One Beautiful Life

Diving into Self-Grace

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As tears stream down our faces, I am reminded how much we need these moments of prayer, this lifestyle of prayer, and each other.  Women gather in my living room, all in the middle of our own battle, that rages against our very hearts.  Sometimes we fall.  Sometimes we retreat.  Sometimes we get glimpse of victory.  But we all hold this in common… we are worn down, chipped away at the core, and depleted.  Sometimes there are no words.  Sometimes there are many.  Sometimes the words are effective.  Sometimes the words cause their own wounds on the very hearts we are fighting to protect.

Gathered on sofas, we cry a sweet release that leaves room for the creator, the comforter, the Father to come in and refill and refresh.  Refilling and refreshing that freely flows from the living waters of His word are really why we are here… searching… seeking… saving.

Forgiveness.

Something comes to life in our thoughts when we hear that word.  What is it?  Do you see it?  Have you found it… that “thing” that wants to stay buried, hidden, disguised, unseen, unresolved and holding onto you?  The truth is, even when we try to ignore it, make it into less than it is, or even deny it… it’s eating away at us.  It is affecting our marriages, our friendships, our health, our thoughts, and our heart. It’s affecting our relationships with the One who loves us deeply on a scale we have yet to fully comprehend.

Is there something even deeper?  A place where we can start?  Can we go there?  Can we swim through the pain and the lies and land there… for a moment, for today?

I read it yesterday… words that sunk deep and took my breath as if they were written just for me.  And they were… written for me.  That is how much my Father loves me.  He uses another to share and speak straight into my spirit and I am smacked by His intimate presence through words spoken from afar.

“You don’t need more self-confidence.  You need more self-grace.” A. V.~ A Holy Experience

“You need more self-grace.”  Words written for me.  Words of truth and love and grace.

In a life filled with moments I like to call “pop quizzes,”  I can blow it and find myself reeling in a tail spin of guilt, lies, shame, broken heartedness and hopelessness.  I can be walking closely alongside pride and think I am doing all right and be smacked with a pop quiz. I can find myself face down in a pile of thick sticky mud.  And I have to make a decision.  Am I going to harbor anger at the presenter of the pop quiz and blame them for my mishap and the mess on my face?  Am I going to quickly stand up, run, and retreat… all the while pushing down emotions that want to bind my spirit and choke me?    Or can I find the strength to pull myself up, find some water (living water) and wash my face… change my clothes… fix my hair… reapply lipstick, and try again?

The answer to my questions lies in one little key.  There is one little moment… an opportunity… that can quickly get lost in the wet soppy mess of a situation… of a pop quiz. 

Forgiveness.

There lies the opportunity to forgive myself.  I often miss this opportunity, leaving the enemy an arsenal of weapons to pick up and later use against me. 

Self-grace.  How is it I find it so hard to walk with and embrace self-grace?

Just this morning, a dear friend and I were talking about this need to forgive ourselves.  This can be especially hard when the pop quiz involves our children, as it did with me in the early hours of today.

She shared that it hurts her most when she finds it in herself to humble herself and apologize to her child, and his response is a simple, quick, and sincere, “It’s o.k mom.”  How can we be worthy of such a simple, sweet, sincere offer of forgiveness?  How can he not want to hold onto it and stew with it for a couple days… hours at least?

And it hit me.  Out of the mouths of babes.  This is what our sweet Father offers to us.  “It’s o.k mom.”  “It’s o.k honey.”  “It’s o.k wife.”  “It’s o.k friend.”  “It’s o.k daughter.” It is right there for the taking… if we can humble ourselves and ask.  And if we can humble ourselves and receive.

As we start a journey of prayer together, it is vital that forgiveness be at the foundation.  As women, and especially as mothers, we can be so slow to forgive ourselves.

I invite you to swim down.  Get that suit on that you look fabulous in, and dive in.  Dive into your heart and search for every area that is waiting for self-grace… every area that is waiting for the invitation of forgiveness… and tell her, “It’s o.k.”

I pray self-grace and forgiveness find you today and wash over you like clear, cool living water that comes only from the stream of life.  I pray you grasp onto to courage and swim down deep and reach out to every area in your spirit that has been drowning… and bring her up for air.  Rescue her.  Bring her to the feet of the one waiting to revive her and bring her to life… true life.

It’s o.k.

Post Edit:  Joining me on this journey through November "simply" means stopping by each day, or when you are led, and reading the post for the day.  It means stepping forward in faith and taking hold of November as a month of prayer.  It means letting the Lord speak to your heart and sometimes walking around corners we may have previously avoided... knowing God will meet you there with something good just waiting for you to take hold of... freedom, healing, joy, life... real deep meaningful life.  It's sharing your story, your request, your thoughts, your hurts whenever you want/need to... and knowing we are here for each other and walking this journey together.  Sharing posts and inviting friends to stop by is a bonus.  The more of us on our knees and diving in... the more pearls to be found and given away!  I used "simply" as a relative term.  There is no form to fill out, no attendance to be recorded, no rules to remember... just courage and commitment.  And sometimes it may not be "simple," but it will always be rewarding.  Thank you.  Thanks for walking with me this November.  Love, Dawn~