"The (Catfish) Shack..."

I slipped away on Tuesday.  I realized... and it was confirmed several times... I was depleted and needed to be ALONE… to release, rest, and refill.  Well, I say, “alone” but I was with the Lord and… with my beloved bundle of fluffy goodness… my dog... Dusty.   As I write this, he continues to bring me his ball and lay it at my feet!  Such a love.

As I drove into the town of my little retreat and was thinking about my time here, I noticed my husband’s truck was almost on empty.  I already knew what I wanted for dinner.  Catfish.  There is this little place, actually, it is a gas station with a restaurant inside, and it has wonderful catfish served with the perfect fries, cole slaw, and a corn muffin!  I love to tell people my favorite place to eat in this town is the gas station!  So I was trying to decide whether or not to go to the house first and then back out to the gas station or go on to the gas station first and fill the truck up and get my catfish.  It is funny how often these little moments of decisions have such an impact on life moments… God moments.

It was later in the afternoon so I decided to go on to the gas station.  It was a GREAT decision.  I decided that once I got the house, I wanted to hole up and not come out again until time to leave!

I was standing at the gas pump when this older man came out of the station.  “That’s a good looking pooch you got there in that truck,” he said to me.  In a split second, I had to gauge how I was going to respond.  Do you know that second of thought... where you are trying to decide?  Is this a friendly man?  Is he trying to start conversation?  Is he a weirdo?  Should I just smile, say thanks and turn away?  I mean, let’s be honest.  As a woman, at a gas station, if a man tries to start conversation with me… those questions rush through my mind.  So I decided he was old, looked friendly, liked my dog, and I would engage.  So I stepped around the pump to see him better and replied, “Yes sir... he sure is... thank you.”

“Did you see my little fella in my truck,” he asked.  I stepped around even further and sure enough, there was the CUTEST puppy in his truck, standing up on the back of the seat, looking out at his Pa.  It was a Schnauzer baby... much like this one.  Of course, I ooohed and aaahed like the crazy dog lover I am and our conversation… and God’s appointment for me… unfolded.

He wore clothes that were far less than new-looking.   He had on work gloves that he had cut the fingers off of and his fingers looked well worn.  And his smile… his smile was so sweet and genuine and kind… I wanted to hug him.

He went on to tell me he had been a dog trainer for over 40 years and that he was always amazed at how smart they were… how much they could learn.  He told me about a 14 year old Jack Russell he had to put to sleep last year.  With tears ever so slightly glimmering in his eyes, he said, “I have lived a long life, I spent years in Vietnam, was shot at, poisoned… and worse… and I just kinda shook it off.  But my girl got brain cancer and I had to put her down.   I am not ashamed to tell ya… and if anyone wants to say anything about it… let em… but I sobbed.  I mean…  I didn’t just boo hoo, I sobbed… every day… until there was just nothing left.  I just cried it all out.”

He’d been looking off into the horizon when he told me most of it, and then he turned and looked me deep in the eyes… with the tears still glimmering.  I reached out and took his arm and told him I knew that pain all too well and I shared my story of having to put down my sweet Schnauzer... little Lodie.

He then told me how his Jack Russell had saved his life.  She’d stumbled across a copperhead snake just in front of him and she pounced on it.  He said she got it right behind the head, shook it like crazy and it tore all apart.  “It’s guts went a-flyin everywhere,” were his exact words.  The thing he was most amazed about was the fact that even after she’d killed it, she would not let him get close to the dead body.  He said every time he tried to reach down to pick it up, she’d grab it and take it to the other end of the yard.  She still wanted to protect him.  And he just smiled and shook his head at the remembering of it.

“Isn’t it amazing how God puts that kind of knowledge and love and wisdom into an animal,” I offered.  “Yes.  Yes, it is,” he replied and went on to tell me about how God had used the donkey to speak to a man in the Bible who didn’t want to listen to Him!  Neither one of us could remember the poor fellow's name.  But we laughed together and agreed that we both thought if an animal spoke to us, we’d pretty much listen to it too!

There we stood.  Outside.  In the cold.  At a gas station.  In this sweet little moment.  Two strangers.  Yet so alike in this love of our dogs.  And there our dogs sat, in our trucks, watching us.

And then he said it, as he turned to walk back to his truck.  “Ma'am, if you are a praying lady, maybe you could remember this ole man in your prayers.”

Something shifted.  “What is your name?” I asked.  “Bill,” he answered.  “So nice to meet you, Bill,” and we shook hands.  “My name is Dawn and it just so happens I have come to town to be alone with God for a few days.  And I am a prayin' woman and I will pray for you, Bill,” I replied.  A big smile came across his face and he gave me a sweet southern gentleman’s, “Well, thank ya.” And then he turned to walk to his truck.

I told him I needed to go in and order some catfish for my dinner and he snapped his fingers and shook his head and said he’d ordered some and was about to go off and forget it.  He went to move his truck from the pump and I went inside… running over with thankfulness for such a sweet moment with such a sweet man.

I went to the ladies room first to pee ALONE! (If you read one of my last posts you’ll know that is a TREAT!)  When I came out, I picked up my to-go order and started to walk out.  Bill was standing there and said, “Hey, you said you came here to be with the Lord…”  I nodded yes with a smile and he continued, “I want to leave you with this… that’s good company.  It is the best company.  The company of the Lord.”

“Yes it is,” I agreed.  “And I have not had enough of it lately,” I added.  “He also says what you ask of Him, to ask with faith… believing.  Not like some of these people who don’t really believe.  You got to really believe,” he added. 

Yes.  He was so right.  And this stranger just spoke the very words I needed to hear.  

I had just spoken days earlier, that I wanted to quit.  To stop believing.  That believing was too hard when the answers just didn't come.  It was too hard when the silence from above weighed me down.  It was just too hard when my daughter jerked and moaned in a horrible seizure... again and again and again.  It was just too hard when I prayed and prayed and prayed and... "nothing".  I continue to fail.  Fail at displaying fruit of the Spirit.  Fail at being the mom He wants to me to be.  Fail at being the wife He wants me to be.  Fail at making Him a priority.  Fail in trusting.  Fail in praising.  Fail in abiding.  Fail at this... this life... this one life.  It was just too hard.

And THAT was why I slipped away.  I knew if I wanted to quit, the enemy was at my jugular and I had to get into the throne room of God.  I had to find quiet.  I had to find Him.  I had to hear Him.  I had to drink from His fountain.

I was smacked.  

I could just not stop looking at him with thankfulness.  The Lord had just used this sweet vessel to speak to my heart… in a time of great need of being reminded that He means what He says and I HAVE to believe… I HAVE TO BELIEVE no matter what is going on around me.  No matter what I SEE… No matter what it looks like...  no matter what I feel... NO MATTER WHAT!

He smiled and moved forward to get his food.  “Have a great night, Bill,” I replied.  “You have a good stay Dawn," he answered with that smile.

And I walked out.

I was so struck with the whole thing as I drove away. 

I could have missed it.

Had I gone to the house first… to turn on the water, and the heat, to pee, and to get settled in… I would have missed it.  I would have missed him.  I would have missed Him.  And how sad would have that been?

Moments of decision.  When I was trying to decide what to do on the way into town… my heart told me to go to the gas station.  The Holy Spirit whispering.  And I am so glad I listened and obeyed.

As I write this, I am sad I didn’t hug him.  I don’t think I did.  Did I at the end?  I can’t remember clearly.  But I think I did not.  And I think I should have.  

So I close my eyes, and I hug sweet Bill, with his sweet puppy, and his precious heart… and the encouragement of the LORD he blessed me with.  How I hope I run into him again at that little catfish place in the gas station of this little tiny town of my retreat.  And I praise my God for being so living and so active and so, so sweet… He amazes me with HIMSELF so very often.

Who might God send to speak to you?  Have you ever met a "Bill"?  Let's pray to always be open to hear and see that appointment... and to let His love unfold!  I don't want to miss a single one.

Be blessed this weekend.

Much love, Dawn~

Post Edit:  Would you like to meet some other amazing women who seek God and grace in the everyday?

Go HERE... and be blessed!

Abide vs Arrive

My faith is built every time the Lord walks me through dark times.  It is something that deepens my relationship with Him every time it happens.  How I wish it were enough to keep me from falling into a "hole" again.  But the enemy is relentless... his attacks are relentless.  The closer we get to the Lord, the more intense the battle can become... the battle for our heart... for our joy... for our family... for our relationships... for our intimacy... for our testimony.

This last "roll in the mud" hit me pretty hard.  The very thing I kept holding onto was the fact that when things get THAT bad... I KNOW the Lord has something wonderful for me around the corner the enemy wants me to miss.  

I know if the battle is raging that wildly... it is for a reason.

God shines brightest against the backdrop of darkness.  The darkness can look to be all consuming and yet it is the beams of light that leave us smacked with His glory.  I love this picture I took at the lake this past summer.  The darkness rolled in as we headed home that night.  Then we turned the corner and there it was... and it stopped us in our tracks.  We had to stop.  We had to inhale it... take it in... capture it.  His light... breaking through... leaving us in awe.  Suddenly the darkness seemed to almost compliment the light... intensify it!  HA HA.  That makes me laugh out loud!!  How often do we see the attempts of evil turned into some of the most amazing and powerful displays of God's power, love, mercy, faithfulness, sovereignty, and grace?  We see it with Israel, we see it with Joseph, we see it with Daniel, we see it with Paul, and we see it in it's finest display of majesty with the death and resurrection of Jesus Christ!

God brought numerous people into my life last week who reached out at the most perfect times and in the most perfect ways to love me, speak truth to me, pray with me, and minister to me.  It blows me away.  Really.  The intimacy of it all.  The perfectness of it all.

The grand finale was displayed last Friday.  A friend whom I had not even met yet asked me to come.  She has a ministry of prayer and massage.  After taking two falls within four days of each other, my physical body was manifesting the intense consuming pain of my spiritual body.

This sister in Christ met me in her driveway... waiting for me like a family member I had not seen in years.  She embraced me with such love and joy... such love and joy.  She intercedes for people in prayer.  She has been praying for me even though we had never seen each other in person.

After talking and sharing for an hour, she asked to pray for me.  Even though we had been praying on and off during that hour, I knew this prayer would be something different.  She got on her knees at my feet.  She rubbed with them oil and she began to pray.  Then she began to cry.  Then she began to wail.

I could feel it rising from the depths inside my spirit.  And I prayed God would allow me to surrender.  And then I heard it.  It came... flooding me... washing me... healing me... words... His words.

"I am on my knees before you.  I am ministering to you.  I am serving you.  I am loving you.  I am crying your cries.  These are my cries for you.  I am the Spirit and I am interceding for you.  This is what I do.  I am here to comfort you.  Give your cries to me and I will take them to the throne on your behalf.  Give them to me... all of them.  And then you are free... free to have my peace.  You don't have to carry this inside.  The battle is mine.  I will fight it for you.  You abide here with me and let me do what I am here to do.  I am here for you." 

I shook as those words washed through me like a cleansing river.  I started crying at the reality of it... the moment.  And as I gave my battle to Him, I was flooded with peace that left me laughing with joy from heaven.  And I heard His words again...  

"This is what my love feels like.  You are in my love."  

And I sobbed.

One of the things I had shared with my friend was my deepest pain... I did not "feel" God's love.  I believed He loved me.  I KNEW He loved me.  I could see evidence of that love all over my life.  But I didn't feel it and I so longed to feel it.

As I sat there in the midst of that love, feeling it in every part of my being, I laid it all down and bathed in His presence.  The Holy Spirit bathed me in His presence to overflowing and I was refilled and renewed.

And when I arrived home after this encounter... flowers were on my front porch from another friend... providing that extra little kiss from the Lord.  Amazed.  Thankful.

I am still smacked.  And I have come to know one thing for sure.  I will never arrive.  I will never have it all cleared out.  I will never have the "perfect house" with "perfect walls".  I will never be spotless.

But I have been given the GIFT of being able to ABIDE.  Because of Christ, I am spotless to the Father.  As I wear the robe of righteousness given to me through my faith in Jesus Christ, I am seen spotless and I get the holy intimate invitation to ABIDE.  As I abide, the Spirit will walk me through the rest.  It is a journey.  It is a refining.  It is a transformation that is in process until I meet Him face to face.  And as long as I ABIDE, the dust and drips of glue will not unhinge me.  It all brings me closer to HIM.  The process.  This One Beautiful Life.

For other inspiring stories of grace... click on the Grace Laced Link... and be blessed.