Compelled... 2 Corinthians 5:14
"For Christ's love compels us, because we are convinced that one died for all, and therefore all died. And he died for all, that those who live should no longer live for themselves but for him who died for them and was raised again. So from now on we regard no one from a worldy point of view. Though we once regarded Christ this way, we do so no longer. Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come! All this is from God who reconciled us to Himself through Christ and gave us the ministry of reconciliation: that God was reconciling the world to Himself in Christ, not counting men's sins against them. And He has committed to us the message of reconciliation. We are therefore Christ's ambassadors, as though God were making His appeal through us." 2 Corninthians 5:14-20
There is this yearning inside me to live more and more for Jesus and less and less for myself. What does this look like in my marriage? What does this look like in my parenting? What does this look like in our family? What does this look like in my daily choices and the way I spend my time?
As God continues to so sweetly reveal His love to me through Jesus over and over and over... I am compelled to change more and more. What does this look like in my interaction and responses to people around me? What does this look like in my family? What does this look like in my marriage? What does this look like in my daily choices?
As God reveals Himself to me, I see more in me that I want changed? How do I lay it all down? How do I surrender enough to allow God to make the changes? How do I handle it when I fall into sin again?
As God reveals Himself and His word to me, I want more and more and more of Him. How do I find time and ways to stay saturated with Him and balance daily life? What does this look like in my home? What does this look like every day?
I want everything I do and say to be compelled by Christ's love. And it is not. It is often compelled by exhaustion, frustration, disappointment, fear and anger. I HATE that.
God is stirring in me again. I love it when He does this. I know He is there and I know He is working... and I have to wait. Oh how I do not want to get anxious and mess anything up. So I wait. Oh how I want it to be all from Him and none from me. So I wait.
God stirred my heart for Vladamirs. I had several reasons why we should not host again this summer? I had a list.
1.) I want to just "be" this summer. We have hosted and adopted like crazy the past couple years. Are you living your life for you or are you living your life for me?
2.) We really don't have the space. Really? How much space do you need for one of my children?
3.) I am going to Africa. Yes, you are. And why does that get in the way of giving another child a chance to know my love and to see me be His God?
4.) I don't want to get hurt? I don't want to hurt him. I don't want to bring him here and not have a family step up to adopt him. I don't want to send him back without that hope. I can't. "I, I, I." I heard a lot of "I". Where am "I... the Alpha and Omega" in your "I"? Hear me, obey me and trust me. I am God and I am in control.
5.) I don't want to mess with paperwork again. You are going to let a child's life be determined by some papers? I know you better than that.
6.) I can't take on another child... there is not enough of me. But there is enough of me, and I am in you, and I am all you need. Rely on me... it's all from me.
Then I went to the I AM FREE conference last week in Atlanta. It was a Children's Hope Chest (http://www.hopechest.org/) event and Tom Davis, the founder, said something that I can't let go; "We live like we are on vacation when we should be living like we are at war... because we are at war." Those words echo in my heart over and over and over... "We live like we are on vacation..." How does that apply to me. "We should be living like we are at war..." What does that look like?
Then the Lord told me two things. "You are a voice. There is always one more."
And so in obedience I accepted the call He placed on my heart. It was on Don's heart too. God used my husband to confirm His call and whispers to me. Oh how I love that!
So I am praying and waiting in anticipation to see what God is going to do. For I know it will be good.
And I wait as He stirs change in me. And I wait. For I know it will be good.