All in a name

I have never really cared for my name... until Tuesday night!

 

Original Word: שָׁ֫חַר
Part of Speech: Noun Masculine
Transliteration: shachar
Phonetic Spelling: (shakh'-ar)
Short Definition: dawn

 charm away (1), dawn (16), dawn* (1), dawning of the day (1), daybreak (2), morning (2).

 Melissa is Greek for "bee." It has no meaning in Hebrew.

Our small group is going through the process of discovering our "God Shape."  It is a fun and telling process that involves understanding the meanings of our names, identifying our spiritual gifts, our strengths and weaknesses, our personality, talents, hobbies, and our dreams.  Each one of us is created with a purpose for the kingdom of God.  Each one of us has a place, part, and purpose in the body of Christ.  When we all work together in the way God created us to, THEN we are whole... a whole body.  A body that can work the way God created it to work, function, serve, grow, live! (Romans 12:3-8 1 Corinthians 12:4-31)

The first part of the process was looking into the Hebrew meaning of our name.  Don looked them up and when he came to the kitchen to tell me mine meant, "dawning of the day and daybreak" I was disappointed and was like yeah, yeah... "Who knew Dawn meant day break... how boring!"  Another site mentions my name can also mean, "first light".  Taylor's name means, "clothed in salvation" and so I was really jealous when we found that out!  I mean... how cool is THAT!

Names are important and always in scripture, the name of a person is very telling about who they are and what they did.  And God often changes the name of a person when they have a major change in their life.  Abram became Abraham.  Saul became Paul.  There are MANY more examples of the LORD changing someone's name but those are the two that come to mind now.  

So I went to small group less than siked about my name.  LOL  And then this amazing thing happened.  The body of Christ went OFF on me... building me up and bringing "new light" to what I felt was a rip off!  It was humbling.  It was the LORD.  I have never felt so smacked with God really wanting to change my mind on something so sweetly like that.  

As I told them I was disappointed in what I had found, they were very anxious to hear.  So I told them the "no brainer, unfantastic meaning" and all their mouths dropped and immediately everyone started sharing thoughts and insight that really caught me off guard.

Our small group leader was the first to share that this name was amazing, holy, and beautiful.  He went on to explain how important day break is and what the moment of first morning light upon the day looks like, brings and means.  Everyone jumped in and started flooding me with thoughts... "it brings hope of the new day, it starts a chorus of praise among creation as the birds go crazy with song at daybreak (I have noticed and loved this for years), how that light penetrates the darkness and cancels it, it arrives with splendor and beauty and power... warmth and light (truth)."  "That is you... so you," said a friend. 

I sat and let it soak in.  Needless to say, I was humbled, smacked, and changed.  I was so heartbroken that I had been hatin on my name... like... forever.  Kids made fun of me growing up about being greasy and needing "Dawn" to take my grease away and to come help their mom wash dishes!  ROFL  Seriously... that doesn't bother me now... however.... the enemy used that to put a dislike for my name deep in my soul at such a young age.  Amazing.  Crafty.  Stealthy.  

As I was older, I wished I had some "beautiful" name like "Julianna" or even "Elizabeth"... something strong and with more than one syllable!  I thought "Dawn" sounded like... I don't know... some foreign sound.  It was just blah... there.

Then someone shared a scripture.  One of my favorite scriptures in the Bible.  And one I have had on my blog for years.  One I have prayed over Abby for years.  Claimed for her.  Begged for her.  And now... it was shared for me... and I was covered in chills and even more humility.

"Then your light shall break forth like the morning, Your healing shall spring forth speedily, and Your righteousness shall go before you.  The glory of the LORD will be your rear guard.  Then you shall call, and the LORD will answer; You shall cry, and He will say 'Here I am.'" 

 Isaiah 58:8,9~

I could have cried.  I received it.  The LORD gave me a love for my name and an identity in Him in it!

What a blessed gift.  I felt very loved... by Him.  How sweet for Him to want me to know that... to see that... to be blessed by that... my name.  Wow.

My middle name, that I have totally hated, now is sweet to me too.  Even though there is no Hebrew meaning... it means "bee" or "honey bee" in Greek.  My mom's name also means "the bee" and I doubt she realizes my middle name means it too.  So it was a sweet gift to find out our names mean the same thing.  It reinforced my sweet connection I have with her. :0)  Besides the fact it totally fits me... BUSY as  BEE!!!!!  

The next night, God spoke to me about names yet again.  I LOVE IT when He does this.  HE ROCKS and does that ALL THE TIME!  Oh PRAISE the LORD who shares such sweet intimacy with us right here on this earth... right here in this room... on the bed where I end the day with devotion! 

My devotion for September 26: ONE OF A KIND: "I will also give him a white stone with a new name written on it, known only to him who receives it."  Revelation 2:17~

I was almost speechless.  But that is rare for me, of course, so I started laughing and thanking him and shaking my head.  On September 25th, He gives me a sweet love for my name.  On September 26th, He reveals He will have a new name for me in heaven.  FLOORED.  AMAZED.  AWED.  I NEVER HAD READ THAT BEFORE.

My mind started wondering, of course, what will my new name be?  I have just come to love my name here and yet... the LORD has another name waiting for me.  Wow.  And an intimate name... handed to us by the HAND of the LORD on a white stone.  And only to be known by me... Him and me.  How intimate is THAT!?

"Why else were individuals created, but that God, loving all infinitely, should love each differently."   C.S. Lewis

I am so thankful for how much the LORD loves me, pursues me, reveals His love to me in SO many ways, delights in me, wants to be with me, and stays with me. He loves us ALL that way... and shows that love to us in MANY ways!!!!

One website has "spiritual meaning" written next to the meaning and mine was, "Joy and Praise."

I receive it.  I have such delight in PRAISING HIM.  HOW COULD I NOT?  

How can we not?

The LORD wants to be intimate with us.  Really, really intimate with us.  He is not something of the past.  He is not just written on pages of an ancient book.  HE IS LIVING and He IS WITH US... IN US!

Look up your name.  Ask the LORD what He wants to show you about your name.  And be blessed.

So much love,

Dawn~

POST EDIT~  Don found this really beautiful article that goes right along with this post-  You can read it here.

Seriously...?

It is already almost totally the end of September?????

I am amazed, almost daily, at how quickly life seems to be racing by me.  Sometimes I am thrilled to see the arrival of the end of a day and even a week... but woe... the year is almost done.

I hate it seems harder and harder for me to get time to blog.  There is simply not enough time in my day.  And there is so much going on and racing by... I can not even believe how long it has been since my last post.

As the season of Fall gets closer... and seems to be here... kind of,  I feel a shift in the season of my life as well.  It's weird when it happens... or I should say... when you realize it is happening.  I have been going full throttle for years.  And now, I am throttling back.  I am entering into a season of rest and Self.

Self.  Yep.  There is no "ish" on the end of that... but a capital "S" on "Self."  At first, I wrestled with it.  It seemed like the "ish" kept trying to claim she was there but she isn't.  And I am now embracing it... with some excitement and hope and also with some caution.

I know the Lord has some things for Me.  Healing.  Insight.  Rest.  Renewal.  Growth.  Freedom.  Joy.

I have been battling for years and I am simply depleted.  The daily walk with Abby has taken it's toll and I am officially (well have been for a year now but REALLY now) spent.  The push/pull battles have stolen so much of who I am and that is not good for anyone.  Not for her.  Not for me.  Not for my husband.  And not for our other children.  It has been such a ongoing yo-yo/roller coaster/cycle.  Become depleted... try and refill, look for help, no help found, pull up the boots, go for another round, feel hope for a few days/moments, become depleted, cry out for help, look for help, help doesn't work, put the big girl panties on, and go for another round... become depleted, feel like a loser, stew in anger and guilt, think about giving up, reality hits you in the face like a big mud pie, find new big girl panties, don't even bother looking for help, and try again.  All the while I am trying to save the world and CARRY ON.  And also not getting sleep as I am listening to the monitor for seizures all night.

AND the MAJOR SPIRITUAL BATTLE that rages on... "If you were praying enough/the right way/she would get better... fast more... I can't earn anything, it's all up to God... storm the gates and throne and boldly plead your case... get on your face in humility and beg like the broken mother you are... rebuke it, love it, separate from it, spend more time with her, spend more time with Him, spend more time alone... yada yada yada yada.  On and on and on and on.  Over and over and over and over.

So.  I am in a season of "Self."  I am getting back to some basic truths... take care of myself first so I then can take care of others... well.  In my attempt to keep myself last, I am falling apart... physically, emotionally, and spiritually.

In addition to working out, starting a women's prayer group, and pulling back from overflowing commitments... I am seeking some major healing and renewal.  Don and I are going to be headed to a place where we can get some serious teaching, time, focus, prayer, and hopefully deliverance.  It will be for 5 days.  I am very hopeful.   

I am also looking forward to some nesting/refreshing!  After seeing this on Pinterest today:

I am ready to Fallify my nest and use some creativity!  It feeds my soul.  Makes me happy.  Like dogs.  Dogs are like live little happy pills for my soul.  I just cuddle a dog, walk a dog, play with a dog, talk to a dog, pet a dog... and my soul enhales and exhales joy!

I said earlier that I am walking through this "Self" time with some caution.  There is a quote from Tom Davis, founder of Children's Hope Chest, that has become an anthem of my life.  He said, "We (Christians) live our lives like we are on vacation when we should be living like we are at war."  So so so true.  We are at war.  Daily.  So my caution comes from knowing that this season is temporary and it is to benefit me, my relationship with the LORD and others, everything I pour myself into... I will be a better mother, a better wife, a better friend, a better servant, a better person IF I take the time to refill.  It is a break with purpose.  And that gives me hope.  And I pray when I come out on the other side, I am better at abiding in HIM so I don't get here again.  This is the end of MANY YEARS of wearing down.  I need some mending, some soul healing, some releasing, some rebooting!

I am so thankful for the word of God and the promise, truth, and life that is there for us.  I have been finding comfort in seeing/reading/newly understanding that Christ Himself walked away from crowds needing healing to be alone with the Father.  Several occasions are recorded when He walked away, boated away, slipped away.  The need was still all around Him.  He did not wait until all the need was met... He left when He needed to... to stay in healthy relationship with the Father, to refill, to listen, to speak to, and be with the LORD.  That is what I am doing.  And I trust He will meet me there.  :0)

So do you need a moment away?  Away from the "busy-ness" of life?  Away from the distractions of life?  Away from the demands of life?  Slip away.  Even if it is to your bedroom behind a locked door for an hour here and there... but slip away when you feel the tug.  It is Him... wanting to be with you!

Much love, Dawn

Feelings

Today is simply a beautiful day.  The weather is just amazing.  It makes me happy.

Isn't it crazy how the weather can make you happy?  It amazes me every year... as Fall starts to arrive... how something in my spirit... just... feels... happy... by just the way it feels outside.

What makes you "feel" happy?  I have to ask the question to myself and there are several answers that immediately come to mind. Fall weather... white lights... great music... worship... being enveloped in my husband's arms... my children experiencing joy... laughing with friends... being with family... college football... and creating. 

Just the thought of those things can make me "feel" happy.  But in a moment... I can feel bad... angry... heartbroken.

Friday morning, as we went outside to get in the car to take the kids to school, our neighbor walked over and showed us this tiny baby bird he had in a little box.  He found it in the middle of his driveway.  I was overcome with anxiety and sadness.  How in the world could we find the nest this little bird belonged in.  It's feathers were just coming in.  How in the world had it gotten to the middle of the driveway?  It was way too young to fly.  What in the world were we going to do with it?

I suggested he take it by a vet and see if they had some options.  And he did.

Last night, Saturday night, I was awake around 4 a.m.  As I lied there, trying to fall back to sleep, I heard a noise... a constant noise.  Was it an owl?  Over and over and over it called.  At 6:30 a.m. when my alarm went off, it was still calling.  And I realized, it was a dove.  We have two doves that eat beneath our bird feeder... and it was her.

When I walked out to get in the car at 7:30 a.m., there she sat, on the peak of my neighbor's house... calling... calling... calling.  I looked up at her and my heart sank.  "You are looking for your baby aren't you sweet one?"  I got into the car and pushed the thought out of my mind.

Tonight, moments ago, I saw my neighbor's wife and I asked her about the bird.  "Yeah, the vet took it."  I was filled with a tiny bit of hope... that it would live, that it was alive, that it had been saved.  Then she said, "Yeah, they said it was a little dove."

A knot the size of a watermelon started up from my gut and was trying to make it's way out of my mouth.  My stomach flipped and my eyes filled with tears.  And I told her what I had heard and seen.  She told me how the same bird had spent hours on her front porch the day before.  How she told her husband she couldn't even look at her.  She, too, knew it was the mother, looking for her baby.

What I feel right now is such disappointment.  Heartbreak.  Yes.  For the bird... for both of them.  Should we have left it in the driveway?  Should we have looked for a nest?  I felt like it was sitting prey for a hawk (that often flies above our yard), or some cat or other creature... we just couldn't leave it there.  But this poor mother... two nights later... still calling... all... all... all night.  It breaks my heart.  And I have not seen her today since this morning.  How I wish I could comfort her somehow.  I will carry this for days.  Bummer.  How long will she carry it?  How long will she look... and call out?  Oh mercy.  If I hear her tonight I may have a mini-breakdown.

Feelings are powerful.  They have the ability to take us from the highest of highs to the lowest of lows in just a moment.  Feelings affect our personality... our mood... our relationships... our very lives.  They can be wonderful and they can be devastating... but the power they have over us is mind blowing when you really think about it.     

But they also require some major attention... and we must be careful with them.  We live in a society saturated with "feelings."  If it feels good... do it.  If it doesn't feel good... leave it.  If it feels right... it must be.  If it feels wrong... it is.  This is one of Satan's playgrounds... driving our "feelings" and intertwining them with lies.  I love what a man I know often says, "Satan will take truth and just sprinkle the tiniest bit of lies it in to get you where he wants you."  95% truth and 5% lies.  Seems like a good ratio.  But it is not.  Not even close.  It only takes the tiniest little bit to get you into his grasp and to destroy you... your family... your marriage... your life.

I was talking to a friend yesterday.  She was saying that she knows what she needs to do but she just doesn't feel like doing it.  How many of us can say that?  I can.  I have fallen victim to that very lie.  Several times.  But praise the Lord, He shows me truth.  And rescues me from the grip of the enemy.  But I remain on guard... because "I don't feel like" can come upon me quickly.

I know marriages ending because one of them didn't "feel" like they should be together anymore.  One of them didn't "feel" like God was going to change the other one.  One of them "felt" they deserved better.  And it is all lies.  And the families have been torn apart.  And sin is abounding.

I know a person living a sinful lifestyle because he "feels" it is the way he is and he "feels" it is ok.  Lies.  All lies.  And his life is being destroyed.  He battles with strongholds the enemy wraps around him, depression, explains away truth, pushes truth away, rolls in rebellion, and is drowning.  Heartbreaking.

And when we are walking in disobedience, the Holy Spirit sits on the peak of a roof... and calls and calls and calls to us.  He sits in distress and calls to us... all night... night after night... looking for His lost child.

The Lord gave me a wonderful example to share with my friend.  I love it when He shows up and just "downloads" words to me like that.  It was powerful.  And it was truth.

In the garden of Gethsemane, Jesus Christ did not "feel" like going to the cross.  He cried, wept, and blood dripped from his forehead from the extreme anxiety He was feeling.  We can not even imagine the distress.  He called out... cried out and asked the Father for another way... for the cup to pass.  But yet, He followed it with, "your will be done... not mine."  Jesus knew He was not only going to be brutally murdered... a slow and horrific painful death... but that He would take on the sin of the world... AND BE SEPARATED FROM GOD.  Even Jesus Christ did not "feel" like doing what He was asked to do.   
But He was obedient.  But He was obedient.  I will say it again.  BUT HE WAS OBEDIENT.

And praise the LORD GOD ALMIGHTY He was... for our sake.  Can we even grasp that?

Jesus Christ was obedient for our very souls.  And He was obedient for the very example of what we are called to do... be obedient.  He even says, several times, that He is being obedient so that we will see He does the will of the Father and not His own.

If Christ took the brutality of the cross and separation from God... when He didn't "feel" like it... who are we to think that we have the right and even His blessing to not do what we are called to do because we don't "feel" like it?  Who do we think we are?  Really.  

As Christians, when we accept Jesus Christ as our Savior and accept His gift... it is not FREE.  It comes with a price we are to pay... daily... our lives.  When we are buried into baptism and immersed into His name, we die.  When we are raised out of the water, we are resurrected with Him and we are new creatures... we are purchased, we belong to Him, and we live for Him.  And we obey.  It is not about us anymore and our "feelings"... it is about Him and about truth.  Period.

The world tells us to walk around and live by our feelings.  The word of God says to walk in the Spirit and in obedience.  Even if you don't "feel" like it... you are to obey.  The moment you give Satan a tiny step into telling you otherwise, the truth can be dulled and diluted with lies.  And he has you.

And I know for a fact, God rewards obedience.  His word gives us example after example of that.  And my life is an example of that.  My marriage is an example of that.  My three children are examples of that.  This blog is an example of that.

I beg of you, whatever you are "feeling" that you know to not be truth, not be in line with God's word... make a decision and become obedient despite your feelings.  Confide in a friend and get support and encouragement.  Satan wants you to keep it to yourself more than ever... then he can keep feeding you lies and pull you further and further away.  Speak truth over it and rebuke the lies of the enemy.  Walk it out.  And I promise you... and even more so... the LORD promises you... you will be blessed beyond measure.

Dear Lord, thank you.  Thank you for Jesus Christ.  Thank you for your word.  Thank you for your Holy Spirit.  I plead with you to allow me to see attacks of the enemy when he tries to use my "feelings" to pull me towards sin and away from you.  Please help me be on guard, daily, as he stalks me daily, and give me your strength and your wisdom and your power to rebuke him and stay in your will.  Lord, thank you, thank you, thank you for your mercy... for your love, for your grace, for the way you pursue us and call out to us when we wander from you.  Thank you for your forgiveness and for the cloak of righteousness in Christ Jesus.  Thank you for the life and example of your Son.  Thank you for your Presence and how active you are in our lives.  Thank you, thank you, thank you... for the Shepherd who called me by name.  Oh how I love you and want to be with you.  In your holy Son's name, in the name of Jesus Christ, Amen.

Much much love, Dawn

Keep on Asking

I received a plea yesterday, from a sweet friend.  It broke my heart and I could relate to every word she spoke.  "I am tired of waiting," was what resonated most.  Oh.  How I tire of waiting.  Especially when I feel distanced from the LORD while doing so.  It is what stretches us most.  It's what causes faith to rise the highest.  Silence.

As soon as I read her note, this devotion came to mind.  It is one of my favorites from, "At His Feet," by Chris Tiegreen.  I reference it here often.  It is one of my highest recommendations.  If you love a little daily nugget to ponder, to chew one, to encourage you, challenge you, inspire you... Get it!

So here it is.  It is for my friend.  It is for me.  It is for everyone who has ever knocked on the door and been left waiting.

KEEP ON ASKING
"Ask and it shall be given to you."   Luke 11:9

IN WORD   Jesus has just finished a curious parable about a man banging persistently at his neighbor's door in the middle of the night, asking for an inordinate amount of bread.  This is prayer, Jesus says.  It doesn't matter if the hour is inappropriate, the request is large, and the initial answer is no. True prayer means desperation outweighs protocol.  

Some translations capture the continuous nature of this verse.  Jesus implied to his disciples they are to keep on asking, keep on seeking, keep on knocking; then they will receive.  We don't know why persistence is required; Jesus doesn't tell us that.  But the fact that it is required is clear. Prayer calls for boldness and relentlessness.

If you are like most people, you pray about a matter for a while.  Then, not having heard from God, you give up, assuming it wasn't His will to answer.  But nowhere in the Bible are we told that God's silence means "no".  In fact, Jesus demonstrates to a Caananite woman that His silence means, "keep on asking." (Matthew 15:22-28)  Scripture never gives us permission to drop a request because we got no immediate answer.  We are to have a no ceasing attitude to our prayers. (I Thessalonians 5:17)  If God wants to show us our prayers are unscriptural or out of line with His will, He will show us.  If He wants to say "no," He will actually say it.  Silence is not "no."

IN DEED  Often, our prayers are characterized by tentativeness and transience.  They are not confident declarations of His will in a situation and expectant invitations for Him to RSVP in power.  While we should always be open for Him to redirect our prayers, or even to say "no," we should never assume that a slow answer, by our standards, is a non-answer, Jesus never gives us a hint that God is rejecting us in His silence.  Like the farmer who waits for his harvest, we are to wait for His answers.  Jesus is clear: Keep on asking!  (November 9, "At His Feet," by Chris Tiegreen)


It is amazing how this one devotion speaks to me each year.  I have notes on this page/prayer from 2009, 2010, and 2011.  All three of them are about Abby's healing.  I have been praying for her healing since 2003.  This year, I will record my fourth note/prayer on this page, and it, again, will be about Abby's healing.  Nine years of prayers.  Nine years of tears.  Nine years of crying out. Nine years of knocking, seeking, praying, asking, begging, fasting, striving, laying down.... growing... stretching... and nine years of His presence in all of it.  She has been healed in several ways... but we pray for complete healing and we believe He is a God who heals... completely.  And so we pray and we wait... we believe... and we wait.  We praise and we wait.  

November is a stellar month in this devotion.  I believe it was November when I purchased it.  I had several in hand I was trying to decide on.  So I decided to read that days devotion in all of them and see if one spoke to me. Well... it smacked me upside the head!  And it has been doing so since.

There is another one that goes right along with "Keep on Asking," and it is from November 26, "A Place of Insufficiency."  And since they go so hand in hand... and this post is for my sweet friend, as well as a reminder to myself, I have to include it.


A PLACE OF INSUFFICIENCY
"What is impossible with men is possible with God." Luke 18:27

IN WORD   We almost get the impression sometimes that when something is impossible for us but necessary or fruitful for God's kingdom, He'll step in and help us out, perhaps a little reluctantly.  He becomes our "God of the gaps"-- He makes up the difference when we just don't have the strength.  But in the back of our minds, we think He'd prefer that we have the strength.

Nothing can be further from the truth.  God is not reluctant about our impossibilities.  He relishes them.  He sometimes even waits until we arrive at them before He acts.  Just as it was Paul's weakness that allowed God to show His strength (2 Corinthians 12:9), it is our powerlessness that demonstrates His power.  If we were self-sufficient in everything, no one would ever see God.

In today's verse, the disciples were astounded when Jesus says it is difficult for the rich to inherit salvation.  They wonder, who then, can be saved?  But why is it so difficult for the rich to be saved?  Since we are all saved the same way, through faith in Jesus, what makes it harder for the rich?  A sense of self-sufficiency.  It is an obstacle to God's work in any one's life.  In laying down this principle of salvation, Jesus is giving us a principle in any work--- it must be all from God and not all from us.

IN DEED   Are you at a place of insufficiency?  Don't despair.  It may feel as if God wasn't watching or caring for you when you arrived there.  But not only was He watching, He planned it!  He brought you there because it is the only place where He can step in an work and be acknowledged as the power behind your victories.  If you were not completely unable to meet your own needs, you would receive credit for fulfilling them.  He had to bring you face to face with your inabilities in order to bring you face to face with His abilities.  You are exactly where He wants you to be.

Complete weakness and dependence will always be the occasion for the Spirit of God to manifest His power.  Oswald Chambers~

 
It is so very hard to remove ourselves from the culture that saturates us with the false need and false sense of self-sufficiency.  I am so smacked with this anytime I hear of a healthy, active 30 year old dropping dead.  I have seen it several times and it is always a sober reminder that we are NOT SELF SUFFICIENT in anything!  Our very lives can be gone in a moment.  The stock market can tank tomorrow and fortunes, savings and futures can disappear in a moment. Another terrorist attack can happen and we can be quickly reminded that even our sense of safety can be oh so false.  

We are not in control.  We are not at the steering wheel.  We can do nothing alone.  He has given us the very blessing of awaking today.  He has given us the very breath we breathe.  He has it...all of it.  ALL of it. 

It is so hard to look at life with our spiritual eyes and not our physical.  Satan saturates us with the physical to dull and blind and distract our spiritual vision.  He is the master of that.  I can not tell you how many times something can be explained in the spiritual reality versus the physical reality and someone will say, "I never saw it that way!"  Oh how true that is.

Stay focused sweet friend... friends... myself!  See clearly with spiritual eyes and be discerning with the physical.  Rebuke the lies that Satan yells at you daily and declare truth in their place.  And know that the LORD is your warrior... and He is with you every step of the way in this life!  And the victory is ours through Christ Jesus... because He loves us THAT MUCH!

Much love, Dawn

His great power for us... 

"I keep asking that the God of our Lord Jesus Christ, the glorious Father, may give you the Spirit of wisdom and revelation, so that you may know him better. I pray also that the eyes of your heart may be enlightened in order that you may know the hope to which He has called you, the riches of His glorious inheritance in the saints, and His incomparably great power for us who believe. That power is like the working of His mighty strength, which He exerted in Christ when He raised Him from the dead and seated Him at the right hand in the heavenly realms..." Ephesians 1:17-20

One of my favorite scriptures.  Just breath it in today.  Meditate on the richness of promise, hope, and blessing in this one little passage. ~

Be blessed.
Love, Dawn

"Then your light will break forth like the dawn, and your healing will quickly appear; then your righteousness will go before you, and the glory of the Lord will be your rear guard. Then you will call, and the Lord will answer; you will cry for help, and He will say: Here am I." Isaiah 58: 8, 9~

My Anything #2- Fear of Man

This post has been on my heart for sometime.  I have prayed for the right time to share.  I have prayed for the guidance of the Holy Spirit.  It is my desire, my deepest heart's desire that it will ignite a huge flame in the heart of every reader.  Never before, have I shared such an intimate testimony.  To be God the glory, all the honor, all the praise, and all the thankfulness.  All my life.  His touch will forever transform.  I adore Him for that... and so much more.

On December 8th of 2009, I was baptized in the Holy Spirit.  The breath of heaven washed over me in a way I could have only hoped to have known, felt, experienced.  My heart wanted it so badly.  My soul knew it lingered there for a long time...waiting to explode... to ignite a holy fire... to start to refine like never before.  I have been left forever marked... forever changed... forever wanting... more.

We had a small group meeting in our home.  The way the Lord worked all that out is heavenly!  We started the group in hopes of helping/encouraging couples with marriage.  To pray for our marriages, support, hold each other accountable... all that stuff!  Which is great stuff.  Really great stuff.  But God had another idea.

People weren't signing up!  HA HA  Seemed like no one wanted a "marriage" small group.  Our pastor encouraged us to call some people.  Don and I felt strongly that God would send whom He had decided... even if it was two couples.  And so we waited.  People started signing up and we ended up with three dedicated couples, plus ourselves.  We asked them what they wanted to do.  We explained that we didn't want to have a "plan" but wanted the group to meet the needs of everyone there.  Everyone quickly agreed to let the Spirit be in control and guide it.  Excellent decision number one!  We ended up being a prayer life group.  Excellent decision number two!  We ministered to each other and grew in love and friendship and the Holy Spirit was present and amazing.  Each time, people would hear similar things and it would be totally apparent what we needed to do for each other that night.

One of the couples laughed and finally shared that when the Lord told them to sign up for our group, they were disappointed!  LOL  They thought, "marriage"... really???? But they were obedient.  They had experienced the baptism of the Holy Spirit and were the very ones God called to lead us in closer to Him.  I praise Him for that.  B and J... your obedience to the Spirit... excellent decision number three!

Soon, our little group was encountering His presence every time we gathered and it was amazing.  It was Holy.  It was beautiful.  Then one night, another woman started praying in the Spirit for the first time.  At first, I thought she was crying and I reached out and put my hand on her leg.  Suddenly, I could feel power flowing through her like I had my finger in an electrical outlet and I knew what it was.  I knew this woman to be a true, warrior, lover of the LORD and so I knew to trust what was happening.  When you feel, literally feel, the power of the LORD... there is not much else to think it is!

After that night, I was on my face in my room, begging the LORD to touch me like that.  As a believer, I know I am sealed with the Holy Spirit.  And I know that Christ dwells inside me.  I had experienced promptings of the Holy Spirit for years.  And I had experienced two, what I call... "washings" of the Holy Spirit in the deepest darkness of Abby's illness, where I immediately knew God had spoken/answered me in the Spirit.  So I was already hungry for any interaction with the Spirit I could get.  I had no fear.  How could I fear being saturated with the living power of God Almighty that He sent to us in exchange for Jesus returning to heaven?  Christ told the disciples they would be GLAD Jesus was returning BECAUSE THEN God could send the Spirit.  Now the Spirit must be something AMAZING if we are to be GLAD JESUS is back in heaven so we can receive it!

I prayed and prayed.  And waited and waited.  Nothing.  I told the LORD, "That is ok.  I will wait.  I know you have this for me.  And I will wait and love you and seek you... always."

During this time we were invited to go to a Tuesday night house church that worshiped freely in the Spirit.  What I mean by this is this:  The person who "led" the group would feel God put something on his heart to share that night with the group.  He and his wife and others would pray all week for God to show them, guide them to what He wanted then to share and talk about.  Then when we would meet, we would worship.  If the LORD put a scripture on someone's heart, they could stand and share it.  Then someone else might add to it.  Then someone else would share a testimony.  Then two others would share how that was exactly what God had been telling them that week and they would share.  Then we would worship... praising the LORD for hours sometimes.  

They were having a night for healing prayers.  The night was dedicated to crying out to the LORD for healing for ourselves and others.  Of course, Abby was on my heart.  My heart wanted to ask for prayer for the baptism of the Holy Spirit.  But I felt it was selfish to ask.  I wanted Abby's healing before I wanted mine.  I wanted it with everything I had inside me.  THAT was why I was going.

So we went.  And amazingly, two other couples from our small group were there.  Four of them went up for prayer.  When they did, they were asked if we (Don and I) were with them.  They answered yes.  They then asked them to ask us to join them up there.  I was waiting for the LORD to tell me what to do and when and so we went up and joined them.  (*Note* Later, they shared that that week, the Lord told them that 6 people were coming who were in need of healing. That's why they asked if we were with them... we made 6.  It was my first time there.  A couple in our small group had been going for a while and had often asked us to join them.)

One by one, we were asked what we needed.  One by one, we shared.  When they got to me, I was asked what I wanted.  "I am here to pray for healing for my daughter."  This woman looked at me, like she was looking at me for the first time and asked again, "What are "YOU" here for?"  I knew in that moment.  She knew.  She was looking deep into my soul and it cried out... TELL HER!  So I did.  "I want to be baptized in the Holy Spirit."  She asked, have you never been baptized in the Spirit?  "No," I answered.

*I feel I must interrupt the flow here for a moment.  I am not a biblical expert.  But here is what I know.  I was baptized at 11 years of age because I was told that if I died that day I would go to hell because I knew right from wrong and was not a Christian.  I was baptized out of fear.  Later in my life, in my twenties, when I realized that being a christian was about a surrendered and obedient relationship with the Father who loved us SO much that He sent Jesus to take my place in death and judgement, I was re-baptized into Christ out of humble thankfulness and to be buried with Him in my death and risen again in new life.  They were totally different from each other.  But I know, what I know, from what happened to me, that water baptism is symbolic of the washing of my sins, being buried with Him in the tomb, and then risen again into new life.  The baptism of the Holy Spirit is different.  It is a washing of the Spirit.  It was Christ baptizing with fire.  I will share scriptures for this at the end.*

As she layed hands on me, doubt tried to step in and tell me this was a crock.  She simply prayed that I would be washed in the baptism of the Holy Spirit.  She continued to pray and I felt my knees start to slide down.  "What are you doing," I heard myself ask myself?  "Do not go down on the floor," I told myself... or actually... Satan told me.  The battle was raging.  I could feel it.  It was unbelievable.  Then "surrender" came to me over and over and over... "surrender" washed over and me I said, "I surrender."  At that moment my mouth started moving and I was not moving it.  Then waves of power started rolling through me like my finger was in a light socket.  And so I let go... and fell into it.

PRAISE THE LORD ALMIGHTY.

As my mouth moved and the most beautiful words I have ever heard flowed out... my heart felt as if it would burst.  I was overcome with so much joy I thought I would really explode.  I started laughing as I continued to hear words roll from my mouth that were the Spirit's words.  It felt as if a tiny window in heaven had opened and there was this direct chord from me to God.  I could not believe that God was so gracious to show Himself to me like this.  My laughing then turned to tears as I was overcome with so much humbleness and gratitude... who was I for the LORD to touch me like this.  I am just a girl.  I am just me.  And You are You... God.  And THIS.  You are showing me THIS.  It felt like every prayer I had ever prayed, every emotion I had ever had, every fear, every longing was spilling out in such rapid fashion that I could not even swallow my spit!  And I was afraid to stop long enough to swallow my spit because I wanted it to last forever. I lied there for what I thought was 15 minutes.  My husband told me it was an hour.  The most amazing hour of my entire life.  I no longer just had faith in the Holy Spirit.  I had knowledge.  He was more real than I had ever even tried to fathom.  I was blown away.  Forever, forever changed.  The spiritual had become physical before me.  The two realms were present before me and my eyes were opened.  I can only shake my head as I remember this for the first time.  I thought I would never be able to move again!

The next day, doubt (Satan) came back to tell me that what happened was not real.  So I got back down on my sweet floor... face down, and I asked the LORD to touch me again... to confirm what had happened... that I only wanted Him and ALL of Him I could get... right here on earth.  And it happened again... right there on my sweet floor.

THANK YOU FATHER.

I was like Dorothy in the "Wizard of Oz"!  I felt like I had been living in black and white.  I only knew black and white.  But I felt like there was more.  And then, the door was opened... to a world of color.  Nothing would be the same.  Ever.  It had been right there... right there!

I wondered how I would even be able to grocery shop again.  How could I just do anything "normal" like that again!  LOL  I just wanted to hole up in my room and pray and pray and pray.  I dove into the bible with a hunger like I had never known.  Digging and digging for treasure.  And God answered.  That year was a huge year for us as we discovered our identity in Israel, beauty of treasures hidden in the original language of the Word, and people started coming out of the wood work who were experiencing the same thing.  I began having vivid dreams and was simply addicted to the LORD!  Glory Hallelujah.

Sadly, the enemy is never far behind. 

 "The enemy will not see you vanish into God's company without an effort to reclaim you." --C.S. Lewis  

Of course, once you know the door to the world of color is right there... right there for the taking... waiting to be sought, waiting to be knocked on, waiting to be opened... you want to tell everyone.  I was giddy.  Seriously.  I smile just to remember.  But not every one wants to hear it.  And not every one wants to know.  And not every one wants to celebrate with you.  Enter in a new set of spiritual warfare attacks.  I have friends and even family who think I am "that" one.  There are even people we worship with who think I am "that" one.  Now I can laugh.  Praise the LORD.  I AM THAT ONE!  I AM SOLD OUT.  I HAVE BEEN TOUCHED AND I AM THAT ONE.  AND I AM FINALLY FREE TO SHOUT IT FROM THE ROOF TOPS!  

It affected friendships.  It affected my blogging.  It brought on more warfare with the enemy.  It affected my worship.  That was a hard one.  I would feel the Spirit start to ignite/manifest... whatever you want to call it... during worship and I would shut it down for fear of what people would think.  Satan would tell me, "Everyone thinks you just want to be seen." And I would listen, agree with him, and shut down the Spirit.  One day at church, I literally had a napkin in my mouth as the Spirit just went to town!  I was on the praise team and I would feel it coming... and I would shut it down.  You can either surrender and go with it or you can clamp down and shut it down.  I was on stage at church, singing with the praise team, and it arrived.  I had entered the throne room in worship.  Forgotten where I was and really entered in... really was worshiping.  Suddenly, I stood as rigid as I could and clamped my mouth tight and stood there almost in tears.  The word says to use your gifts to encourage one another.  It also says not to quench or grieve the Spirit.  I was telling Him, "No, not here, not now."  My heart was pierced deeply.  I quit praise team and I went home and went to bed and cried and cried and cried.  I promised I would never shut Him down ever ever again.  That if He ever graced me with His presence again like that, I didn't care who I was with or where... He could have His way with me.  I am just the vessel.  And I want to be used and obedient.  And oh how I want His presence!

I launched into a study on the Holy Spirit and became solid in my belief for what had happened... what was happening... and grew in my desire and delight for it.  Slowly I began to realize that I would share when the occasion presented itself... or should I say... God presented the situation.  I also realized I could leave a room if I needed to... but still not shut it down.  I have had the privilege of sharing with several people who have since experienced this and who were seeking for more.  Others are asking and still seeking.  It is a sweet gift to share something so sweet with someone wanting more!  To see people's lives changed from such an encounter is a gift. 

So there it is.  I have prayed about when to share.  I so wanted to share.  But there is this little thing... fear of man... that the enemy likes to taunt me with... about what people will think...say... respond.  But that is not up to me.  Even Christ was accused of being possessed by Satan by the religious leaders when He spoke God's word and performed miracles.  Who am I to also not be accused of what ever man may say?  What is up to me is to be a reflection of Christ.  To share how real He is.  To share about how the Holy Spirit is the agent of His power on earth and it is very alive and active.  To live for Him, to grow in Him, to be used by Him.  And that is what I long to do.  More than anything.

More than anything. 

I am singing again.  I see how Satan attacks my worship with his lies.  I realized that I was giving in to him and not doing what God created me to do... worship Him.  Worship is my passion.  I can not do it enough.  It is a verb.  It is an action.  My favorite way to worship is in song.  I still struggle, hearing Satan's lies and attacks as he strives to quiet me.  But I will keep worshiping as long as I have breath.

This Sunday we are singing, "Awake my Soul" by Chris Tomlin.  You can listen to it at the end.  After listening to it about 20 times in 2 days... I realized I was being called to awaken again.  To get out of the distraction of life and awaken.  And the Spirit said... share.  And I was obedient.  So I am laying down my "anything" of "fear of man".  And I boldly proclaim who He is... in ALL HIS GLORY.  He is my everything.

I pray you are blessed in some way.  And I pray that the flame of the LORD'S heart and Spirit romances each and every one of you!


These scriptures were helpful for me in my journey.  I pray, if you have ever felt, in your Spirit, that there is more... there is.  Please seek it... and you shall find it!

"The man without the Spirit does not accept the things that come from the Spirit of God, for they are foolishness to him, and he cannot understand them, because they are spiritually discerned."  

1 Corinthians 2:14~

1 Corinthians 12- (1)" Now concerning spiritual gifts, brethren, I do not want you to be ignorant: (3) therefore I make known to you that no one speaking by the Spirit of God calls Jesus accursed, and no one can say that Jesus is Lord except by the Holy Spirit. (4) There are diversities of gifts, but the same Spirit.  There are different ministries, but the same LORD.  And there are diversities of activities, but the same God who works all in all. (7)  But the MANIFESTATION OF THE SPIRIT IS GIVEN TO EACH ONE FOR THE PROFIT OF ALL: (8) for one is given the word of wisdom through the Spirit, to another the word of knowledge through the same Spirit, to another faith by the same Spirit, to another gifts of healings by the same Spirit, to another working of miracles, to another prophesy, to another discerning spirits, to another different kinds of tongues. (11) But one and the same Spirit works all these things DISTRIBUTING TO EACH ONE INDIVIDUALLY AS HE WILLS. " 

Spiritual gifts are there for every believer.  Each one.  The Holy Spirit decides what gifts He wills you to have.  But we are told to "earnestly desire the best gifts" in verse 31. 

All the gifts exist to edify or build up the church as a whole, as well as each individual member/believer.  What better reason for Satan to attack this area in our lives!?

Acts 10:44-46, Acts 19:1-6 show that after one receives the baptism of the Holy Spirit, an initial act that follows is the person's ability to speak in tongues, or pray in the Spirit.  Acts 19 shows clearly that they were believers who had not yet been baptized in the Spirit.

"And it happened, while Apollos was at Corinth, that Paul, having passed through the upper regions, came to Ephesus.  And finding some disciples he said to them, "Did you receive the Holy Spirit when you believed?" So they said to him, "We have not so much as heard whether there is a Holy Spirit.  And he said to them, "Into what then were you baptized?  So they said, "Into John's baptism."  Then Paul said, "John indeed baptized with a baptism of repentance, saying to people that they should believe on Him who would come after him, on Christ Jesus.  When they heard this, they were baptized in the name of the Lord Jesus.  And when Paul laid hands on them, the Holy Spirit came upon them, and they spoke with tongues and prophesied."    Acts 19:1-6

"While Peter was still speaking these words, the Holy Spirit fell upon all those who heard the word.  And those of circumcision who believed were astonished, as many as came with Peter, because the gift of the Holy Spirit had been poured out on the Gentiles also.  For they heard them speak with tongues and magnify God.  "Then Peter answered, "Can anyone forbid water, that these should not be baptized who have received the Holy Spirit just as we have?  And he commanded them to be baptized in the name of the Lord.  Then they asked him to stay a few days."  Acts 10:44-48~

These scriptures confirmed, for me, that the baptism of the Holy Spirit can be at a different time than water baptism into the name of Jesus Christ.

"And it shall come to pass in the last days, says God, That I will pour out my Spirit on all flesh; Your sons and daughters shall prophesy, Your young men shall see visions, Your old men shall dream dreams.  And on my menservants and on my maidservants I will pour out my Spirit in those days; And they shall prophesy."  Acts 2:14~

Belief and doubt affect the power of the Holy Spirit.  Christ was not able to do miracles in His own hometown "because of their unbelief."  Matthew 13:53-58~

Luke shows an account where it is mentioned that Christ was able to heal because the power of the LORD, Holy Spirit, was upon Him. 

"Now it happened on a certain day, as He was teaching, that there were Pharisees and teachers of the law sitting by, who had come out of every town of Galilee, Judea, and Jerusalem.  And the power of the LORD was present to heal them."  Luke 5:17~

"Most assuredly, I say unto you, he who believes in Me, the works that I do he will do also: and greater works than these he will do, because I go to My Father."  John 14:12~

This scripture speaks VOLUMES to what our life should be like as a believer.  And Satan doesn't want us to know... doesn't want us to believe.  He wants to silence the power of God and strives for it daily... moment by moment... person by person.  He wants to keep us from the Presence of God and he strives for it daily... moment by moment... person by person.  He has armies on assignment (Ephesians 6:12) and they attack us... daily.  Their job is to KILL, STEAL, and DESTROY.  They steal our gifts, our blessings, our time, our intimacy, our potential, our testimony, our families, our children, our marriages, our health, our ministries, our focus, our relationships, our hearts.  

They hate us with a passion because Christ loved us to death... and saved us.

There is power in the Holy Spirit and in the name of Jesus Christ.  They are gifts to us from God Himself... to be used here.. now.  The gifts of the Holy Spirit are the bonus prizes of becoming a believer.  

This is a great read if you want more information on the gifts of the Holy Spirit.  You can find it on Amazon and in many book stores.

  

I will end with part of my devotion from last night, from "At His Feet" by Chris Tiegreen.

"One of the foundational dynamics of the kingdom of God is this principle: faith, then sight.  How often do we reverse the order?  Our natural inclination is, "I'll believe it when I see it."  But throughout Jesus' ministry, He is emphatic that we have it backward.  We'll see the glory of God when we believe!  It's one of the hardest principles for Christians to grasp.  The work of the Almighty is dependent on the level of our faith.  It isn't that we limit Him; it's that He has limited Himself.  His modus operandi in this world is to act in response to faith: the prayers of the faith, the obedience of faith, and the attitude of faith.  As incredible as it seems, the biblical witness is that our belief prompts His intervention.  And without belief, He often does not intervene."

"Did I not tell you that if you believed, you would see the glory of God?" 

 John 11:40~

The world tells us to believe in ourselves.  The world tells us to believe in Santa, and the Easter Bunny, and the Tooth Fairy.  If we spent half the time people spend trying to convince their children to believe in Santa and such into believing in the Holy Spirit... then there would be a revolution for sure!  The word of God tells us to believe in the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit.  And to believe with the faith of a child.

Christ died for us while we were sinners.  But we are risen with Him as a new creation.  And we are called to walk in the Spirit.  We were given authority over the enemy with the name of Jesus.  It is time we use it and break free from bondage that binds our lives in the physical, even though we are seated at the right hand in the spiritual! 

Believe!

You can read about my #1 Anything here.

   
 

Sweet Moments 


It happened this morning.  I opened the door to let the dogs out (yes... dog with a "s") and it slammed into me like a child running full throttle with the greatest gift in her arms.  Crisp cool morning air.  It caught me so off guard, I caught my breath, my soul did a small back flip and the biggest smile covered my face.  The first kiss of the promise of Fall.  Oh joy.  I just giggled at the thought of it... Fall is on her way.  How it can be so HOT right now is JUST BEYOND me after such a fabulous and lush morning!  Oh delight!  I simply LOVE LOVE LOVE cool mornings!  I threw the kitchen window and made coffee with a slight kick to my step!

This is my Fall banner from last year.  Isn't it yummy?  Doesn't it just make you happy?  Don't you just feel all cozy all over!!??  ME TOO!

Now... on to my "dogs".  We are fostering!  I am so excited.  I have been wanting to save a dog for years now.  Don says "no" every time I beg him to go to the shelter.  If every one just saved ONE... can you imagine all the LOVE shared!  Empty dog cages in shelters instead of dogs being drug down the hallway to be killed.  Oh.  The thought of what happens everyday in MASS QUANTITY just makes me want to scream and stay in bed for a year.  Our world breaks my heart so deeply.  Selfishness of man makes me grieve almost daily.  Whether it is children being turned out onto the street on August 31 from orphanages because they have "aged" out, babies being killed in the womb in mass numbers every hour or massive numbers of animals being abused and killed every day... I just do not know how God can continue to watch His creation be so destructive and heartless.

So.  I often try to "do what I can" and "do my part" knowing/reminding myself daily that I can not save the world.  It is small things.  But it is SOMETHING.  And HOPEFULLY I am teaching my children to be loving, thoughtful, giving, compassionate, and aware.  I stumbled across Angels Among Us Pet Rescue on facebook.  You can see their website here.  They do an AMAZING job finding and rescuing animals from high kill shelters in the ATL area!  Right here in my back yard.  I went through a process.  The posts had me depressed for two weeks.  I really thought I was going to have to "unlike" them because I was depressed like every other day.  No.  Really.  I would see a picture of 6 dogs on the "kill list" for the day and would just want to vomit.  I would cry.  I'd cry on facebook.  I'd cry in the shower.  And then I'd cry in the car.  And I could not shake them.  So I started wondering... could I be a foster?  Would Don let me?  Would I be able to part with a precious baby I had saved?  How would it affect my kids?  How would it affect my dog?  How would it affect our life?  And I prayed.  In a bad, depressed mood, for two weeks.  I waited.  It was SO hard to wait.  I would see more and more dogs and more and more pleas for help/fosters/adoptions.  So then one day last week, I was talking to Don about it.  One dog had captured my heart with week before and there she was again.  I showed him.  And he said, call them... get it!  That was my "go".  That was what I needed.  I had the foster application in that day and we had our home visit the next.  For some reason, I am trusting in God in the details, we did not get THE dog that propelled us forward.  It was weird... the way the whole thing went down... but I had peace.  Friday morning, I saw four dogs on the "PLEASE help us NOW" list and I volunteered to foster any of them.  This is who we got on Saturday morning...

 

Sassperilla is/was her name.  On the way home, she told Taylor and I that she would love the name Chloe.  So... that is what we are calling her.  She is very much a Chloe.  When they brought her to me and placed her in my arms, she was trembling like a leaf.  Then she pressed her body into mine, snuggled up to my face, and starting licking me like crazy.  She knew.  We were there for her.  And I started bawling.  It was so sweet.  Her ears were down and her tail was tucked.  The kids were in the car waiting... along with our furry little man, Dusty.  She met them all with kisses.  We were all smitten.  Her crate was in the back of the van and Abby sat back there and read books and talked to her on the way home.  Abby has become her biggest fan.  They love each other a lot.  

 She sits in Abby's lap and sleeps with Abby.  She stayed by Abby's side last night and did not move.  Abby talks to her and says, "It's ok little baby.  I am here for you," and "It's ok little girl.  I will take care of you."  It has awakened a very sweet compassion inside of her.  Precious.

 Yes.  The thought has crossed my mind.  Keeping her.  Oh yeah.  I have to battle it daily.  And THIS is what gets me through it:  By finding her a great family and letting her go... we can save another one.  And then another one.  Until God closes that door.  I will have made the smallest difference in the horror that befalls so many of these loving and voiceless animals.  THAT makes me smile.  THAT gives me strength.  THAT is such a blessing to my soul.

So here is what I have made for this precious little one.

 Isn't it a great little poster!

She has just started giving me eye contact on a regular basis.  The first day, I would get down on the floor and lie in front of her and talk to her in my smoopy lovey dovey precious doggy voice.  On several occasions, she would cover her little eye with her paw.  Tears.  So much sadness.  Just made my heart ache.  But I loved and loved and loved and loved her.  And last night... her tail came out from her hiding place and was waving high behind her like a happy little flag!  What joy!  She looked at me when I talked to her and wagged her precious little tail.  S-W-E-E-T.  Just three days with her and she is already healing and trusting.  I don't deserve such a precious gift!

So we are searching and praying for this little one to have a family soon.  I know it will be someone special!  Could be you... :0)

Much love...
Dawn

POST EDIT:  She has stolen my heart even more.  Last night, she played for the first time.  I put on my shoes to run an errand and she ran towards my feet and popped them with her feet and then spun around in a little circle and crouched down in the "pounce" position.  It was precious!!  So I bought a small ball at the store and brought it home to her and she immediately started popping it around on the floor and chasing it like a little cat!  What a sweet surprise to see such a sweet playful personality!  I got down to try and get her ball and she gave the "growl" all the while wagging her tail and then dropped the ball into my hand.  LOVE.  She is going to be such a wonderful addition to a very blessed family!  I will miss her like crazy.  She brings the sweetest purest joy to my heart!  :0) 

Count your blessings... name the one by one...
      count your blessings see what God has done...

I have another "Anything" post to write but it will take some time I just haven't had.  It has been a rough few days with Abster.  Heart breaking.  We need help.  So I can only recount some blessings before I go to bed and try to let the last thoughts of my day be thankful ones.  God is here.  In the midst of the storm.  And He asks me to get out of my boat and walk on water.  I must, I must, I must keep my eyes on HIM and only HIM and not the storm around me.  Or I will sink.

* yellow birds on my bird feeder
* sweet words from my mother
* encouraging words from a friend's daughter, totally blew me away and I am deeply grateful
* encouraging words from a stranger, the LORD using her to again lift my heart
* pink clouds across the sky
* family fun, laughter and joy at a $2 movie
* the surprise of Abby's well timed sense of humor
* a night of sleep without one interruption... a rare delight
* cold glass of pink lemonade while children play in the sprinkler
* books arriving in the mail
* scripture that calls my name and feeds my soul
* daughter excited about scripture used in her school classes, hearts delight
* the hope of Saturday
* the luxury of a washing machine
* my fluffy one greeting me with ball in mouth and excited to play fetch outside
* a little boy's delight in building a tall tower with blocks
* music to the Lord playing through the house on Pandora
* sudden moments of peace
* a moment of realization- perfection does not need to be my goal- and that is ok
* the coolness of night... tiny glimmer of a coming fall... my totally favorite time of year

How many thankfuls do you have for today?

Be blessed.
Much love, Dawn

Every Moment As If

Once again, the beautiful and anointed Ann Voskamp has shared something that causes the core of my soul to sit up and evaluate.  Evaluate my thoughts.  Evaluate my priorities.  Evaluate my heart.  Evaluate my motivation.  Evaluate my focus.  Evaluate my days.  Evaluate my life.  She is so very good at that.  I simply adore her.

I won't go into all the detail of her post but you can read it here.  And I so encourage you to read it.  It will leave a fingerprint on your heart.  One worth having there.  

How would my life look if I were about to be murdered?  If I were standing there with a gun pointed to my head?  A knife at my throat?  A knife moments away from piercing me many times?  What would be going through my head?  What would be my final plea?

Now what would I do if someone, a stranger, a friend, a relative, stepped before me and said, "Take me," and it was granted.  I was released to live and that person was murdered.  How would that moment... that sacrifice change my every moment of living?  How would every thing from that moment on look with that sacrifice as the backdrop.  Ann's post left me wondering.

Gratitude does not even begin to seem like a big enough word that would bathe every moment of my life from that moment of pardon/freedom/salvation.  Every day I would be overcome with the presence of life and the beauty she shares.  I doubt I would not waste many moments.  I think I might feel there was purpose to my life now.  The sacrifice would probably replay before me many times... flooding me with gratitude over and over.

Yet, THIS is the VERY thing that Christ did for me. Sacrifice.  Taking my place, taking the death that I deserve. Why can that slip my mind as often as it does... that sacrifice He did for me?  The realness of it.  The personal-ness of it.  The rawness and desperate deep love of it.  How is it that every day I am not bathed in the gratitude that causes me to take every moment I am given for the gift it really, really is?  Why do I so let the enemy come in with lies and attacks and steal and rob from me the very life that Christ so sweetly gave me in those moments?  It breaks my heart.  Is it because I was not there to witness it with my eyes?  Does it seem that removed?  I was there... on his heart... on his lips as he spoke my name.  I was there with my sin and my selfishness.  I am here, now, because He was there then.  And I will be with Him forever in eternity because He was there... on that cross... in those moments of sacrifice... for me... instead of me.  For you.  For every man, woman and child.

My prayer today is that I/we can come to live a life that is saturated with the complete awareness of what Christ did for me/us, as if it were just as hour ago, and not thousands of years.  As if I were in parking lot about to meet my end and He stepped forward and took my place.  Oh the joy that should come from knowing that Jesus Christ came to earth to bring me life and salvation.  Oh the joy that should come with knowing He is with me now, every moment, interceding on my behalf, and living in me.  Gratitude is just not a big enough word.  But it is wonderful place to start.


I have been working on my gratitude list.  I let life distract me and can go many days without writing them down... even though I see them.  I must get back to it.  The writing of them, remembering them, counting them and embracing them as the sweet love notes from the LORD that they are... and be transformed by them.

* One single daisy reaching for the warmth of the sun
* Laughter from children playing with clothes
* Wind blowing our hair as storm approaches
* Lack of time schedule today
* Sleeping in
* Three little fish jumping with excitement for their food
* Long talks with my girl about the world and her open heart to receive truth
* Connecting with my husband
* A friend asking our family to help another family walk through a hard time with child's illness
* Extra vitamins to share with those in need
* Being touched by a stranger's wisdom
* Love notes from friends
* Peace with saying "no"
* Clean kitchen sinks :0)
* Children happy to do chores
*  Excitement for school to start
* Sincere and constant doggy love
* Baby birds on the bird feeder
* Chipmunk with STUFFED cheeks
* Tomatoes on the vine against all odds
* Fresh cut grass
* Unfolding of  peach roses
* Crickets, grasshoppers, and locusts starting their evening song of praise to the LORD
* Comfortable beds awaiting us for rest
* Frozen yogurt with several toppings
* Facebook note from "daughter" in Latvia... calling me MOM
* Sweet phone conversation with my dad


And I am sure I missed several!

Much love, Dawn~

Thankful

I first want to thank so many of you who reached out to me after my last post about my first "anything".  I am so humbled sometimes with how the LORD Himself reaches out to me through you.  From precious sisters at church to sweet friends on facebook, I received notes and personal confessions of... "that is so me," and "I could have signed my name to that post."  I am always encouraged to continue to share my heart here when I hear that.  So many of us mothers can struggle with letting our kids go and really trusting them to the LORD.  Whether it is our first born going off to college, our baby around the world on a missions trip, our daughter choosing the wrong friends, or health issues... remembering the LORD of the universe holds them and is in control is sometimes very hard to remember and even harder to find rest in.

I was also given sweet words of love and encouragement and I say "thank you."  The emotional roller coaster can really wear you out and love is one of the greatest forms of refreshing!

I ordered my book today... along with several others!  I can not wait for them to get here... but will have to! :0)  I am so encouraged by what the LORD has shown me in my effort to identify and lay down my first "anything".  It always inspires me and amazes me how when you really dig in, the LORD will reveal things to you.  You think I would not forget so often but sadly, the distraction of life, especially one running in fast forward all the time, will cause me to become distant and then suddenly I am dog paddling in a rolling sea of lies... and drowning.  That is where I have been... drowning.  As long as I keep struggling and trying to stay afloat and trying to decide where shore is and which one to swim towards, I am wearing myself OUT and the enemy pulls harder and harder to drag me under.  I have to STOP, look above, focus my eyes on Him, cry out to Him, and He reaches down and simply pulls me out.  He doesn't tell me which shore to swim to and then watch me struggle to get there.  He shows me truth that literally plucks me out of the abyss.  How thankful I am for a LIVING GOD that is so intimate with us!

The truth can be so simple yet so profound.  How can I so often miss it?  This past Sunday, I spent the entire day in bed.  We also worship on Saturday night and we did not get home from that worship until midnight.  Sunday, I just wanted to be still and quiet and soak in the LORD.  I spent the day resting in Him.  I read several books of the New Testament in two different versions.  I praised Him in song.  I journaled what He revealed to me and scriptures that really spoke to me.  I sat and listened.  I read a book a friend has loaned me that spoke to me greatly.  It was a time of refilling, refocusing, and refreshing.  I so needed it and was so blessed.

One of the simplest convictions came quickly and pricked me deeply.  I love how the Holy Spirit will do that.  I can say, "I am not trusting the Lord with Abby," and feel like... yeah... I should trust Him with her and am just having a hard time with it.  It doesn't seem "that" bad.  Kind of normal.  Understandable.  But when it is presented like what follows, it convicts and I am led to repent.

Saying I don't trust the LORD is calling Him a liar.  Ouch. Woe.  Wait.  That's not what I meant!

Really?  Anything that opposes the word of God, His promises, His truth, His words... is a lie.  Period.

When the LORD tells me He is in control, that He has our days planned, that He will meet our needs, that He is our healer, that He is our refuge, that He is our strength, that all things work together for good for those who love the LORD, not to worry, (I could go on and on) and I say I don't trust Him... I am saying I do not believe what He says and that He is a liar and His word is not truth.  Doesn't sound so innocent anymore.  Wow.  

I had to let that soak in a little bit.  Isn't it just like satan to make us think our sin, our opposition to the LORD, is not offensive.  That is almost... ok.  It took seeing my "mistrust" in the above light to really see how offensive it is to God and I was heartbroken. 

Then I was given an example.  The example of Job.  In the first few chapter of Job, we can see that Job's children are not living in a manner that is pleasing to the LORD.  They are partying fool biscuits... satisfying and being led by the lust of the flesh.  And what does Job do?  He worries about them.  He offers sacrifices for them and tries to make them right before God.  And he fears.  Fear opens the door to satan... opens it wide.  And Job's fears come true, he loses his children to satan.  WOW.  Job did not let his children go and he didn't trust them to the LORD.  HE held onto them and tried to be in control... he tried to become their god.  Is that what we do when we think we are in control of our children/try to control our children?  We think we are their god?  WOW.

I was so pierced.  I have been trying to be/become Abby's savior.  Without really realizing it, I was trying to become her god.  I was not releasing her fully to the living God.  I was looking/striving for answers.  I was trying to pray the right way... enough.  I was trying to change her.  I was trying to change the situation.  I was trying to grab control of something that seems SO out of control.  But it is NOT OUT OF CONTROL.  It is in God's control.  And suddenly, that precious, precious, precious peace that surpasses all understanding flooded me and I felt rest for the first time in a long long long time.  I sank into it.  And I smiled.  GOD is SO FAITHFUL and SO LOVING to want us to find HIM and experience HIM like this.  I felt as if an iron coat has been lifted off my shoulders and pulled from soul.  It was good.  The LORD is good. (I am not saying, in any way, not to care about what happens to your children, look for medical help, advice, answers or pray for them!  But it can not consume you, become your focus, idol, identity.  You can do those things while trusting the LORD with all of it.)

"Love her."  That is what I hear from the LORD when I ask what I can do for her.  Two words.  Two simple words that hold SO much. "Love her."  In my efforts to change her, rescue her, heal her, help her... I have not loved her the way I can/should/was created to do so.  You see, satan knew if he could keep me wrestling with all the above in my flesh, I would not be able to do what God had created me to do/wanted me to do/needed me to do... love her.  When you are frustrated, wrung out, exhausted, depressed, stressed out, and empty... you do not love very well.

How simple can it really get.  "Love her." Whether she is behaving like I would like her to behave, "Love her."  Whether she is responding like I want her to respond, "Love her."  Whether she is treating others like I want her to treat others, "Love her."  Whatever the circumstances "look like" with my physical eyes, "Love her."  Those two words... over and over.  "Love her."

And so that is what I am clinging to.  Those two words, along with His word.  And my faith in Him and His words.  And I will trust Him to do the rest.  Whatever that may be.  And I may slip back into that ocean of lies, but I hopefully will remember to lift my eyes up to Him much quicker than this last time.  And I will be strengthened with what He reveals to me in the process.

Thank you LORD.

* One of my most favorite ways the LORD speaks to me is to give me scripture.  It humbles me and builds me up and draws me so close when He is that intimate.  Last Saturday, I was on my bedroom floor in tears crying out to Him.  Begging for Him to speak to me, begging Him to let me feel His presence.  There are times when He feels so close and there are times when He seems so far away.  I find comfort in reading the Psalms to see that I am not the only one who experiences these feelings.  Even though I "feel" He is distant, His word tells me He is with me... always.  So I was begging Him to just show me that He was.  I so needed to see Him/feel Him/hear Him.  And He came... "Psalm 118:5,6"  When scriptures pop into my head from "nowhere"... I run to my Bible... knowing they are from the Holy Spirit.  Sometimes a 56 is 5,6 and sometimes 56.  In this case, the five six, was 5,6 as there is no 56 in Psalm 118.

"I called on the Lord in distress; The LORD answered me and set me in a broad place.  The LORD is on my side; I will not fear.  What can man do to me?" 

I was flooded with emotion.  I cried to see the LORD clearly acknowledged my distress and He clearly reminded me... "I am here.  I am on your side.  Do not fear."  I then soared in joy because He answered my begging to see Him/hear Him/feel Him.  My faith was so encouraged... He was there... right there... in that moment with me.  On the floor, with me.  I started praising Him and thanking Him and "Psalm 117" popped into my head.  So I looked it up.

"Praise the LORD, all you Gentiles! Laud Him all you peoples!  For His merciful kindness is great toward us, and the truth of the LORD endures forever.  Praise the LORD!"

I found it remarkable I had only gotten "Psalm 117" with no verses.  The entire chapter is 2 verses.  In the midst of my praising Him, He gave me this scripture on praising Him.  It was almost too much! (never enough!) After this precious, precious gift... I cranked the praise music and sang to Him with all my heart.  Worship that night was very intimate and blessed and all this is what prompted me to spend the day with Him Sunday.

Some may think I share "too much" or "intimate moments" that should be left private.  For those who think that, I am sorry.  But the reason I share is this: THIS kind of intimacy with the living God is what God wants with all His children and is available to all His children!  How can I contain that?  I can't.  My spirit leaps now as I write this as I know at least ONE will be encouraged to seek and find Him in this way!  So I share so that another woman, in her exhaustion and striving, can be encouraged to fall on her face before Him and ask to see Him/hear Him/feel Him and that she will be encouraged to wait... be still and know that He is God.  Because He will come!  He is there!  And I will shout that from the roof tops! (or this blog!)

We are starting a new medication with Abby.  And I have such peace.  Whatever happens, there is this peace.  That is a gift.  That is a promise.  That is a blessing.  That is the Holy Spirit alive inside me and doing "His thing".  Oh how so very thankful I am for that!

Oh my prayer is that you are encouraged!  And that you are maybe led to start identifying your "anythings" and lay them down!  There is freedom in the word of God.  We just have to remain in it and focused on it.

Much love...
Dawn