Trust is a funny thing. It's a very hard thing to do. It openes the door for doubts and major attacks from the enemy. Yes. Yes. Yes. We want to and are trying to adopt Brenda. We were not allowed to say so until she was asked by the orphan court and had made a decision not reflective of our desire. She was asked, she said yes, and that's not enough. This is difficult.
There is more but I will have to privately share that with you. THIS IS DIFFICULT.
We want to move forward with the paperwork so that when the "ok" arrives, we are already half way or moreso there. But several of the steps require large amounts of money that we don't want to spend if they decide she really doesn't want to be adopted. THIS IS DIFFICULT.
My God says to trust in him. He says he knows the desires of my heart. He says he wants to give me the desires of my heart. He says he will not leave a good thing he has started unfinished. He says his ways are not our ways. He says lean not on your own understanding. He brought her here to us. He led us and gave us an advocate heart for children. He provided the funds to get her here. He gave her the courage to trust us. He loved her through us and she saw him. He loves her more than I can even imagine loving her. He is in control of everything. He can handle everything. He wants to love and redeem her. He has her in his hands. This is the God I lay my burdens down before every morning. This is the God I cry out to when my mother's heart is breaking and feeling helpless. This is the God I fall into when I am feeling afraid. This is the God I will daily surrender to and trust... even if I have a venting moment or two. I love my God, he loves me, and he loves Brenda. He is the Ancient of Days. I will trust him. I will.