having major back and neck issues now for over a month. Sometimes it is so bad I can hardly move. Lately, my neck pain has been joined with a very unfestive headache the runs along the entire right side of my head with my eyeball wanting to explode. It's very hard to be cheerful when you feel like this! :0(
I believe in my chiropractor very much and so back I have gone and we took some x-rays this week. I have scoliosis pretty badly... I knew this though. My curve is in the lower region which causes pain down there. I also knew my neck was not curved right. But this time one of my vertebrae doesn't look right...:0( It looks, actually, concave... maybe like it's degenerating... Oh great! Or there could be something going on inside the bone... oh festive! AND the little wing things on each side of it are practically gone... these help balance the spine in the neck... double great. SO the good news here is that I am walking and functioning! Merrrrcyyyyyyyyy.....
So my x-rays are being sent to a radiologist to be reviewed and I should have more info in a week. So we'll see..... yuck!
On an even downer note: you can stop reading if you just can't take anymore!, we have had a very unexpected death in the family. My mother's youngest sister, Kim, who was just 43, died last week of a massive heart attack. My mother's mother could die any day but this was a great shock.
It has caused me grief in my soul to see so many people reeling with regrets and sadness because of things that could and should have been said and forgiven. It has saddened my soul greatly to see some one's life gone and others left still looking to cause drama, looking for someone to blame, and not looking to the Lord. I mean, that's it in a nutshell... the Lord is not present in many of the people's life involved and it is so very evident and it just saddens me to the core.
As I talked with one of my aunt's, she mentioned a friend, Susan I think, who reads this blog everyday. She doesn't know me, but reads this everyday. I pondered that thought on the way back to the hotel. I have been struck by emails from several people I don't know who read this and wanted access to continue reading it when I went private. I realized that people are drawn to this blog. They are drawn to something and the something they are drawn to is the LORD. PRAISE HIM. I was overwhelmed with compassion for people who come here because they can see the Lord alive in our lives and they are drawn to that.
It moved me to just simply state, that anyone reading this blog, and anyone moved by how God moves in our lives can have this same God of the universe moving and active in yours. John 3:16 says, "That Jesus so loved the world, that He gave his only begotten son, that whoever believes in Him should not perish but have eternal life." God longs to be active in your life. He longs to have you talk to Him, to cry out to Him, to rely on Him, and to seek Him. He longs to be your Father and He longs to bless you. But you have to seek him daily and call out to him for guidance daily and He will answer... and you will be moved to see the God of the universe be so personal and sovereign.
If you do not belong to God, please do not let another day pass without considering who He is and what He has done and offered to you. Life is temporary and can be gone in a moment.
So there was my moment on the soap box. How I would love to see healing and God's light shinning in the lives of so many. This life is not about us. It's not about stuff. It's not about being seen or standing on our rights. It's not about judging everyone and being hateful and self centered. It's about reflecting the love of our Lord who sent Jesus to die to cover our sins. How simple and how beautiful if we could only stay focused on Him.
Wednesday, February 06, 2008
Happy Birthday To Me!
Oh, my 34th birthday was this past Sunday and it was fun to have a birthday. My parents were here and I had a wonderful afternoon of pampering with my mom! My husband and dad went all out and decorated for my party, while I was gone, with crepe paper and balloons! It was very FESTIVE! We had a nice little party with some Super Bowl action... how lucky am I?
If my cake looks "funny" to you... it WAS! Since Abby has a egg, milk and dairy allergy... I asked Don to try and find a pie or make jello jigglers or something. WELLLLLL, He really wanted me to have a cake and so he and my dad pored over lables in the grocery store for WAY TOO LONG and found a cake mix and some egg substitute. WELLLLL, the cake wasn't "feeling" the substitute and so it rebelled and just didn't stick together! It was a CRUMBLING cake! My precious friend Shelly had the TASK of TRYING to frost it... can you picture it... and needless to say, gave up! So we had chocolate crumble cake (new dish at our house!) with the frosting on the side! :0) The funniest part was that Abby was all upset... yes, upset... because her cake was falling apart and didn't want to it.... GO FIGURE! When she saw that EVERYONE'S cake fell apart... she finally gave in. And I must say, it tastes GREAT!
I am so blessed to have my precious little one rebounding so QUICKLY from her illness! We are over joyed with THANKSGIVING for God's gracious and bountiful blessings upon her!