A Burden Lifted Today!

I hadn't really understood how much pressure I was enduring until I heard the words, "You don't have an unstable spine" today. Oh PRAISE the Lord. I guess I was just internalizing the stress because once I got into the car I almost just broke into pieces at the relief of not having to have rods and pins put in my neck!

So the MRI shows two vertebrae degenerating. That's a bummer and genetic and there isn't anything I can really do to make it stop. But I am going to start physical therapy and have been given the go ahead on being active again!

So to celebrate, I am going to buy this gorgeous photograph from one of my favorite etsy artists... http://www.phoebec.etsy.com I have been ooogling it for a while and I just want to stare at it for hours!

Welcome Spring! My NECK is going to stay on!!!!!!!!

NO HOUSE FOR YOU!

Well, we aren't moving into the house of my dreams... (Oh so dramatic!). The sellers decided to stay (God's sense of humor in full force!). Yes, I guess they realized what a great house they had, how wonderful the laundry room was on the second floor, how beautiful the craftsman trim was, and how open the living space... and decided to stay. Naw... really, their story is they told their kids the deal might not happen and they rejoiced. They told them they didn't want to move and leave their friends. So they are staying. Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

Anyway, back to... well... limbo where we normally remain with much in our lives right now... (drama alert again... can you tell I am tired and pouting!?)

In the mean time... this new bracelet I made makes me very happy!

Coffee Woes and Other Such Nonsense

I am perplexed as to why I can't make a good pot or cup of coffee anymore. Once upon a time, I eagerly anticipated my morning cup of coffee. Now it feels like I am trying to solve some trig problem or something. I mean really, how hard is it to make a good pot of coffee? How can you once be so good at something like that and then lose it!? It's like forgetting how to boil water or something... which luckily I can still do.

So the past several mornings my cup of coffee has gone into the sink as it tastes... bad. I have even dumped the pot and tried a whole new pot. Bad again. So it's either the coffee out to get me... or my neck pain has caused me to lose all sense and know how of coffee making.

So after two glasses of chocolate soy milk, I am over wanting coffee this morning. And on another note... we may not get this house we want. We should know today. If it's a no... I am going to struggle. But I will know it's God's will and that it's for the best. But I still won't be happy.

Now I am off to, yes, clean and declutter more AND dive into my taxes.... I'd rather gather Dusty's droppings from outside than do these taxes and inventory.

If you feel the need for cheese with all this whine/wine.... try a nice mozzarella with basil and sun dried tomatoes on some olive oil toasted freshly baked bread from your local bakery. :0)

Horton Hears A Who

We have been working like mad hatters this past week to get our house ready to put on the market. I have decluttered closets like never before. I am proud of my husband for following suit in his closet, although he has no clothes left!

So yesterday was a "Girl's Day" for Abby and I and we went to see "Horton Hears A Who". It was wonderful. It always delights me to go to the movies with Abby. The theatre is a bustle with little voices whispering, "Is it starting yet mommy?" and "There he is! There's Horton!". The excitement of so many little ones is just adorable. To see little boys walking hand in hand with their daddy's just brings a smile to my heart!

The movie was wonderful in every sense of the word. It was truly a classic (to be) children's movie without the raw "adult" humor permeating every other line. The color was fabulous, the characters were very lovable, and the story was precious. It will be a purchase when it comes to dvd. As we walked out of the theatre, Abby said, "Thank you mommy for the movie... can I have it for my birthday?" Yes, you can little one! I can't tell you how many movies have been put in the thrift store box after being purchased and I did call Wal-Mart back to give them a head's up on my return of "Hunchback of Nortre Dame". Mercy, that movie was so dark and full of evil and sexuality.

OK. On to other things... our house has never looked better! After watching the market for a couple of years, getting numerous estimates on projects for this one, and the twists of life... we have decided not to keep pouring money into this one and to move and simplify. I am excited and nervous at the same time. We live in a wonderful neighborhood and since we have lived on two streets of the neighborhood, we know at least a fifth of the people in it! There is a mix of new families and people who have been here since the beginning. It's also in a great location and we can get anywhere on our golf cart.

Having said that, we have lived in fixer uppers and older homes for a while now and we are looking forward to a change. We are in the contract back and forths on a three year old house that we both love. It's not the best time to sell by any means, but it is a good time to buy. So we are hoping they will balance each other out ok and that God will continue to lead us on this path. We are going to counter a counter offer tonight and hopefully we'll know by tomorrow night if we get the house! I'll keep you posted.

God Glorified.... Only in the South...

How fortunate we are to live in the South where God is more freely spoken of than many parts of this country. As I mentioned before, I have really been convicted lately to share the stories of the major things God has done in my/our life/lives. I have received some major confirmation for this and feel it is what God wants me to do.

So with the help of a very wonderful reporter at our local newspaper, Ben Nelms at the Citizen, God has been glorified and praised openly for what He has done in Abby's life. You can read his powerful and God-filled article at http://www.thecitizen.com/node/26362 . When I read it online last night, I was so overwhelmed at the boldness and extent Ben spoke of God in all of this. I had told him I wanted it to be the largest theme in the story and I feel he delivered past my expectations.

For those of you who really know us, I told Ben that we felt the vaccines Abby received caused the onset of her initial downward spiral. I didn't mention the additive that was in the vaccines at the time because we never researched that... we were so busy in trying to manage and figure out what was going on... we just stop immunizing her. So anyway, he is going to have a clarification added to the website article about that.

God never promises us a bed of roses... hey that's a song. But the promise He gives us over and over is that He will never leave us and that He will walk with us and that He will carry our burden and that He has already won the battle... just trust in Him... and that He is soveriegn and that ALL THINGS... not some, or many, or most... ALL THINGS come together for GOOD for those who love the Lord. "Good" does not always mean healing, it doesn't mean that we will get our way or what we want or even pray for... it means "good" in the overall and eternal picture. It means "good" as in the fact that God brings beauty from ashes and can be glorified even in the darkest of times... HE IS THERE... that is "good" in itself. "Knowing" God in those times is also "good".

A Note of Encouragement

This is an alert for mushiness to follow! We had an amazing sermon yesterday. It was on seeing with God's eyes and even more so with His heart. It was powerful and challenging and I was moved to write the following letter to our pastor.

I have been very moved lately that God has and continues to do such amazing and big things in my life and it is my desire and heart to use them to glorfiy the Lord and proclaim boldly the power He uses in our daily lives. So I was prompted to share the letter here on my blog. This is one of the outlets I have to proclaim God's love and power and so I hope you are encouraged and that my gracious, precious and loving Father in heaven is glorified... PRAISE HIM.

Dear Greg,

I wanted to tell you how much I appreciated and related to your sermon yesterday. I also wanted to share something with you. Hopefully it will encourage you.

God opened my eyes and gave me clearer vision in February of 2007. It was a very dark time for me as Abby had unexpectantly started having seizures again just two months prior. Don had sent me “home” to stay a week with my parents for some “down time”. It was my hope that rest and the love of my family would help refresh and encourage me during such an uncertain and challenging time.

In addition to being emotionally spent from Abby’s illness and the rollercoaster it kept us on, it was no secret that my marriage was suffering as well. One of the main goals of my trip was to speak with one of my spiritual mentors and counselors who lived in Winchester. I met with him the second day I was there and started unloading my list of pains. He has such a heart for the Lord and such knowledge of His truths, just talking to him alone has often made me feel better in the past.

After laying it all out on the table, so to speak, he looked at me and simply said, “Dawn, in all this pain I see one glaring reality that is the heart of this turmoil… I feel that with your knowledge of God’s word and your faith that you “believe” God loves you and has forgiven you, but you do not “know” this… you can not “see” this in your life and it creates a constant turmoil in your spirit that is just wearing you out.” He spoke as if the Holy Spirit were telling me exactly what was wrong and I realized he’d nailed it. In tears I asked him what in the world I could do about it. He suggested that he would like to lay hands on me with two or more people who really loved me and pray for spiritual healing and for my eyes to be uncovered so I could see the love and grace God has for me.

The next day, my parents and I sat in his office for a few hours and prayed and prayed and cried and sobbed and prayed. Words were spoken, wounds were revealed and healing began. It was one of the most intimate experiences with the Holy Spirit I have ever had and it changed my life and was the TURNING point in my marriage. From that “session”, I was able to see my parent’s unconditional love for me for the FIRST time in my life. Upon seeing and “knowing” this love, I was able to comprehend and imagine God’s unconditional love for me. My past loves had always been performance based, conditional, and sometimes taken away.

On the plane ride home, I started asking God how I could use what He’d shown me in my marriage. And right there, that moment in my seat, He suddenly opened my eyes. In my marriage, I had always been able to see myself as one who was struggling to make it work, struggling to become closer to God and struggling to be obedient to God and just struggling in general… but I had NEVER seen my husband through that same filter. Satan had so filled me with lies that when I saw my husband, I saw someone who judged me, was out to damage me, waiting for me to disappointment him, control me… basically I saw an enemy. My eyes opened in such an instant that I started to cry as I saw him as God sees him. I saw a little boy, who carried his own hurts and pains through childhood and tried to figure out how to make it work. I saw a little boy who was struggling to be a man of God in a world full of distractions and lies. I saw a man trying to love a woman who pushed him away, didn’t trust him, didn’t respect him, and often didn’t like him. I was able to see the grace and forgiveness and love he had given me time and time again that I had been so flippant with and often destructive. I was humbled and convicted to the core that I had hurt him and failed with what God had trusted me to do. God chose this man for me because He trusted me to BE HIS LOVE to him. Christ lives inside me and when Christ wants to physically love Don, He does so through me.

I was so overcome with my own sin and blindness that I could hardly breathe… and I vowed to never lose sight of him, through God’s eyes. This “sight” in itself has given me a heart of compassion, love, tenderness and understanding for my husband that I have never had before in the 15 years we’ve been together. This sight is something I cling to with both hands and pray that God always blesses me with. Satan tries to come in with his lies and distractions and tries with all his might to cloud this vision. But my God is strong and HE has already won this battle and with His help and guidance and protection, my eyes will continue to see.

Thank you for your sermon. Thank you for your passion and your heart and the love you have for people. People have to know they are missing something before they can pray for God to deliver them from or to it. You gave clear sight to the fact that many of us are missing God’s eyes. I pray that many who heard your words will pray for God to give them eyes to see as He sees because with this, lives will be transformed.

IN His PRECIOUS and GRACIOUS Love,
Dawn Sullivan

A call for my prayer warriors

I got some not so great news today from my chiropractor. The additional x-rays they took appear to confirm a condition they were hoping to rule out called unstable spine. Basically, on top of two of my vertebrae degenerating and two bone spurs... I have three vertebrae that move out of spinal alignment when I move my neck.

What that means is pain... knew that already... and things getting pinched and pulled and aggravated... which leads to swelling and headaches and such. But what it also means is that any sudden movement, jerk, or ect... could be very dangerous... including damaging the spinal cord and leading to things such as paralysis.

So... my MRI is scheduled for March 14. Until then, I can not have my neck adjusted anymore, have to be very low in activity, and wear a neck brace during activities that could involve sudden movement of my neck. Icing is also helping the swelling and is relieving some of that pain. I also revamped my bed with a 2 inch nova foam topper and got a nice pillow and so I am sleeping better and able to remain on my back.

If the MRI confirms what these x-rays are suggesting, I may need surgery to have pins put into place to try and stabilize these three bones.

So, there is my "day in the life of" for this morning. :0)

I am relieved to have some explanation for the episodes and pain I have been having. But I am nervous and a little scared about what is ahead. BUT, my God is good and sovereign and has shown me time and time and TIME again that HE can move mountains, heal the sick, bring children back from the clutches of darkness and I KNOW He will deliver me through this. I praise HIM for what He has shown me in my life to strengthen my faith. It is this knowledge and hope that comforts and strengthens me now. How THANKFUL I am to have Him as my father, friend, savior, healer, and refuge!

Please pray I can remain focused on these truths and have strength to endure the next few miles on this road ahead. Please also pray for wisdom for the doctors involved and clear guidance in what can and should be done.

Thank you so very much for your faithfulness in praying for my family. Thank you for your friendships and for your trust in the Lord. Much love... Dawn

My Latest and Greatest

Wow. I have had a day today. It is the second day in a row in the past two weeks that I am feeling better, actually good. That is a blessing and I am very thankful... Thank you God.

In honor of my cousin, Teecy, who has blogged a "day in the life" I am sharing my day today. She and her friends are doing this on their blogs and so Teece... this day was for you!

5 a.m. Awake to an all too familiar sound of Abby awaking for the day and wanting to get up.

5:30 a.m. Plead with Abby to stay in bed another hour and "Let mommy sleep."

6:30 a.m. Get phone call from my precious husband to rise and shine, as he is already on the road for his trip.

6:40 a.m. Get up and start Abby's morning routine for getting ready for school.

7:30 a.m. Grab Abby's jacket and announce it is time to go. Abby replies, " I need to go .... doo doo." Of course... "Go, go, go... please hurry, I don't want you to be late," I answer. I hear the toilet flush first, Abby needs a fresh bowl, and then nothing.... nothing... nothing. "Abby, what are you doing in there?" I ask. She opens the door and looks out and says, "I want to go potty in my bathroom." "No, you are in this bathroom, I don't have time for these games, just go to the bathroom ABBY," replies the now anxious mommy! She closes the door... and still... nothing.
After several more moments of nothing, I march over to the door, open it, and find her standing there in front of the toilet with her pants around her ankles and in her socks. "Mommy, there is water on the floor," she says with a little cautious smile. I look down and there is water and THEN SOME all over the floor and she is standing in the middle of it in her socks. If you know me well, you know I HATE toilets and think they really should be back out in the yard as in "olden times". This is my worst nightmare of toilet drama.

7:45 a.m. Pull Abby out of the mess, drop her in the kitchen, remove her clothing from the waste down and carry it to washer. Wash her feet with anti-bacterial wipes and send her to HER bathroom. Clean kitchen floor, CLOSE bathroom door for later, redress Abby and walk out the door.

7:50 a.m. Find the wind shield of the car iced over... yes... again, of course. Remind myself that God's timing is sovereign, scrape windshield and get out the driveway.

8:00 a.m. Return home to deal with the war zone of poop. I will spare you these details... although they are almost as comical as the events thus far!

8:15 a.m. Scrub my skin off in the shower and wash my hands for the 5th time.

8:45 a.m. Go down stairs to work on price list for jewelry client and find one of Abby's pull ups (dry one thankfully) ripped to shreds all over the sun room floor with the guilt party standing by with his head between his legs.

8:48 a.m. Scold dog, yell at dog, make mental note he will be up all night with diarrhea, and vacuum up the new mess.

9:00 a.m. Work on price sheet and presentation for Georgia Jewels client.

9:45 a.m. Leave for appointment, call mom for prayers, stop by Staples to buy tags.

10:20 a.m. Arrive at clients store and make the biggest sale I have had yet! I just love her. I was so excited with my new concept for my Spring line. I have a "Casual Collection" line with glass and metals and then a "Semi-Precious" line with the stones and sterling pieces. She bought the entire collection and asked for more! Thank you God. I lay this before you and you bless me time and time again. I just adore the relationship I have with Amy too... she is one of my biggest fans and I am so thankful to know her! (The picture was taken in her office and so the lighting is awful but it's a glimpse)

11:20 a.m. Head back to PTC to pick Abby up for school and call my friends to share my excitement!

NOON Pick Abby up from school and take her to McDonald's for lunch. She has chicken, apples and apple juice and I have the Asian salad and water. She plays on the play set, I watch Brett cry his eyes out as he retires (broke my heart) on the tv there and then see the story about Hannah Polin. My mouth drops to see she has mitochondrial disease and I am struck with thought.

2 p.m. Drop Abby off at Brain Balance. This is going so well! I am so excited about the changes we are seeing in her. PRAISE GOD and thank you so much!

2:10 p.m. Head to the bookstore for a moment of down time and to gather numbers of newspapers.

2:50 p.m. Go back to pick up Abby and start calling reporters to tell them Abby's story.

3:00 p.m. Go to friends house to drop of jewelry to be given to a woman who has lost everything in a house fire. Angie is a Cabi consultant and she gathered clothes from "gals", as she says, from all over the country to give this woman. I was honored she asked me to donate some jewelry. You go girl!

3:30 p.m. Pull over on the side of the road to continue a FASCINATING conversation with a reporter. He is very interested in Abby's story and we've schedule an interview for tomorrow. I am excited out of my mind and will have to share more later on this.

4:30 p.m. Come home, have a coffee with my husband and start blogging. We are having dinner tonight at our favorite local restaurant, Thai Spice. We love to have "family night out".

OK... so there it is so far. Hope you enjoyed a small glimpse into a "Day in the life" of this mommy!

Love to you all.... Dawn

A Good Night

Wow, I had a good night last night and that is the first in a long time! After icing for an hour while watching an awesome movie, "Elizabeth... the Golden Age"... I actually felt "good" for the first time in two weeks. I was tempted to do a back flip but opted not. I enjoyed three thin mint Girl Scout cookies along with some hot chai tea with gingerbread coffee cream.... mmmmmmm. I actually sat there and thought... "This is a good moment!"

After my night in at the movies... I guess I was so stoked about feeling good that I couldn't go to sleep. UGHHH... my thoughts were going 90 to nothing as usual and I was overwhelmed with sadness over the loss of Lodie. I was thinking about the night we had to put her down and was getting so upset I had to sit up in bed and then it hit me... it was March 4th.... the year anniversary of losing her.

So after that, and another hour of tossing and turning, I got up at 1 a.m. and started getting the stuff out of my head. I made my new jewelry cards, wrote a note to Abby's teacher, emailed Don, and designed some new tags. FINALLY at 2:30 a.m. I had emptied enough from my brain to sleep!

As for the back and neck drama... I am awaiting an MRI appointment and then we'll go from there. This is the short version! :0)

I've got a showing at the store I sell to tomorrow and I am very excited about the line... I'll share tomorrow!

Spring is coming soon!

Our jasmine is blooming... little purple flowers are springing up all over the yard and my hibiscus has come back from the dead and is wearing (and showing off) three blooms!

We have had three days of amazing weather but I fear the coolness is on her way back in tonight.

I finally have started taking pics of some of my new Spring items. I've got a showing at the store that carries my items this Thursday. After that, I'll be posting more!

I am going to a bone specialist tomorrow. I am still enduring pain and my neck is just not getting better. My chiropractor sent my x-rays off to a radiologist for a second opinion and there are some iffy looking things. I'll spare the details until the specialist looks at them tomorrow.

Until then, I am popping my alieve and taking my magnesium and trying to take it easy... trying!