This is my biggest complaint. I don't have enough time.
I feel kinda overwhelmed, every day, because I just can't seem to find or manage the time I have been given.
This is my biggest desire right now, besides one, that is large on my heart.
There seems to be at least two categories... need and want.
I need time to sleep. I need time to study, learn, pray, worship, serve and grow spiritually. I need time with my family (quality time, homework time, play time, husband time). I need time to run the home (this includes the NEVERENDING tasks of laundry, cleaning, shopping for, planning, preparing and cleaning up after meals, organizing, and cleaning... yes, I know I mentioned that twice!). I need to exercise. Enough said there. I need to rest (to just sit, read, listen to music, watch my birds, sit in the sunshine or look at the walls).
And then there is the want category. I want to do other things around the house (like painting a chalk board strip down T's wall, painting the butcher block island, putting beadboard up in the kitchen and kid's bathroom, painting numerous chest of drawers, organizing my closet, hanging and hemming curtains, and several other things). I want to make things (like scrapbooks, pillows for the sofa, fabric pins and headbands, pillows for M's room, a corn hole game for the kids, heart banners and flag banners, and other crafty things floating around in my head). I want time with my friends. I want to play with my photography. I want time to travel and explore.
Time. It is a gift. It can't be replaced. It doesn't stop. It is hard to manage.
The other thing heavy on my heart is A. It is so hard to remain seperate from her. She affects me deeply. Her moods affect me deeply. Her behavior affects me deeply. Her heart affects me deeply. Her life affects me deeply. And I am tired. I feel so sad. I feel so out of control (and I am as there is just ONE in control).
I feel like I am losing time with her. We are having some major behavior issues that spill over into most of my day. I feel I am failing. I feel I am missing something. I feel it will be soon too late to reach her and be able to mold or guide her in certain skills very much needed for her life. My heart is broken. The emotional rollercoaster keeps me emotionally drained.
Time. I am praying that God's timing will bring help and answers and guidance soon. And that I can walk through it surrendered to the ONE who holds it, see Him all in it, and find joy there.