Baby Bunny... aka Sally

Here she is... (Mom). I just love her. I enjoyed making her so much. Everytime I look at her I just smile. Her legs are made from an old pair of Abby's jeans, her face and arms from an old skirt (she has a cute little pocket on the back of her head for treasures), and the body and ears are from one of Abby's pillow shams. She is the first thing I have made (sewn) since I made Abby's curtains a couple years ago! It was so much fun to be back at the machine. I think I will make something else soon!

Christmas dress from Grammy!

Timeless.

Earrings from Santa! Timely.

Making Christmas breakfast. Precious.

Bravely waiting...

and the first look. Priceless.

She didn't even flinch!

Random Christmas Eve Thoughts...

Our wonderful day started off with my precious husband NOT getting a call at 4 a.m. to come to work today! They already dropped Christmas Day and now he's been home all day today as a bonus!(Thank you Santa)

We shared an annual Christmas Eve breakfast with fellow neighbors at the new local I-Hop. Each year, a large group from the neighborhood meets to have breakfast together. This year it meant more to me than any other.

Next, I was off to conquer Kroger and buy the essentials for our Christmas breakfast and dinner. (I forgot all about the ingredients for zucchini soup for tonight's little feast!) I made two observations while wandering the very crowded store, people were either in a wonderful and cheerful mood... or they were NOT. It was funny. No in-between people... just happy and NOT.

As I stood in front of the case of turkeys, it hit me, this monster was never going to thaw by tomorrow. What now? One of my friends' mothers walked by and she told me I could take it out of the wrapper, put it naked in the sink all day while changing the water and trying to pull the sack of innards out... No thank you! Being borderline vegetarian as it is... I could not stomach that! I glanced over at the ducks and winced... I considered game hens and thought not, I looked at the huge slab of ham and thought not again. So there I stood... having an animal moment in the middle of the meat department at Kroger. Tofu for Christmas dinner? Nah.... I walked in circles a few times, seriously laboring over what to do... then huffed a sigh of defeat and tried to find the smallest ham possible. I apologized to it. Found the one that was naturally fed, no msg's and minimally processed and literally tossed it in the bottom of the cart. This meat thing is getting on my nerves... can't I just eat it without thought like millions of other people in the world!? That answer is "No".

So I found a line that was actually short and went to pay for my food items and Jolly St. No Personality got in line behind me. I had three transactions to do. One for a woman in my bible study I was buying some items for (out of my business money), one for a family our small group is buying stuff for (out of that money), and myself. He was very annoyed with my little divider doo hickies. I explained to the clerk what I was doing and I thought his eyes were going to roll out of his head. Then I asked the clerk for a gift certificate I needed to buy... more eyeball aerobics from Jolly St. No Personality and THEN... the register would not scan the gift certificate! It was great. I thought he was going silently combust! So I glanced back at him and said, "I'm sorry", and do you know what he did!? He just looked at me... like I was a lump of annoyance... and so I smiled and said, "Actually, no, no I am not... I am not sorry." His face broke and I think he may have had a tiny moment of introspective thought about his behavior. I thanked the clerk by name and the bagger, took my items, and walked out with a smile. Hopefully Jolly St. No Personality will be visited by three ghosts tonight and wake tomorrow with a better outlook!

So we are home now, making more candy, listening to Christmas music, and getting ready to drop by some one's house to deliver Christmas cheer and meet friends at the Christmas Eve service. I LOVE to sing Christmas Carols with hundreds of people who also love the Lord... it is very moving and I know it makes Him smile!

When we return home, after stopping to get soup makings, Abby will open her gifts. I made her the cutest baby bunny yesterday! I am thrilled with it. It is my favorite thing I have ever made. I am so excited about her opening it... I hope she loves it too!

After a few gifts, we'll snuggle in for the viewing of "Polar Express", cocoa, and yummy goodies! Tomorrow morning, Santa will have stopped by, filled stockings and HOPEFULLY will have brought Abby the present she has asked him for... earrings! We'll see..... Happy Christmas Eve Dear Friends... Love to you all.

Christmas Week Has Begun!

My first Christmas gift came last night when I received a phone call from my Houston store letting me know the BOX ARRIVED! Abby and I were on a sushi date and I almost squealed out loud! But we did a table version of the happy dance instead!!! (many thanks to those of you who prayed for my box to arrive!)

So Christmas week has officially begun and my brain is officially Georgia Jewels unloaded! Abby and I started our Christmas week celebration by making our first two batches of hard Christmas candy. We made cinnamon and peppermint and it is oh so yummy and pretty! I had originally planned to put it into jars I and my friends have been saving BUT, a batch makes less than I had thought and I'd need about 20 batches to fill my jars! So Abby and I went out and bought little bags and some Christmas stickers and we'll move onto plan B for packaging.

Christmas week actually began last week for us. Amidst all the craziness of bead counting (oh... headache trying to break through just thinking of it) we stole away to Callaway Gardens for their "Fantasy in Lights" Christmas celebration. We kept it as a surprise for Abby... we love to surprise her. She was thrilled and we were rewarded with "that" precious, gleeful, simply and innocently genuine smile of happiness that fills us from head to toe with parental satisfaction!

We entered a HUGE bubble tent that was FULL of various themed Christmas trees, Christmas crafts, Christmas booths, and Christmas treats. Abby burst with joy when the Gingerbread man walked around the corner. She looked over for permission and then ran to him and embraced him with a big, lllllloooooooonnnnnnnngggggggggg hug! "You can let go now Abby". When I got the picture home and downloaded it, you can see the woman's face as plain as day in one of the eyes! I am not sure how Abby is going to feel about that as I am 99% certain she has no idea there is a person inside the gingerbread man!

There were Georgia Bulldog trees, lake trees, beach trees, sock monkey trees, dog trees, cat trees, fancy trees, simple trees... and a VERY interesting and strikingly beautiful black tree! It was really stunning. It was black and decorated with silver and glass ornaments. I couldn't stop starring at it... maybe next year!

I am not sure who invented the idea of "face painting" for children but they are simply genius. It was the best $2 we have spent in a long time. The most precious "Southern Lady" painted Abby's face with an adorable reindeer and then gave her a red glitter nose, all the while telling her in her drippy sweet voice how precious and beautiful she was... if she only knew how true that really is. It was sweet and Abby was thrilled to squeals with her new look!

After some dinner and purchasing some sugar and cinnamon coated almonds, we braved the line to ride the trolley on the one hour ride through the woods full of gleaming lights. The weather was perfect. The lights were beautiful and we had a blast singing carols with our fellow trolley riders. I can't even do justice to how beautiful the lights are there. Callaway really does a great job and it will become one of our new Christmas traditions!

It's amazing what simple lights can do to your spirits this time of year. I am amazed to see adults so touched by them each year. To me, they reflect the simple beauty of light, light that brings hope into a dark and hurting world, and a joy produced by embracing the simple things that truly are so big... like family time together.

I hope you are all off to a wondrous and joyful Christmas week! We send much love to you all.

Need to vent or will implode.

I am so angry I have a headache. I am so angry I have the amazing urge inside to scream until my throbbing head explodes. And there is nothing I can do, but feel this way until the horrible mood passes.

I sold my business today. It drove away in the back of a vehicle and I remain with check in hand. I was thinking I was going to feel happiness, relief, and freedom. Then the phone rang five minutes after everything left. It was one of my best selling stores in Houston, Texas. A package I mailed with a large order in it has still not arrived. The package was NEEDED by December 16. It was for three customers, two of whom were having big Christmas parties and were giving my necklaces as party gifts. I mailed the package PRIORITY mail on Dec. 8th. As of today, December 20th, it is still not there.

Obviously the store owner is far less than happy. Her three customers are irate. The USPS is CLUELESS and SLACK and I am an idiot for using them in the first place and not tracking the package and left with a raging headache, stomach ache and useless anger and frustration.

So now I have to order the supplies I need Monday so that HOPEFULLY second day air will get them here Wed. and then drive to Gainesville where my cousin is staying for the holidays and redo this order and lose all that money. Lovely. Grand. Great.

Very sour... maybe another bubble bath in the depths of a volcano would make me feel better.

Goodbye. Hello.

We went to a funeral today. It was the fifth funeral for us this year. A dear precious man in our church family had a massive heart attack last Friday and went to dance and sing with the Lord this Tuesday.

The service was held in our church building and I was so struck by the memory of just speaking with him there two Sundays ago. Now, he was there, lying in the front.

As I looked around, I was touched by the beauty of something you don't see all the time. Men were hugging men all around me. They were emotional. They were vulnerable. They were real. And I was moved by the beauty of their courage to be so brave and so real. Ansley would have been proud.

Our prayers are with his precious family. Our smiles are with Ansley, knowing he is singing and dancing before the Lord.

Ode to Bubble Bath.

OK. So I have passed the point of "fried" and am now at "frazzled". My body is screaming out in pain as I have been hunched over in the floor counting "stuff" for days now. So tonight, I "let" my serving husband make dinner and clean up dinner. After dinner I retreated to the place any over exhausted and frazzled to the deepest depths mother goes... the bubble bath.

As I tried to enter my sanctuary, Abby tried to join. Guilt came and quickly left as I gave a firm "no", closed the bedroom door and locked it. After filling my tub with the hottest water my faucet would deliver, my tranquil moment began. Muscles started to loosen, skin started to open, and mind started to drift.

Abby: Knock, knock, knock. Bang, bang, bang. Kick. (on the locked door) Mommy, let me in!
Mommy: No, Abigail. I will not let you in.
Abby: Mommy, Dusty and I are so sad you are in your room.
Mommy: You are?
Abby: Yes, we are so sad, we need to come in. KICK.
Mommy: little giggle. I am sorry honey. You and Dusty are going to have to deal with it.
Abby: Mommy, Daddy is so lonely downstairs. You need to come downstairs!
Mommy: giggle, giggle, giggle. Abigail, I will be down later.
Abby: What are you laughing at Mommy!? Kick. Kick.
Mommy: Abigail, stop it! Do not kick the door!
Daddy: (muffled from downstairs) Abigail, stop it.
Abby: thump, thump, thump... retreats downstairs.

Ahhhhh... silence again. I sank deeper into the HOT water, my nose resting slightly above the still water, and tried to flatten myself into the bottom of the tub. Ode to my bubble bath. It was a sweet retreat... for a moment.

Good days and bad days.

Yesterday was a bad day. Bad day for me. Don had been gone on a trip and I was fried. I am trying to inventory my business to pass it along this Friday. That means I am counting beads, and spacers and earring wires, and charms and pendants, measuring silver chain and leather and silver wire, counting supplies like tools and display pieces and boxes... fried... did I mention fried?

So in addition to this, which I am blessed is short lived, I am schooling Abby and growing more stressed with Abby's seizure increase as each day goes by... watching her eyes slip further away into deep dreariness and watching her lose words in her head and act out in negative behaviors in loud protest to drugs exhausts my soul with frustration and sadness. I battle with the balance. It is my greatest battle. Being sleep deprived into the core of my being is yet another great battle that makes my cheerie and patient disposition slip further away into a place that is deep and hard to reach.

So yesterday I lost my patience and raised my voice and was really ready to slip away for a weeks rest. Then Don came home last night and I rertreated to Abby's unused room to sleep. I actually did sleep and was surprised when I awoke the first time to morning light. Today is a better day. Even though Abby had a seizure this morning, school went well, her lunch is being eatten and her nap about to begin. I will retreat to the studio to count some more and then we will be delighted with our afternoon fire and family time, making dinner together and then lying down again.

It is a better day. And I am thankful for that.

Tis the Season

A few months ago, we decided to do Christmas different this year. We decided to go against the commercialism that is driven down our throats and taught to us at early ages. It's been coming for a while, but this year, in our attempt to simplify and declutter, it seemed the perfect time for a change. We are going very light on the gifts. We informed our family we would not be exchanging gifts with everyone this year. We decided to exchange a few amongst ourselves.

To keep our minds centered and focused on the true meaning of Christmas Day, we are going to open our little gifts on Christmas Eve. Christmas Day will be a day to reflect on Christ's love for us, the true gift of Christmas, and to be together and deliver homemade candy treats to our neighbors and friends.

I am very excited about our "new" Christmas. It already feels good... in many ways. Americans (just Americans) spend 450 billion EACH year on Christmas. Can you even really wrap your brain around that amount of money? hmmmmmmmmm.....

Check it out. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qj4Zv6_2imY

Then your light will break forth like the dawn, and your healing will quickly appear; then your righteousness will go before you, and the glory of the Lord will be your rear guard. Isaiah 58:8~

This is the scripture I am claiming this week. By the end of seven days, I will own it, know it, and find peace in it. There are so many wonderful words of encouragement and promise in the book of Isaiah.

I want to start by thanking you all again for your precious friendship, for your emails, phone messages and your love. What treasures you all are to me and my family. It just makes me smile.

Our appointment with Abby's neurologist went as well as could be expected last week. We were all able to discuss things together and that was helpful. But there are no answers... only suggestions to keeping increasing medications. There is a new drug coming out next year that we "may" try. But when 10 others haven't worked, it's not likely that a new one will either.

So we are considering another option. We are going to talk with another doctor in the same practice about the vegal nerve stimulator. It's a device that is implanted into the chest and has a "wire" that runs up the vegal nerve in her neck and stimulates the brain with periodic impulses. It is my HOPE/DESIRE/DREAM that this constant stimulation through out the night as she is in a deep sleep will keep her from having that stinkin seizure as she comes out of sleep. So we are going to discuss this option with the doctor there who does the procedure and see what his thoughts are on the subject.

In the meantime, we struggle to find the balance of researching/fighting/ focusing on Abby's illness with the need to be somewhat "normal" with our lives. So there are appointments to be made, ones to be kept, and ones to be found BUT I am going to get my nails done today. Seems like such a petty little indulgence. But we are going to a little party this afternoon/evening and I want red nails! Ha... just saying it/thinking it out loud seems so petty and delicious at the same time! So after Abby finishes her date with the Grinch, we are off to buy the "Christmas Story" for this evening's entertainment and to get my/our nails painted red!

Happy 9th Anniversary Baby...

How exciting to be so close to ten! I am forever thankful for God's hand upon our marriage. Our love has been stretched and strengthened... it has been bruised and has bloomed... it has groaned and grown. I am continually amazed with what we can endure, together. I am continually amazed at how rich and multi-faceted our love and marriage continues to become.

You are kind, loving, thoughtful, forgiving, adventurous, strong, sexy and good. I love the way you love our family. I love the way you love our time together. And I love the way you reach out and touch me for no reason. I love how you smile at me in the mornings and greet me with a big long hug (and coffee!). I love the way you plan special things for me, for us. I love the way you text me love notes!!!!!!!

Thank you for loving me. Thank you for fighting for me. Thank you for being patient with me. Thank you for forgiving me. Thank you for seeking to "know" me and my heart. Thank you for holding me through some very hard times. Thank you for creating some very wonderful times.

I love you... I love you crazy.

Thank you all for your prayers, emails, and phone calls. Just knowing your are before the Lord in Abby's behalf is so encouraging and helpful for us during this time.

She is holding at a seizure every three nights. Her last one was Sunday morning at 5:30 a.m. We have an appointment with her neurologist on Thursday. In the mean time, I've joined two yahoo groups for mitochondrial disease and have found some helpful ideas there as well as encouragement and understanding. It helps to be in the presence of others who suffer such emotional and physical roller coasters with their children's health.

Our prayers are specific this week... if you don't mind. We are praying, first, for God's guidance. As we pray, there are so many different issues we are praying about. Treatment of mitochondrial disease is not a science... it's very much a trial and error game. We are also praying for opened eyes and guidance for her doctor.

We are praying for guidance in what to do with her medications, what specialists to seek, what supplements to increase, and what lifestyle changes to make. We are also looking/researching for anything new... information, options, drugs, supplements... that may be helpful for her.

We also pray for guidance in our conversation with her doctor. As I said, it's not a science yet. So we all kinda bounce questions and ideas off each other and I pray God guides us in HIS direction and that we are in agreement.

We also ask for prayers of strength, me especially. When you have prayed the same prayer over and over, in every possible way you can find... had elders at two churches lay hands on her and pray scripture from the word, fast and have friends who GRACIOUSLY offer to fast (Thank you dear one... you know who you are and you warm my heart), it can be very mentally, spiritually, and physically exhausting. I KNOW God doesn't always answer our prayers in the way we FEEL He ought to. I KNOW HIS plan for Abby is perfect and that HIS ways are not our ways. I KNOW HUNDREDS of people have been on their knees before Him on her account and their own faith has been strengthened by seeing God's hand upon her... I KNOW all these things... KNOW them in my inner most being... BUT... I am the mother He chose for her and I love her with every ounce of my very being and I want her healthy... happy... and thriving in His glory and presence. The battle of KNOWING and WANTING is oh so ferocious and exhausting.

So I praise Him in this storm and I hold to the truths of His word, His faithfulness and His Oh so sweet and binding sovereignty. And I pray for a good week.

Prayers, Prayers, Prayers Please

We are in VA and Abby's seizures are increasing in rapid fashion. In less than the past two weeks, she has had seven seizures. We've increased meds twice and she/the seizures are not responding. As well as growing in frequency, they are growing in strength and intensity. This is the third winter in a row this has happened. We are perplexed, searching for something that makes sense. Has something changed or is this just the disease? So your prayers are coveted. Thank you.

Happy Thanksgiving Early Dear Ones

Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday. I love my family gathering during the most beautiful time of the year. I love the chill in the air, the sound of the crisp leaves blowing, and the smell of smoke from chimneys. I love the first notes of Christmas music being played and the anticipation of getting the Christmas tree in just a few days. And yes, I love the turkey!!!! I love turkey!!!! I love mashed potatoes, green bean casserole, hot rolls, cranberry sauce, and pumpkin pie with vanilla bean ice cream. I am a traditional Thanksgiving girl.

As I tackle my list of "23" things to do before leaving for this festive holiday tomorrow, I wanted to tell you all that I love you and you are so dear to me. I pray you are blessed with the gift of family this Thanksgiving and become overwhelmed as you count your blessings! I'm taking "off" from the blog world while I am gone. I will return with pictures and tales.

Walking Forward in Faith on the Ever Changing Path of Life...

Sometimes it's easy, sometimes easier, sometimes harder, and sometimes very difficult. It's harder right now. But there are many, many blessings in my life and I focus on them and the truth that I am striving to live for the Lord and not myself. Some of my favorite many blessings...

My Loving Husband- He's healthy, He's thoughtful, He's a Wonderful Daddy to Abby, He provides for us with a job with the benefits of travel and health insurance and is OFTEN home, and He loves me with an unconditional love that is truly from God

My Precious Daughter- Abby is learning, Abby is walking and talking and playing, Abby is growing, Abby's health is relatively stable, Abby is home with me in the school house and we are sharing precious moments, Abby's growing a love for the Lord and is just a generous gift that keeps on giving...

I have a beautiful home in which we entertain many friends, where we have devotion to the Lord each morning and prayer time for Him each night as a family, where we are kept warm when it is cold outside and where we gather around the fire each night to be together... and of course where I can rearrange furnishings and "freshen".

My precious dog whom brings me much joy just by bouncing around on the floor and snuggling next to me...

Friends, many friends whom love us and shower us with prayers and friendship... friends who celebrate with us, friends who cry with us, friends who gather near when we need them... special God sent friends whom we have never even met!

And I am the daughter of a Loving, Faithful, Sovereign God who desires a relationship with me in which I am with Him daily, die to Him daily, Trust in Him daily, Praise Him daily, seek Him daily, and obey Him daily... and He loves me with a love my human mind can not comprehend, and He has plans for me that I can not know, and He has a will for me that is perfect... He speaks to me and comforts me through the precious and sacred holy gift and presence of His Holy Spirit... and He guides me with His very hand...




So it is hard, but we will continue walking forward... in Faith


These beautiful photos were taken by our precious friends Missy and Brian. Thank you a thousand times again. http://www.momentsbymissy.com/

The School House is Rockin

Abby rocked at school today, thankfully. She had a seizure yesterday morning and so school was a loss yesterday. Today she sounded out new words and is clearly on her way to reading. I am filled with so much happiness to hear her sound out words!

So this is how we play at the school house! Who needs snow? Here in Georgia, all we need is a hill and a good box!

I came home from errands today to find Abby and her daddy waiting to show me their new trick! It was awesome. Even I went down our little hill in the front yard... thankfully there are no pictures of that one!

Sock monkey and new butterfly baby accompanied Abby on her rides until Sam came out to join her. There are two ways to land. The good way and the not so good way. MOST of the time we have good landings... but every now and then they are a bit rough and high!

So there are four highlights for the keeper of the school house today. Number one- My daughter is reading, learning math, improving listening skills, making beautiful art, and learning history and science... all after a great devotion about her Lord and Creator.

Number two- I usually remain in my pajamas until at least 1 p.m. (Abby is dressed for school)

Number three- We are having fun dinner guests tonight!

And here is number FOUR! As I delivered a jewelry order to a local store, there were the most fabulous Christmas stockings I have ever dreamed of in my whole life...seriously! I have been looking/shopping/hunting for the perfect Christmas stocking for three years now. It has been hopeless and I have NOT had time to make them! So there they were... beckoning me from the front of a chest... calling my name and smiling from ear to ear... knowing they WERE THE ONES!

I made a trade with the store owner and STILL came up on the plus side with cash to pocket!

Abby got first dibs and picked the snowman, I am the peace sign and Daddy is the house! The beautiful ornament is for our little one to come... one day... if ever.

Here is the down side to my day. I pulled black socks out of the hamper basket today to wear with the sweater I have worn three times and the pants I have worn twice this week. And I wore my hair in pig nubs (not even tails) for the third time in public this week. HMMMMMMM... LAUNDRY must become a highlight tomorrow! And hair must become a priority again.

Where have you been lately?

It's been a while. Sorry. Life. Craziness. Tiredness. Emotional roller coasters followed by very bad days. BUT... very wonderful schooling going on here at the school house! That is my biggest praise and blessing right now.

Abby is doing great with home schooling and I am loving it more and more each day. She has fallen right into the routine and ASKS to do homework again! She loves it and I am so blessed by her renewed desire to learn! And another huge praise... she is sounding out words and READING! Praise God! How fun it is. The first day she was really sounding out words and blending them together and getting the word... we were doing the "Happy Dance" in the sun room and jumping up and down... her SMILE was PRICELESS!

School is Monday through Thursday from 9 am to noon. Friday is a day to make up work and catch up on things that may have been missed. It's also a day to go to CBS (Bible study) together! She loves her class there too and I am thrilled to have her there.

Three hours of straight work is the perfect amount of time for her. We start each day with devotion, calendar and number lines. We have science, history, and art twice a week, math three times a week, and writing and reading four times a week. We add in story "listening time" on tapes, playing games (crazy eights, Old Maid, Memory) a couple times and she has computer time twice a week. We also go to the library once a week and find books to go with what we are learning. In history, we are learning about the continents and started with Asia. So we went to the Library yesterday and got two books on China and one on Panda bears. It's GREAT! I am totally loving it. And so is she!

And Don taught school one day last week and gave me the morning off and is teaching again tomorrow! I have major jewelry stuff to get done before I sell my business next month... yes... I have sold Georgia Jewels! More on that blessing later.

Since I have school planned out two weeks at a time, I just hand him the day with my planner and he does it! Another great blessing.

These beautiful flowers are from my husband. I have been through the ringer lately. Emotionally, I am worn out. Clomid knocked me down and this adoption is wearing me down. The little girl we were hoping to adopt in Colorado was supposed to be posted until this past Friday(14th). When her posting disappeared on the 7th, I asked my coordinator to call and check and just make sure everything was fine. The social worker out there never returned any of her phone calls and still hasn't. My heart tells me they found a Colorado family. The whole thing is just emotionally exhausting. So my precious husband brought me beautiful flowers, has made me dinner twice in the past week, slept with Abby two nights in a row to give me rest and let me sleep in twice. He also surprised me with a fire, hot cinnamon rolls, and coffee last week as I tearfully returned from a "moment" away.

His aunt Genevieve died last week and we were in Houston this past weekend for her funeral. She had battled cancer for two years. She was a daughter of the King and we rejoice that she is dancing with the Lord. She has left behind a son and two daughters whom will remain in our prayers and hearts right now.

Abby has had seizures about once every two weeks for a month and a half now and so we are going up on medication again tonight. It is our prayer that this is the last increase for a while.

As I mentioned above, I have sold my business and am doing inventory and finishing up some last orders before my precious cousin-in-law takes it over next month! Yeah Joanna!

So we are starting a new week and I just wanted to say hello. Hopefully I will be back again sooner than later! Love to all.

Adoption Update

We got a call this week from the adoption coordinator we are working with who has spoken to the social worker in Colorado. Our home study has been received and reviewed and we are being considered. They have to accept home studies through Nov. 14th and then will make a decision.

We found out more information on this little girl and it is such a sad situation. For privacy purposes, I'll not share details but ask that you please remember her in your prayers. Please pray for her heart to prepared, for her little soul to be comforted and for God to quickly get the family He has chosen for her to her so her life can become stable again. Please also pray for our patience and peace in God's will. Thank you, as always... so so much. I'll keep you posted.

All I want for Christmas

OK... it's official. I really want a piano for Christmas... it could also be a combined anniversary present... and Valentine's Day... ok... and birthday... since they are all in a two month time frame!

I have loved piano music since I was very young. My mom used to make cassette tape copies (dating myself a tad) of her music and send it to me. So I had the privilege of being introduced to George Winston very early on. I used to sit in the dark, in my room, and listen to piano music for hours. Later on, I discovered Yanni. Yes! I admit it! I LOVE YANNI. His music just moves me and I have written poetry to one of his cd's.

George Winston and Windham Hill make me think of Fall and Winter. I crank it and let the cool breeze come in the windows and get nothing done! Yanni just makes me want to breath in life... and hold it for a very long time. Lucky for me, my husband has taken me to see George Winston and Yanni in concert! It was all I could do to remain in my seat.

When I was very young, before my parents divorced, we had a piano and I took lessons. It was a very old piano that had belonged to my grandmother. I remember there was a color key on the back that my great grandfather had drawn on there for her to use to learn to play. Some of the keys were chipped... I thought it was fabulous. I'd do anything to have that piano today.

I took lessons for a brief time and then my parents divorced. Sadly, with the move came the end of my piano days. Later, in high school, my grandparents bought one for my aunt. I played on it often and learned to play by ear. I spent hours learning several George Winston pieces.

So... to whom it may concern... All I want for Christmas is an old piano (but in tune)!

Happy Halloween!

I love Halloween all over again with a little one to share it with! I try to stay away from scary and evil things and keep the holiday fun.

Cinderella, Dusty and I went trick or treating with our friends the Straders. She and Quinn... aka cheerleader... ran from house to house... it was pretty cute.

Cinderella insisted on having a wand... so we stole it from the Fairy Godmother... midnight isn't late enough for us! (We actually made it this afternoon.)

After tricking houses in the neighborhood, we returned to our warm, waiting soup... which I whipped up before we left. Seriously. Opened the pantry... grabbed a can of spinach, can of garbanzo beans, and a can of diced tomatoes... put that in the crock pot with beef stock and added some cooked pasta shells... it was CRAZY good! Returning home to soup is a Hallow's Eve tradition!

So now we are off for our bubble bath extravaganza... so far I have eaten a mini Snickers (my fav), a bite size butterfinger that led me to eat a mini butterfinger and we're off with treats to eat in the tub!

Prayers Please

We are waiting. It is VERY hard to do. There is a little girl that needs a home and we have had our home study sent in to be considered. She is four and will be five next month.

It is so hard to be at some one's mercy. When I was emailing our adoption "helper" this morning, I told her it was hard to be at people's mercy. As I typed it, I realized that we are not really at the mercy of her calling at the right time, or being persistent, or the social worker reading our home study and picking us (amidst a PILE she has surely received), we are really at God's mercy... and that, too, is so very hard sometimes.

So we ask for prayers. Even though God knows whether or not this is the child He wants to join our family, He wants and longs and responds to our prayers... in every matter of our lives. And so I pray to Him today and ask you to do the same. If it be His will, bring her to us and let us love her. If it is not His will, give us comfort and peace in our disappointment.

I HOPE so much she is the one. Of course, I have only seen a small picture along with a small write up... but she looks adorable and there is a little sparkle in her eyes and sweet joy in her smile. It will be a long day... and if we hear nothing today... it will be a long weekend!

*Post Note: Nothing. We heard nothing. Nothing is so hard. But I DO get to raid my daughter's pumpkin soon and can soothe myself with a wee bit of chocolate!

My Precious One

Here is my precious one... in the grass... playing in the straw with her precious little rake.

She'd gone 17 days without a seizure until this morning. I awoke at 5 a.m. to her restlessness. I started praying and patting her back, stroking her hair, trying to calm her back into sleep. I thought about how happy I was that we were so close to three weeks. But I felt it coming. I knew it was coming... just around the corner in the shadows. I prayed a little harder... a simple plea... "Please Lord, no seizure... please Lord, no seizure." She suddenly jerked, her left leg kicked and stiffened and her left arm came up in a clenched fist as her body tensed. The anger and sadness in me battled with the acceptance of this is her life... our life... our reality. The sadness won as I embraced her and spoke words of reassurance to her.

She came out of it and snuggled into me. She tried to talk but her lips and tongue denied her control and left her in mumbles. She's a fighter though... so she mumbled and mumbled until she got out, "What day is it?" The choices are school day, play day and church day. "It's a play day for you precious one." She snuggled in closer and sweetly said, "I had a little seizure." "Yes, yes you did honey... are you ok, does your body feel ok?" "I'm cold... my arms are tingling." So I held her and rubbed her arms for another thirty minutes as she went back into a restoring sleep.

So I am sad today. We'll probably have to increase Keppra tonight. And hopefully we'll start back with number one tonight.

I know I have asked you so many times before... and I ask you again for your prayers for her. Please pray for her seizures to stop, for her mind to open and grow, and for her heart to bloom and be protected. Thank you so much.

My clomid fog has lifted... I am thankful for that. Yesterday was the first day in two weeks that I felt normal and was actually productive! We'll see what I can get done today too!

Rain, Rain, Cleanse Me Today...

What a perfectly wonderful rainy day. Very befitting of my mood. Wonderful reminder of God's provision, His counting of our tears, and His perfect cleansing.

Today, is Abby's last day at school. Her teacher from last years (2)... "Osborne"... is a bit sad... actually very sad. She sees Abby each morning in the hallway on the way to her new class. I am praying for "Osborne"... I love her... we love her.

Today, is Abby's last day of Brain Balance. We are sad we didn't see as much improvement this 12 weeks as we did the first session. Abby is happy to "graduate".

Today, I came home from Bible study and my precious little Dusty had accidents waiting for me around two corners. Poor thing. He'd only done number one this morning in the rain... number two came on my wonderful rug in the study. The first accident I found was in the sunroom with three little spots of sickness... in random formation. My first thought was doom. Then my heart was happy that I had not put him in his kennel... as I usually do. Thinking of him stressed out in that little box with accidents everywhere would have made me cry all day. So I reassured him it was ok as he settled in my lap as I cleaned it up... poor baby. His apology broke my heart.

Today, I will take treats to Abby's class as they say goodbye to her. Today, Don sits at the airport to see if they need him. Today, I am wearing tennis shoes with my gray cords.

Today, we will celebrate with Abby about wonderful changes and accomplishments. Today, I will be prayerful for God's cleansing of my funk... wash it away in the rain.

*Thank you to my precious friend who sent me this photo.

This little face of mine...

I'm gonna let it shine. God is so sweet. He is so very faithful and He is so very active in our lives.

Abby's behavior lately has been trying. My patience has been stetched and my heart just exhausted.

I have been praying... a lot... for God to soften my heart and change my attitude towards to it.

Last night, Abby had a huge emotional breakdown... hmmmm... sound familiar...?

I left her upstairs with her daddy and returned to the dishes and it hit me at the sink.

I have been feeling "off"... in a funk... and have had my own emotional breakdown from a little pill I have been taking two months for 5 days each month. This precious little one is on HIDEOUS amounts of anti-seizure medications daily... and has been for years... and we just had to increase one of them two weeks ago because her seizures were becoming more frequent.

I was overwhelmed with "understanding" and the frustration left and my heart softened in an instant. God is so sweet. God is so faithful. God is so precious to me. I walked upstairs and sat in the hall floor and rocked her and sang to her until she was done with her "little moment".

If this is the only reason I have been taking Clomid for two months... it's so very worth it.

Where's Your Smile Miss Grumpy Pants?

I am in a funk again. I am wondering if it's a Clomid induced funk or just perpetual grumpiness. I don't like being grumpy and that makes me even grumpier.

This past weekend, my husband took the family up North for a football game and some camping adventures. The football game was fun (my uncle Bob's team totally rocks... North Hall) and seeing family was very nice. But Saturday, I fell apart.

Camping is something we REALLY love to do and part of the experience is being OUT in the woods and QUIET time and NATURE and stuff. The first camp ground we came to was full. That was fine by me because it was also full of campers and right on the road... who puts a camp ground RIGHT ON THE ROAD?

So we continued driving trying to find another one, not knowing if it too would be full. We went through the WONDERFUL area around Lake Raburn but I was stewing. What if we got there and it was full and we ended up spending the entire day in the car and had to pitch camp in the dark (as we have had to before) and then just get up the next day and leave. The GRUMPINESS overtook me.

We came to the next camp ground and started driving through. To make a long story shorter, there were two spots... one of which someone was sitting in to "hold" it while his car person drove around looking for another spot. It was a bad spot. It was up on a little hill overlooking a parking area for the trails and had no good trees. "I'm glad that spot is taken," I thought to myself. As we pulled around to try and get back to the OTHER spot I was overcome with panic it would be gone. As we came up to it, Mr. Save my spot was there with his car friend! We'd been dupped... had... and now the ONLY spot left was the BAD spot. As we came up to it and it was still available, the tears started flowing. I was overcome with disappointment and anger and exhaustion. My tears caught my poor husband off guard and he could not even understand why I was crying. I really wasn't sure why I was crying but I couldn't stop it. The more I tried to stop crying, the harder the knot in my throat got and I just broke like a dam under pressure.

"We have no options. We can't leave this spot and drive for who knows how long to find another camp ground that might also be full and this one is right on top of cars and it's not even in the woods and it's just horrible and this is what it has to be and....." It was really sad. Then my precious daughter came over to me and said, "It's ok mom... it's a good place... get out and come see... here, I'll help you." Oh... the sadness.

I asked my husband just to give me time to be sad and have my moment... and he did. He gave me some space and started putting up our tent as I sat at the table and watched 100 kids run up and down the road... and cried. OK, it was really just about 8 or so... but I so wanted and needed quiet. After a while, my moment was all spent and we went for a hike. Being in the "real" woods helped. But what really helped was my husband. He let me have a sad little moment and he loved me anyway... right through it. He gave me space and he didn't get on me about messed up priorities and stuff... he just loved me anyway. And that was the best part of our trip.

So anyway, I am sad. Not really sure why. I think I am overwhelmed. I know I am very tired. Sleeping with Abby to monitor seizures doesn't really give me much good sleep as I "sleep" with one ear open and jump at her every wheeze. Hopefully my smile will come back soon... for I really do have much to smile about.

Waiting for Evie

As we continue to walk forward in faith along our journey of life, our thoughts are often with Evie.

Evie is the little one we hope to adopt. We are in the waiting process of adopting a toddler. Evie is the name we call her as we pray for her daily and have for years now.

Abby asks about Evie everyday. We thought we were going to get our "Evie" and so we changed my jewelry studio room into her bedroom in one day. But things changed and Evie didn't come. We told Abby that God is looking to find Evie and will bring her to us when He is ready and when she is ready.

So everyday, Abby takes things of hers to Evie's room and gives them to her. These are some of her socks she has given to Evie along with some toys she placed right in the doorway so Evie could immediately see she had some toys. There is a pile of hair barretts, stuffed animals, purses, belts, ribbons, and the much needed pull ups. It just makes me smile... just like my Q-tips.

We do not know what God has in store for us. Whether Evie will come through a pregnancy or through the miracle of adoption. But we do believe with all our hearts we have a place for her and it is in God's plan for her to be a part of our family. And so we wait and pray... and fill her room with wonderful little things of love.

I love you...

As we bend our lifestyle to bend with changing times, as we move in the wind and wait for life changes with faith and uncertainty, as we allow ourselves to be molded and stretched in the Potter's Hands, as we search and strive to be the people God has created us to be... I am reminded how much I love you... my husband... my companion... my friend... my so much more... Thank you for loving me... even when I have been unlovable.

Fabulous Fall Day on the Farm

Cool Breezes, Hay, Animals, Pumpkins, Tractors, Pony Rides, Barns, Trail Hike, Hay Ride, Picnic Lunch, Crafts, and Family... perfect!

I am not sure who had more fun today... me or Abby.

I could have stayed and played with the goats and llamas all day. One precious llama became my friend and gave me kisses and secrets. I'm ready to live on a farm.

I know I have said this before... but this time of year brings me so much joy. The day is captured in our slide show to the left!