"You have been blessed by the unfolding of a greater plan with a new life. This is a gift and a responsibility! Rejoice in the understanding that your lives have been brought together for a reason. Much will be shared and much will be learned. You have exactly what this child needs to grow in God's light, and this child will contribute to your spiritual growth. The bonds you will form are everlasting."

This is from a card we were given when Abby joined our family. I cut it out and kept it on the fridge forever... it's words just bouncing around my soul for days. Today, the words mean more than I could have ever imagined and I am so glad to have them.

I promise to update next week... with lots of new things!

Hospital Stay Starts on Monday

We are going into the hospital with Abby on Monday for a three to four day stay of testing. Your prayers are coveted. We are working with a new doctor who has an approach we like a bit better. He wants us to sleep deprive Abby to try and get a seizure instead of plummeting her meds. She actually had gone about 23 days without a seizure until two mornings ago. So we are now back to one night seizure free... that makes me feel better about trying to cause one in a few days. Funny side note: I had told God that if she had one before we went in, I'd feel like He was telling me it was ok. Smile... He is so cool like that.

We are also hoping that if we can get a seizure captured on the EEG that the information will be helpful for our trip to the Cleveland Clinic in May.

I'll be back next week. Love to you all.

Dates Booked

We booked our trip today to go to Florida next month. I am super excited and counting the days!

In the meantime, I am about to start attacking this house with projects! Oh yeah... it's time to "freshen". What to do first? I think lightening up the Master is the first must. Then tackle the lamps Mom gave me for my birthday. Then paint a chest cream and the bottom of the coffee table, and THEN on to the outside... making jar candles for the deck and to hang in the trees... paint some pots... here we go!

Meeting Hannah

We were so blessed to go to Brunswick this past weekend and meet the very precious Hannah Faith Castor. Abby was in love at first sight. It was so cute. She must have said, "Isn't she adorable?" at least 20 times?

She watched her sleep, jumped at each little noise she made and ran over to check on her, gently rubbed her and talked to her. She was smitten. Actually, I think we all were... I mean look at those precious tiny toes! And she is such a good baby to top off her cuteness.

One of the sweetest moments came when Hannah was napping. Abby very gently slid her favorite bear in the whole wide world, Marvin (the girl bear), under the blanket next to her and asked, "Do you like Marvin baby Hannah?" PRECIOUS. Thought I was going to cry.

We were also blessed to be there for Hannah's dedication at church. As a gift from God, she is presented back before Him as His and everyone commits to keep her before the Lord as they raise her in His glory and presence. It is a very beautiful thing.

Of course we had a wonderful time with Daniel and Jennifer too. They are going to be wonderful parents. And of course I got my baby fix in too! I could have sat and held her for days. We'll definitely be going back soon! Love you guys!

Congrats ERIN!
Abby has drawn the name of my first give-a-way winner and it's Erin! Even though I am always sad both teams can't win... there will be more opportunities for free goodies.
I was silly to think I could make and give something away each week and SO I am going to try once every two weeks! So next week there will be another item up for grabs... I already know what it is and I am excited.
Love to you all... keep an eye out for the mail man Erin.

And I'll be posting photos of our weekend with baby Hannah Banana (and her precious parents)soon.

A Valentine Note:

"Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless." Ephesians 5: 25-27~

My husband loves me. It's not a feeling... it's a verb... it's an action... it's a decision... and the feeling is the added bonus... the gift that follows. And to know my husband loves me, and to the be the recipient of that love is one of my greatest gifts.

Each year I am amazed at how God allows and gifts us with the blessing of our love

growing deeper and richer. It has and continues to just blow me away.

We are challenged, we endure, we obey, we grow, and we reap huge blessings from above.

This is one of my greatest gifts... ever.

The gift he gave to me this year was wonderful in many ways.

He blew me away with the gift of a Nikon D-60 camera. This is a camera I have had my eye on for a while and almost bought on a Day after Thanksgiving sale... but didn't... even though it was $100 off!

Now I know why I didn't... why I felt it was not the right time... I would have taken away this wonderful opportunity and moment that God had planned for me through my husband.

Our weekend at the beach gave us a lot of time to talk about a lot of things. As I was playing with my camera (my Nikon that I love) I talked to him about wanting to pursue my passion for photography a little more since I now have time to pursue other creative passions. I was planning on using some of the money from the sale of my business to buy this new camera that's about three to four steps up from the one I have.

So this Valentine's Day he presented me with a "coupon/IOU" for the purchase of this camera.

My jaw dropped. Then the best part of his gift was given. "I wanted to give you something special today, something that you really wanted and are passionate about."

Now if this statement doesn't seem extraordinary... let me reveal the true gift behind it.

1.) My husband has been pursuing me... seeking my heart... listening to my heart... to my dreams and desires.

2.) He is encouraging me in something I love to do.

3.) He is being very generous and selfless by giving me a gift that is nowhere in our budget right now.

4.) He is whispering the love of Christ to me... not by "buying" me something... but by all of the above.

5.) He is leaving me feeling known, considered, appreciated, cherished, seen, heard, and LOVED.

All of that... in a sincere and precious statement from the heart that was better than the camera itself. THAT was and will always be my best Valentine's gift ever.

I love you Fly Boy! Thank you for loving me.

Sadness

My heart is broken for the families and friends of the passengers and crew members in the tragic plane crash last night. Please lift them up in your prayers over the next weeks, every time you see a plane in the sky.

I praise the Lord of Lords for protecting my precious and loving flyboy every time he flies... thank you Lord for your gracious hands of protection around him.

Give-A-Way Handmade!

So without having jewelry orders hanging over me anymore, I have all this wonderful time to make other things! I am becoming a feltaholic! I have been making pins and hair barrettes and am working on a pillow, as a gift for someone, and so pictures will come later!

Anyway, in the spirit of "Love Week", I am giving away a felt heart pin! They look really cute on denim jackets, pinned to a curtain in your little one's room, or to a pillow!

All you have to do is comment on this post and you are entered. I will draw a name on Monday, Feb. 16th after we return from a weekend jaunt. Here is the kicker... the cherry on top... if you are a follower of this blog, your name will be entered twice! AND if you have a little one, I'll include a felt barrette! If your name is drawn and I don't have your address, I'll contact you for it.

Have a Happy Thursday! Hugs...

"The Lord your God is with you, He is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you, He will quiet you with His love, He will rejoice over you with singing." Zephaniah 3:17~

I will be posting a Give-a-way later today! I am thinking about giving something away once a week... why not?!

Banner of Love...

I have seen these banners in magazines and blogs for months... so I decided to let some creativity flow and make one today. I am pleased and think it's pretty cool. It's a gift... I hope she likes it! It was also super easy and so I am thinking I may be making more!

Dreamin and Wishin...

Thinkin and a Prayin...

So here is my dream house in Florida. I am so in the zone... ready to start packing!

The amazing oak trees with Spanish moss swinging from the branches, walks on the beach at least every other day, the salt moving through the air, the breeze, the warmth of the sun, the wonderfully delightful craftsman houses with tons of character and my "oh so favorite" arched doorways and deep front porches... LOVE IT.

Did I mention gardening year round and afternoon thunderstorms? Maybe an orange tree or two in the back yard... oh... and avacado! Yep... I am ready.

We are going back for a week in March. Dusty gets to go this time. It's time he met the mighty ocean and played in the sand.

I could handle this house too... or this one... they are calling me...

Dreamin and wishin... thinkin and a prayin...

The Perfect Weekend...

My husband blessed my soul and spirit this past weekend with a birthday trip to Amelia Island, Florida.

The warmth of the sun was a perfect gift as I rocked on the porch of our B&B (Elizabeth Point Lodge) and listened to the crashing waves... for hours.

The weather was perfect. Have I mentioned perfect? We took walks on the beach for hours, we napped, we ate, we rocked, we talked, we slept in, and we rested some more. P... er.... fect!

As a bonus, we met two really great couples... one of which we had dinner with one night. They were celebrating their 40th year anniversary and had some really amazing stories! But better than the stories were their hearts for the Lord, hearts for family, and hearts for each other. Kit and Stewy... thank you for sharing yourselves with us!

Lastly, God gave me the delightful gift of seeing dolphins before we left on Sunday. They were simply magnificent.

I love to take pictures. So below are some moments from the trip. Hope you can feel the warmth, hear the power of the ocean, and smell that wonderful salty air!

Today is Dusty's Birthday!

My precious little man is three today, or should I say 21? He brings me so much joy... pure joy in the deep sweet spot of my heart. I love the way he romps and plays, the way he jumps up in the air at the back door to go out, the way he sits in the mudroom each morning waiting patiently for a cookie, and the way he loves me.

Happy Birthday little Roscoe Roonies!

Yesterday was my Birthday!

And it was a very good day. It started with brownies and ice cream for breakfast!

Abby was shocked when I made the suggestion but quickly warmed up to the idea.

After "breakfast", we played dress up and had a blast. I have not played dress up since my mother had a tea party business years ago... years. So it was as much fun for me as it was for Abby!

She even got to jump on the bed in her dress and pearls!

The highlight of the day was when my parents pulled into the driveway in their rental car... having gotten up at 4:30 a.m. to fly here from VA to surprise me. The pure delight in my spirit was such a welcomed feeling... I can still feel it lingering there! Abby and I ran out into the driveway to meet them in our ball gowns... it was quite the sight.

They took me to lunch and then made a scrumptious Birthday dinner as well! Don made it home from a trip just in time to join us for dinner. Yeah.

Here are some pictures that captured the day. The amazing hydrangeas are from my friend Ryan.

Happy Day!

Two of the four situations are not going to work for our family. It is very sad, to know their stories. It is heart breaking. But we feel the situations offer too much risk of threat to our family. It is very hard to decide that.

So I am making a prayer book for these children. And I ask you to pray for them as well. "K" in Missouri needs healing, hope, and a childless family to rescue her and place her at the foot of the cross. "D" in North Carolina needs the very same prayer.

The situation in California is silent. My heart tells me it will disappear soon.

The situation in Texas will be a long one to wait for. I received a phone call at 9 p.m. Wed. night. The caseworker informed me that over 100 home studies were received for "A" and that it would take them along time to go through them. If we are considered a possibilty, we'll be contacted at some time in the future.

I get to spend the entire day with my loving husband tomorrow while Abby spends the day with sweet friends. I am ready.

Four

Four nights without a seizure for Abby.

Four children we have applied to adopt.

Four things I am going to make today.

Four prayers I am going to offer.

Then HE found me

I went for a walk this morning... in a light drizzle. I had hit an emotional wall. I was feeling very badly. As I walked, I found I could not even pray. And then I realized that I felt I could not trust God... that I could not trust Him with wanting something good for me. If you think, in a moment, that you can't trust God, then how can you pray to Him?

I started thinking back from my childhood through many occasions into adulthood when I have felt that something good and "normal" just can't happen for me. Yes, it was a private pity party.
And as I walked, I said, to my God with whom I was rebelling against, that I did not even want to see a hawk today. Then I said to myself, " I will not even look." On one occasion, by the lake, I thought I heard one... the sound so fresh in my mind from just the other day. But I would not look.

As Dusty and I walked, I cried and in some spots even sobbed, so thankful for the drizzle that kept the trails free of most people. Then, just five minutes from home, my God, with whom I was pouting and being quite ugly with, spoke to me... through a stranger.

I saw this couple approaching. As we came up upon each other, the man looked at me and said, "Look up in the tree at the hawk." And they kept walking. I offered a weak smile and choked out a thank you and kept walking. I could not believe it. There were hundreds of trees along the trail. I glanced around for a moment and then thought, "I am never going to see him." Then, he swooped down over my head and landed five feet from me on a swaying tree branch... and I stood there and cried again. "You are beautiful," I said to him, and he turned around to face me.
I wanted so badly for him to land right on my arm. My mind was swirling with so many emotions.

"Even though you won't look for me, I am still here." "Even though you feel you can not trust me, you can." "Even though things have been and are difficult, I am still your Father and I am still good and I still love you." "And even though you told me you didn't want to see me today, I love you enough and came anyway."

After a few minutes, he flew away and I came home, still a wreck.

Then Don was called away on a trip and I went to get a movie for movie night. "Then She Found Me", directed by and acted in by Helen Hunt, caught my eye. But I already had another one in hand. I decided to get it another time. Then when I checked out, the guy told me I had a free movie coupon I could use but it had to be this week. I asked him if I could use it right then, he said yes, I went and got the movie and just finished watching it.

The movie is a raw life movie dealing with many issues with many characters. It was very moving and emotional and touched me in several ways. Then, Helen's character gets to this critical point and she won't pray. Her mother is asking her why she won't pray and she won't answer. Then she breaks and says that she had had faith and had thought God was good... but He had allowed something that had broken her heart. She comes to realize that she feels betrayed by God. I about fell off the sofa.

Without ruining the movie for anyone who decides to watch it, the ending was a blessing that caused me, yes, to cry again. I had to watch it twice... just for the moment. The gift she wanted was not given, but she was given a gift she didn't think she wanted... and it was better than she could have ever imagined.

She sums it up by talking about a Jewish saying that says... a child jumped off the stairs into his father's arms and felt love... but when he jumped and his father didn't catch him, he felt life.

I am amazed that God would reach out to me twice today... and I am so overwhelmed with thankfulness and repentance. His love is unfathomable and overflowing. And I am forever in love with Him... and hawks.

Waiting

Your room is waiting.

Your parents are waiting.

Your sister is waiting.

Prayers are waiting.

Unanswered phone calls are waiting.

Unanswered emails are waiting.

Paperwork is waiting.

Weary and eager hearts are waiting.

Clothes are waiting.

Toys are waiting.

Memories are waiting.

Possibilities are waiting.

Love is waiting.

A family is waiting.

We are waiting for you.

Ballet in a Hurricane

It rained hard yesterday, on my soul that is.

It actually began Wednesday afternoon with a call from the Hospital. They wanted to give us some instructions before we came in on Monday morning. Those instructions were to decrease Abby off a 1000 mg dosage of one of her seizure drugs in a four day period. This kind of "weaning" would usually be done in an 8 week period.

When Don relayed the message to me... it was like someone put my head in a blender and my heart dropped to my feet. The thought of what that kind of drop would do to her body made me sick to my stomach. The thought of how we would be VERY MUCH catapulting her into a "downward spiral" ... as I call it... made me so angry I did think my eyeballs were going to burst. The FIGHT of the mother bear that resides in every mother came rushing to the surface and I literally thought I could kick down a tree... or a house... or a moving train. Then the tears came and my mind was a jumbled mess. Needless to say, in a nutshell, it was horrible.

After talking about it that night and yesterday and several phone calls to the doctor's office, we have decided that this is NOT the time for this testing. It is not in Abby's best interest right now to take such a risk. Every time she slips into a spiral, it takes more drugs to get her out of it which leaves her with more side effects and more damage to her mind and body. With her disease being what it is, there will come a time when the spiral comes and we can't stop it. That will be the time to do the testing.

Then, while we are reeling in this, we find out from the facilitator in CA that we are working with that the facilitator who is working with the birth mother has NOT presented us yet. This is totally contrary to an email she sent me two days before saying we HAD been presented. Was there any reason for this total change of information? No. Was there a reason WHY we had not been presented yet (while it's been sitting there a week!). No. Is there any idea of WHEN we'll be presented? No. At this point, I wanted to crumple onto the floor and throw a full fledged temper tantrum fit with full out screaming and kicking of feet. That thought does make me crack a grin.

So I was hanging by a thread yesterday. I feel I at least have a roll of yarn to hold to today. I was up from 2 a.m. to 5 a.m. this morning. I feel horrible.

Yesterday, my precious husband was trying to love me and distract me. We gave a baby bed to someone we didn't know yesterday and it was a beautiful moment as she handed me three glasses to thank me... and they were the glasses we use. They are so full of thankfulness, they are asking to come back to make a meal for us. Precious.

But Don was trying to cheer me up a bit and told me something a friend had told him. This friend had just visited someone in the hospital who had told him that instead of being upset with the storm in his life, he felt like God wanted him to learn to dance in the rain. SO that's when it hit me, God is trying to teach me to be a ballerina in a hurricane. Note to self: Must get some ballet slippers.