Trying too hard
Wow. It sometimes seems so simple. And then I wonder how in the world I could have missed it. And then, there it is again... a reminder... that I am trying too hard... to do too many things... to be too many things.
And today, as I looked at one of my favorite blogs, resolved2worship, I realized that I am simply trying too hard.
Yesterday, I got to meet the precious and God loving Beth Moore at our local book store. She was there signing her latest book, So Long Insecurity, (that totally speaks to me right now!) and I happened to hear about it that morning on the radio station. So of course I had to go, it's 3 minutes from my house! Abby had a friend over for a sleep over and Fly Boy was out flying and so I took all three little ones with me! Marc was in the stroller to be contained and the girls were armed with books to help occupy the hour I waited in line (they did SOOOO good).
As I finally got to her, she had already seen a bizillion women. She had already signed their books and "chatted" with them. Yet, when I walked up, she looked me straight in the eye and gave me the biggest Beth smile possible and in her sweet voice she said, "It is such a priviledge to meet you." Then she stood up enough to give me a hug as if she was my long lost friend. I was so moved by it, I could hardly speak. And she hugged me for a good 10 seconds.
I told her how much I appreciated her passion for God and for women and told her that I had a group doing the "Daniel" study now. I told her it had changed my life, burning the phrase "friendly captivity" into my brain and upon my heart. She noticed the kids and was delighted I had brought them. Then she said to me, again, looking right into my eyes with her little hand in my face, and said, "There is no greater job than what you are doing right there." I made a joke about how she has often helped me with what I was doing right there and then a sweet woman behind me gave me my cell phone back (she had taken a picture of us on it for me). I looked down to see she had taken a picture of our hug but all you could see was my newly -increased in size- behind! We all died laughing as I thanked her for such an intimate picture and Beth was so gracious to take another picture with me that I have GOT to figure out how to get off my phone! And yes, I have a hat on since it was raining like crazy... makes getting in and out of the rain 20 times a day with kids easier... there is no extra hand for the umbrella anymore!
So then today, as I looked at Ann over at her "resolved" blog (another woman I just adore) Beth's words rang out in my head again. And it hit me, the reality, the simple reality that I am trying too hard to do too much. I am missing so much with my children because I am trying to do so many other things. And they are good things. But I have to slow down and enjoy each day more. Like sitting at the table and coloring with Abby today... guiding her to color each item completely and with a different color.
Her picture is now on the fridge and it is the best picture she has ever colored... and she likes it. Like sitting in the floor and showing Marc where the puzzle pieces go on his puzzle board... and rocking him for 5 more minutes. Like laying beside Abby to nap after tucking her in.
I have realized today that the mission field can wait right now. So can the free yard sale for needy families that I want to organize. And so can leading another bible study when the one I am doing is over. And so can decorating for other people. And so can starting another business. And so can...
I am releasing myself of a list of "ought to's" and focusing on what is right here... right now. I have three children... two at home... and one that needs to feel like she's home... one I've got to get home.
I feel better already! Have a blessed Sunday tomorrow!