"Chick Flick" Therapy

I wish I could be all “holy” and say the first thing I did on my little retreat was hit my knees and jump into prayer, but I can’t.  My first desire was to snuggle down to a good chick flick.  I knew I needed what I sometimes refer to as “brain candy”.  I needed to decompress and just have some moments of little thought sprinkled with laughter.  So I sat down with my catfish comfort food and popped in 

 “Two Weeks Notice” with Sandra Bullock and Hugh Grant.

It didn’t take long before I realized something that I had not really noticed before.  Lucy (Bullock) was me to the next degree.  In the opening scenes of the movie, she is lying on a yoga mat in protest of a historical building being torn down by a progress pushing - money hungry - powerful company.  I smiled inside.  “She is me,” I thought.  She is what I so want to be in so many ways… she does what I think about doing in my head.  I like her.  No wonder I love that movie.

Well there went my hope of thoughtlessly watching a movie!  Everything she continued to do went right along with things I WANT to do and I just continued to laugh at the whole thought of it.

There was a large plot of land for sale right outside our neighborhood.  It was for sale for a long time.  It was wooded and bordered a hidden little nature area that many people in our city don’t even know about.  It was the home to many deer who often stepped outside the wooded area to eat and lay in the sun.  And every time I saw that for sale sign and the word “Commercial” written on it, I would just fill with anger.  I wanted to stand on that property with a sign and declare that we did not need another nail salon, another frozen yogurt attempt, another restaurant, or even worse…  another strip mall that sits ¾ empty for years!

I often had thoughts of going out at night and tearing the sign down… or spray painting on it, “Let the deer live here and GO AWAY!”  Thoughts of getting caught and nasty mug shots on facebook kept me away from that one!  Or gathering like-minded friends and protesting with big signs. We could make our pleas on sheets and hold them up during rush out traffic.  How fun would that be? But that is where it stayed.  In my head.  Lucy would have done those things… all of them.  Hmmmmm.  Again… I like her.

And then, not too long ago, we saw trees being torn down by bulldozers.  My heart sank and I was yet again filled with anger and disgust.  And then we were told what was going to be built there… a gas station.  Mercy.  Really?  A gas station!  I went postal inside.  I imagined all the birds and squirrels and chipmunks and deer whose homes were being thoughtlessly destroyed and just wanted to go right up to those machines and kick them!  I know.  That would have sent them running!  “Halt this needless, wasteful, and destructive operation,” would have just rolled off the contractor’s tongue for sure after such an act of protest!

Later in the movie, Lucy went on to show me up even more when she confronts Grant’s character outside his work place.  She confronts him about his plans to tear down the community center and tries to make a deal with him to save it.  He asks her to get in the car and asks to hire her!  I laughed again.  How many times have I thought about stalking Gary Kelly (CEO of Southwest Airlines) and confronting him about the way he/his company is treating the AirTran pilots in this merger.  I have visualized myself walking up to him in an airport somewhere and presenting my thoughts in the most loving manner possible... with homemade cookies, even!  Lucy would do that. Yep.  She would.  And then he would probably hire her and “One Love” (Southwest’s merger campaign slogan) would finally become a reality.  And that corner of the world would be a better place where everyone received a free pair of rose colored glasses and lived happily ever after! 

But I soon realized something else.  God was not mentioned.  Prayer was never offered.  His will never consulted.  And there was my revelation… Lucy relies on herself.  There is one part in the movie where she doesn’t want to try anymore.  And yet again, Lucy and I are alike.  That was the very reason I was sitting there, in that moment, on that sofa, alone on my little retreat… because I didn’t want to try anymore.  I was feeling defeated… just like her.  I was eating catfish and she was ordering a crazy amount of Chinese food!   

Parenting… marriage... balancing attempts… trying & failing… seeking… battling the enemy… it had all pushed me to throw my hands up in defeat.   I was tired.  I was not “seeing” progress… I was not “seeing” fruit from my labor… and yet that was it… “my”.  I was relying way too much on “myself”.

I looked through a notebook I have of notes…  notes on all kinds of things.  And I found a statement from  a book, “Marriage, The Journey.”  I must have checked it out from the library.  But the statement had stars all around it and so it caught my attention.  “If you are disappointed in yourself, then you must have been believing in yourself.” 

There it was… the basis of my wanting to give up… the foundation of my depletion… the root of my problem.  My eyes were on myself instead of on the One who can deliver me from all snares, fill with me His strength, whisper to me His wisdom, guide me with His hand, shelter me from the arrows of the enemy, and clothe me in armor and righteousness.

As the movie ended, I smiled again.  I love the ending.  She gets the guy, the guy gets free of his bondage, the community center gets saved, and she gets to order Chinese food for two.  

I love Lucy.  I love her passion for all things right.  I love her passion for taking a stand or lying on a mat!  I love her desire to help the underdog and protest against the often destructive greedy machine of progress.  And I love that she ever so sweetly represents my greatest need… my need for Him.  My need for the Lord.  She represents my passion and longing for all things right... and my need for the ONE who can make it all right... I CAN NOT.

As I thought about the above quote, it made me think of the story of Peter walking on the water towards Jesus in Matthew 14.  As Jesus comes to them in the midst of a storm, Peter doubts who He is.  He asks Jesus that if it is indeed Him, for Jesus to command him to come.  Jesus responds with, “Come.”  Peter starts walking towards Him… on the water.  And then, Peter seems to take notice of what is going on around him… a storm.  The scripture in verse 30 says, “But when he saw that the wind was boisterous, he was afraid; and beginning to sink he cried out saying ‘Lord save me!’”

The wind’s power, fear, and lack of trust are what caused Peter to doubt the Lord again.  Peter is walking on water.  That seems like a pretty powerful thing… something that would build my faith! (or would it?)  And yet the power of circumstances around him proves more powerful… causes him to doubt Jesus again in the midst of something amazing… in the midst of a miracle.

I am not just like Lucy… I am also like Peter.  I am smacked, again, with this scripture. 

And Jesus responds by “immediately” stretching out His hand and catching Peter.   But Jesus follows with a rebuke.  “Oh you of little faith, why did you doubt?” (31)

That rebuke rang loud in my ears and pierced my heart.  Those words for Peter are words for me. 

Oh me of little faith, why do I doubt?  Again. And again?

And that sent me into a word study the next day for hours on “faith”.  As God revealed His word and as I sought Him, He answered and refilled and restored and renewed.  My faith has been being attacked.  My faith has been being tested.  My faith has been being stretched.  My faith will be increased!

I look forward to sharing some little sweet nuggets on faith with you soon.

Are you doubting God?  Are you doubting His word… His presence… His promises…  His power?

We are all like Peter sometimes.  We are all human and we still battle the flesh… the flesh that tells us, moves us, and tempts us to act and move in our own power… in our own strength… in our own way.

And yet Jesus is the way... the only way… and His way is best.

If we could only remember that and walk in that truth daily. If we could only get our eyes off ourselves and onto and stayed on Him!  Let’s try.  Together.  

I think it leads to abiding.  And I know it leads to intimacy with Him and transformation.  There really is nothing better than that.

I encourage you to claim at least two promises that will help you remember to trust in the Lord, to lean on Him, to wait for Him, and rely on Him.  Write them down and put them in your car, on your fridge and on your bathroom mirror.  Let them become the words that echo in your mind, heart, and soul.  You will be amazed and encouraged by the peace and joy that comes from His word covering you and your day.

If you aren’t sure where to go in His word to look for promises… the book of Psalm is a great starting place.  The book of Romans is another treasure box!

“Trust in the LORD with ALL your heart and lean not on your own understanding; In ALL your ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct your paths.” Proverbs 3:5,6~

“As for me, I will call upon God, and the LORD shall save me.  Evening and morning and at noon I will pray, and cry aloud, and He shall hear my voice.  He has redeemed my soul in peace from the battle that was against me.”  Psalm 55: 16-18~

Have a beautiful day!

Love, Dawn~ 

For more stories on finding grace in life/motherhood... 

"The (Catfish) Shack..."

I slipped away on Tuesday.  I realized... and it was confirmed several times... I was depleted and needed to be ALONE… to release, rest, and refill.  Well, I say, “alone” but I was with the Lord and… with my beloved bundle of fluffy goodness… my dog... Dusty.   As I write this, he continues to bring me his ball and lay it at my feet!  Such a love.

As I drove into the town of my little retreat and was thinking about my time here, I noticed my husband’s truck was almost on empty.  I already knew what I wanted for dinner.  Catfish.  There is this little place, actually, it is a gas station with a restaurant inside, and it has wonderful catfish served with the perfect fries, cole slaw, and a corn muffin!  I love to tell people my favorite place to eat in this town is the gas station!  So I was trying to decide whether or not to go to the house first and then back out to the gas station or go on to the gas station first and fill the truck up and get my catfish.  It is funny how often these little moments of decisions have such an impact on life moments… God moments.

It was later in the afternoon so I decided to go on to the gas station.  It was a GREAT decision.  I decided that once I got the house, I wanted to hole up and not come out again until time to leave!

I was standing at the gas pump when this older man came out of the station.  “That’s a good looking pooch you got there in that truck,” he said to me.  In a split second, I had to gauge how I was going to respond.  Do you know that second of thought... where you are trying to decide?  Is this a friendly man?  Is he trying to start conversation?  Is he a weirdo?  Should I just smile, say thanks and turn away?  I mean, let’s be honest.  As a woman, at a gas station, if a man tries to start conversation with me… those questions rush through my mind.  So I decided he was old, looked friendly, liked my dog, and I would engage.  So I stepped around the pump to see him better and replied, “Yes sir... he sure is... thank you.”

“Did you see my little fella in my truck,” he asked.  I stepped around even further and sure enough, there was the CUTEST puppy in his truck, standing up on the back of the seat, looking out at his Pa.  It was a Schnauzer baby... much like this one.  Of course, I ooohed and aaahed like the crazy dog lover I am and our conversation… and God’s appointment for me… unfolded.

He wore clothes that were far less than new-looking.   He had on work gloves that he had cut the fingers off of and his fingers looked well worn.  And his smile… his smile was so sweet and genuine and kind… I wanted to hug him.

He went on to tell me he had been a dog trainer for over 40 years and that he was always amazed at how smart they were… how much they could learn.  He told me about a 14 year old Jack Russell he had to put to sleep last year.  With tears ever so slightly glimmering in his eyes, he said, “I have lived a long life, I spent years in Vietnam, was shot at, poisoned… and worse… and I just kinda shook it off.  But my girl got brain cancer and I had to put her down.   I am not ashamed to tell ya… and if anyone wants to say anything about it… let em… but I sobbed.  I mean…  I didn’t just boo hoo, I sobbed… every day… until there was just nothing left.  I just cried it all out.”

He’d been looking off into the horizon when he told me most of it, and then he turned and looked me deep in the eyes… with the tears still glimmering.  I reached out and took his arm and told him I knew that pain all too well and I shared my story of having to put down my sweet Schnauzer... little Lodie.

He then told me how his Jack Russell had saved his life.  She’d stumbled across a copperhead snake just in front of him and she pounced on it.  He said she got it right behind the head, shook it like crazy and it tore all apart.  “It’s guts went a-flyin everywhere,” were his exact words.  The thing he was most amazed about was the fact that even after she’d killed it, she would not let him get close to the dead body.  He said every time he tried to reach down to pick it up, she’d grab it and take it to the other end of the yard.  She still wanted to protect him.  And he just smiled and shook his head at the remembering of it.

“Isn’t it amazing how God puts that kind of knowledge and love and wisdom into an animal,” I offered.  “Yes.  Yes, it is,” he replied and went on to tell me about how God had used the donkey to speak to a man in the Bible who didn’t want to listen to Him!  Neither one of us could remember the poor fellow's name.  But we laughed together and agreed that we both thought if an animal spoke to us, we’d pretty much listen to it too!

There we stood.  Outside.  In the cold.  At a gas station.  In this sweet little moment.  Two strangers.  Yet so alike in this love of our dogs.  And there our dogs sat, in our trucks, watching us.

And then he said it, as he turned to walk back to his truck.  “Ma'am, if you are a praying lady, maybe you could remember this ole man in your prayers.”

Something shifted.  “What is your name?” I asked.  “Bill,” he answered.  “So nice to meet you, Bill,” and we shook hands.  “My name is Dawn and it just so happens I have come to town to be alone with God for a few days.  And I am a prayin' woman and I will pray for you, Bill,” I replied.  A big smile came across his face and he gave me a sweet southern gentleman’s, “Well, thank ya.” And then he turned to walk to his truck.

I told him I needed to go in and order some catfish for my dinner and he snapped his fingers and shook his head and said he’d ordered some and was about to go off and forget it.  He went to move his truck from the pump and I went inside… running over with thankfulness for such a sweet moment with such a sweet man.

I went to the ladies room first to pee ALONE! (If you read one of my last posts you’ll know that is a TREAT!)  When I came out, I picked up my to-go order and started to walk out.  Bill was standing there and said, “Hey, you said you came here to be with the Lord…”  I nodded yes with a smile and he continued, “I want to leave you with this… that’s good company.  It is the best company.  The company of the Lord.”

“Yes it is,” I agreed.  “And I have not had enough of it lately,” I added.  “He also says what you ask of Him, to ask with faith… believing.  Not like some of these people who don’t really believe.  You got to really believe,” he added. 

Yes.  He was so right.  And this stranger just spoke the very words I needed to hear.  

I had just spoken days earlier, that I wanted to quit.  To stop believing.  That believing was too hard when the answers just didn't come.  It was too hard when the silence from above weighed me down.  It was just too hard when my daughter jerked and moaned in a horrible seizure... again and again and again.  It was just too hard when I prayed and prayed and prayed and... "nothing".  I continue to fail.  Fail at displaying fruit of the Spirit.  Fail at being the mom He wants to me to be.  Fail at being the wife He wants me to be.  Fail at making Him a priority.  Fail in trusting.  Fail in praising.  Fail in abiding.  Fail at this... this life... this one life.  It was just too hard.

And THAT was why I slipped away.  I knew if I wanted to quit, the enemy was at my jugular and I had to get into the throne room of God.  I had to find quiet.  I had to find Him.  I had to hear Him.  I had to drink from His fountain.

I was smacked.  

I could just not stop looking at him with thankfulness.  The Lord had just used this sweet vessel to speak to my heart… in a time of great need of being reminded that He means what He says and I HAVE to believe… I HAVE TO BELIEVE no matter what is going on around me.  No matter what I SEE… No matter what it looks like...  no matter what I feel... NO MATTER WHAT!

He smiled and moved forward to get his food.  “Have a great night, Bill,” I replied.  “You have a good stay Dawn," he answered with that smile.

And I walked out.

I was so struck with the whole thing as I drove away. 

I could have missed it.

Had I gone to the house first… to turn on the water, and the heat, to pee, and to get settled in… I would have missed it.  I would have missed him.  I would have missed Him.  And how sad would have that been?

Moments of decision.  When I was trying to decide what to do on the way into town… my heart told me to go to the gas station.  The Holy Spirit whispering.  And I am so glad I listened and obeyed.

As I write this, I am sad I didn’t hug him.  I don’t think I did.  Did I at the end?  I can’t remember clearly.  But I think I did not.  And I think I should have.  

So I close my eyes, and I hug sweet Bill, with his sweet puppy, and his precious heart… and the encouragement of the LORD he blessed me with.  How I hope I run into him again at that little catfish place in the gas station of this little tiny town of my retreat.  And I praise my God for being so living and so active and so, so sweet… He amazes me with HIMSELF so very often.

Who might God send to speak to you?  Have you ever met a "Bill"?  Let's pray to always be open to hear and see that appointment... and to let His love unfold!  I don't want to miss a single one.

Be blessed this weekend.

Much love, Dawn~

Post Edit:  Would you like to meet some other amazing women who seek God and grace in the everyday?

Go HERE... and be blessed!