Monday, March 08, 2010

Hello Monday

Abby rested through the night last night and did not have a seizure!  Oh how hopeful that makes me on this sunny and warm Monday.  I could just sob with relief as it appears she has been saved again.  Each time the "wheels come off" I just am flooded with images of her limp, unable to hold up her head, and twenty pounds... hanging by a thread from the attack of her disease and I just go into this zone... this FIGHT, FIND THE ANSWER, and HANDLE IT mode.  During that darkest time in her life... I could always see her "life" in her eyes... almost screaming to come out and it would choke me.  "Responsibility" fighting against/with "surrendering to God" is exhausting.  It is hard to even put into words. 

Today she is at school... and she is happy to be there.  She has also gone three days without a seizure during the day.  I am so thankful to God for his mercy. 

When this hit this time, the wind was knocked out me.  My soul dove deep into a place... a dark place... and sulked, pouted, cried, kicked and screamed, and then waited.  I could not even bring myself to pray.  I'd try.  Then I would just stop.  I was too empty.  I have prayed these prayers for six years and I was feeling very neglected, over looked and even abandoned by my Father.  How could He just stand by and let this happen again.  After all we have done, after all we have trusted, after all we have believed and claimed in His name.  And so that is where I stayed for a couple of days.  And then I had strength again.  I had strength to hope, pray, and risk being devistated.  And my Father was there, waiting for me.

In that gap, when I could not pray, you did.  You prayed for her and you prayed for us.  And your prayers were heard, they helped, and they have been answered.  Abby did not fall into the dark hole that resides outside the corner of our life.  And I can not find a big enough "Thank you" for your heart, for your love, for your meals, for your prayers, for your visits, for your hugs, for your tears, for your faith, for your friendship.  You mean so much to me.  I love you dearly.  Please continue to pray... we are still on a day to day basis... but then again... aren't we all.


  1. Wow. I must admit, I had the same image in my mind. I remembered the time that I came to visit you guys and Abby had gotten SO BAD. I remember sitting there watching her unable to sit up in her highchair, and I thought-"My sister could die!". Those images came flooding back to me the other day as well. But then I started praying, because I knew that you were unable at that moment. And I will keep praying for you guys. Even when it gets better and better, like I know it will! I love you and miss you all so much. Talk to ya soon.

  2. That's why you have hold you up when you can't hold yourself. Glad there seems to be an improvement in Abby..also gald that B is on the way back to you soon!


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