Be Specific

As we come to a close on our 7 day walk of prayer for Abby, I want to thank you all again for your love and your encouragement and your steadfastness in praying for Abby. I also want to thank you for your love of the Lord and your trust in Him to hear your prayers.

I wanted to share some specific requests today. It's a "laundry list" prayer! I pray for God's will and the strength and faith to accept it but then I also offer my laundry list! So here is my laundry list for this week. I am tired. It's been a very hard two weeks and I am ready for some rest. Next week, I will have fun things to share! It's time to lighten things up a bit!

1. Abby's healing. This includes her having energy and not having any more seizures. And for her mind to opened to allow her to learn and process better.
2. Abby's heart as she deals with the frustrations that grow as her developmental delays increase the gap between her and her peers with each passing day.
3. For a friend. I was heart broken to see her walking the loop at school by herself as her classmates were all in little groups. I stood by my car, after having lunch with her, and just cried as she walked around and around by herself. I am "coaching" her on how to ask two girls specifically to sit by her at lunch and walk and play with her. She asked them yesterday and they said sure! She beamed as she told me she sat by them at lunch and walked the loop with them. Pray for those little relationships to grow and to be protected.
4. For protection from dark spirits who wish to harm her. For protection from dark spirits who want to harm us as her parents and hurt our family.
5. For our guidance as we struggle with decisions that affect her health and her quality of life.
6. For her doctors to be touched by the hand of God and given wisdom in how to best help her.
7. For her to grow in her knowledge and understanding that she is in the hands of her precious and loving creator and that He has a plan for her and loves her with depth she can never truly grasp.
8. For friends to come along side us and encourage, support, and love us as we continue to walk this journey with her.
9. For God to work mighty in this speech therapy issue.

THANK YOU. THANK YOU is just not enough... but THANK YOU. I LOVE YOU. Have a great weekend.

Breakdown

So today I have had three major breakdowns. They have been a long time comin... a girl can only hold it together for so long.

The first one was this morning when my heart was greatly attacked. As I mentioned yesterday, it is all out war and the prince of darkness hit me hard in yet another deep part of my heart today.

As I sobbed by the side of the tub as Marc took his morning bath... Dusty first came to my side and started licking my face. Oh the heart of my precious dog is such a precious gift from God. Then... Marc started mimicking me... making sobbing sounds in the tub and then laughing... And as quickly as the flood gates had opened... the Lord turned my tears into hysterical laughter.

The second breakdown came at the McDonalds drive through window as I ordered two apple juices, a medium fry, and a iced mocha. Abby's heart, that had not been so nice, just melted and she reached out her hand to me. Her eyes gave me such love... it was a sweet gift.

Then in Publix, just 45 minutes later, Fly Boy called to tell me the insurance company called to say they were not going to cover the speech therapist for Abby that God so graciously brought to our attention. I said some very, very choice words, hung up, and started bawling like a baby next to the siran wrap. Children were walking by and looking at me for goodness sake. The poor cashier was praying for me as she scanned my items, the bagger gave me a hug and told me she loved me, then another customer followed me to the parking lot to ask me if I was ok.

As I sat in my car, really noticing that I had just fallen to pieces in the middle of the grocery store, I just had to laugh. Then when I got home and opened the mail box, the sweetest and most loving card was waiting for me... even with a hand drawn picture of me with my hair falling out! (it's been falling out in massive quantities for a month now) It was priceless and I laughed so hard.

So today, as you pray, look and see where God has spoken to you today, where He has encouraged you today, where He has loved you today... even if you had a breakdown on isle 7. And then thank Him.

Happy Birthday Mom.

These flowers are from your backyard. I took them in June to give to you now.

The rock is my favorite one in your backyard... I filled it with love before I left... you can go get it now.

And Brutie says Happy Birthday too.

Have a blessed day with dad today.

I love you.

It is NOTHING less than an all out WAR.

I took this photo the other day as this amazing storm was rolling in. I LOVE storms and am so captivated by their power, their energy, and their resolve. To me, they symbolize a part of God's personality.

So tonight's post will be deep, but necessary and my prayer is that it will open the eyes... awaken an awareness... in at least just one of my readers, my prayer warriors! And God is faithful and so I am confident He will speak to one... at least just one.

Paul tells us to put on the "full armor of God". "Put on the full armor of God so that you can take your stand against the devil's schemes. For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms." Ephesians 6: 12, 13~

Now ponder that. Armor. Think of armor and think of how and when it was used and why. Now think of what we are taking a stand against... powers and authorities of darkness... dark forces of evil in the spiritual realm. It sounds like sci-fi movie but the reality is... it is our DAILY LIFE!

As I went through Beth Moore's Bible study, "Daniel" a couple years ago... one chapter spoke to me in the depths of my soul as never before. I LOVE it when the Holy Spirit opens your mind to understanding the word in HIS timing and gives you something to grow upon!

Chapter 10 is my chapter in Daniel. Daniel has prayed a prayer of petition to the Lord and is waiting and waiting and waiting for God's guidance, answer, affirmation... something! The angel, Gabriel, has come to him in the previous chapter to "give you insight and understanding". "As soon as you began to pray, an answer was given..." he says to Daniel. (Oh how I wish it was like that today!)

In the beginning of chapter 10, Daniel mourns for three weeks. He is troubled about what is going on. (I'll spare you details but please do go read!) During this time he eats no choice meats, has no wine and used no lotion (kinda like us not bathing for three weeks I'd think). He is fasting certain things.

An angel appears to Daniel again and this is what he says: "Do not be afraid, Daniel. Since the first day you set your mind to gain understanding and to humble yourself before your God, your words were heard and I have come in response to them. But the prince of the Persian kingdom resisted me twenty-one days. Then Michael, one of the chief princes, came to help me, because I was detained there with the king of Persia." 10:12,13~ He goes on to say that he has to return to fight the prince of Persia and then the prince of Greece... and that Michael is the only one who supports him against them! vs. 20, 21~

Read that again. Do you see what God has shown us... just on a side note in the book of Daniel!
Daniel set his mind to understanding God and was in prayer... on the first day... God had an answer and sent an angel to deliver the message and the ANGEL WAS TIED UP FIGHTING A PRINCE OF DARKNESS FOR THREE WEEKS! Meanwhile, Daniel is fasting and mourning during that three weeks. THEN... THEN... THEN MICHAEL (another angel... a high ranking angel... a powerful angel) comes to the scene to TAG TEAM AND FIGHTS THE DARK FORCE WHILE ANGEL #1 FINALLY GOES TO GIVE DANIEL THE MESSAGE! AND THEN THE ANGEL BASICALLY SAYS: Got to go back and fight some more now... bye.

I don't know about you but the scales from my eyes were removed and the reality of spiritual warfare FOR OUR HEARTS... FOR OUR JOY... FOR OUR TESTIMONY... FOR OUR FAMILIES AND MARRIAGES... FOR OUR PHYSICAL LIVES became as clear to me as the dark clouds rolling in on me in the above photo. And the battle is fierce for believers because he can't have our souls... the prince of darkness can not have our soul for GOD has already won that battle... so he wants EVERYTHING ELSE.

Now... put on the full armor of God. Ephesians goes on to tell us, piece by piece, what that armor is. Read it, meditate on it.

In addition, the best book I have read on this subject is, Waking the Dead, by John Eldridge. Here are some quotes from his book.
"Satan and his emissaries bank an awful lot of their work on the fact that Christians don't know the power and authority we now have in Christ. When we begin to exercise that fierce mastery; everything begins to change." pg. 178
"We are commanded to resist the devil, and he will flee from you (James 4:7). We are told, "Your enemy prowls around like a roaring lion looking for whom he can devour. Resist him" (1 Peter 5: 8,9). pg. 168
"That means that right now, on this earth, there are hundreds of thousands , if not millions, of fallen angles,foul spirits, bent on our destruction." pg. 151

I could go on and on... but I won't. Simply put, we are in the middle of a fierce battle right now with Abby. My marriage is better than it has ever been and I give God the glory for what HE has done in my marriage. We have been given a precious son in God's time, in His way, and continue to seek him in aspects of it... and we give God the glory. We give him the glory and praise for how well Marc is doing... for how he seemed to be waiting for us and has not skipped a beat. We are feeling a stirring in our hearts to do more for the kingdom of God and make our lives a little bit less about ourselves... we are seeking God in this stirring and waiting. We have joined other fellow believers in starting another church we feel is focused on what God wants the church to be focused on and we are being blessed in huge amounts... we have grown from 40 to 200 in less than 5 months... and we give God the glory... and we continue to seek Him. AND THE PRINCE OF DARKNESS IS LIVID!!!!!!!!! And so he hits me where he knows it hurts... where he knows he can take my breath away, where he can damage my heart and steal my joy in just one moment as I watch my precious gift from God lie there and have a seizure. Oh he knows... and he is attacking us, me, her with everything he has.

And so I stand, I call upon my precious sisters and brothers in Christ to stand with me in prayer to denounce his attack and claim the power and authority of Christ who lives in us! And this week I will fast and set my mind to understanding... confessing my sins... searching my heart... and submitting to my Saviour. And I will continue to praise my Lord.

Please be bold in your prayers today... call upon God's power and claim Abby's healing and restoration. THANK YOU. Oh how I love you and am so thankful for you.

*Abby has mitochondrial disease. You can google it for more information.

Always giving praise for the blessings...

Happy Monday to you. Today's entry will be short as I am tackling life with energy today! Yeah! What sleep can do for you... amazes me every time I get some!

Abby didn't have a seizure this morning. Praise. She was VERY cranky though.

I am devoting this week's entries to prayer. And I want to thank you all again for your precious comments and emails with gifts of prayer for her! It fills me.

The above picture was in 2004 when we still didn't know what was wrong with Abby. She was having a great number of seizures each day and this was at the beginning of her great decline.

I posted it to give you a "reference" from which to Praise God today for what He has done and continues to do for Abby!

The middle picture is when Abby had lost the ability to walk, pretty much lost facial expression and was drooling... it was the beginning of our darkest days. Walking through life at that point was like sleep walking in a dream... a bad dream. This picture was taken at a B&B where my family gathered to celebrate my mother's 50th birthday.

And lastly, the top picture is Abby today. Yes, she is still having seizures. Yes, she is very developmentally delayed. But she walks, talks, laughs, swims, plays, runs, and has come further than I would have ever imagined she could have in those days. PRAISE Him for great and bountiful blessings!!!!

So in your prayers for her today... remember to praise Him in the midst of petition! Thank you!!!! Love and Hugs... Big Hugs!

Prayers of a Psalm

I turn to the book of Psalm often when I want to pray God's word. As I mentioned in an earlier post, I pray many different ways. I love to find a quiet place in nature and just start talking to God. That is one of my favorite ways to pray. Another favorite is my daily conversing prayers like, "Thank you Lord the juice is on sale... you are so cool to provide that blessing," or "Please watch over Abby today at school and open her mind for learning and give her the ability to converse with her peers," or "Thank you for the encouragement you so sweetly gave me through that friend... you rock!" The later prayers are always very quick and simple and I strive to offer at least 10 plus up to Him a day.

But my absolute favorite way to pray is to pray God's written word back to Him. I feel the Holy Spirit stir inside me when I pray this way and I feel power and hope as I offer back to the Lord of Lords the very words He inspired. My favorite place to find these "prayers" is the book of Psalm. When I want to offer praise... my options runneth over!

"Praise the Lord, O my soul: all my inmost being, praise His holy name. Praise the Lord, O my soul, and forget not all his benefits--- who forgives all your sins and heals your diseases, who redeems your life from the pit and crowns you with love and compassion, who satisfies your desires with good things so that your youth is renewed like the eagle's." Psalm 103: 1-5~

"Give thanks to the Lord, call on His name; make known among the nations what He has done." Psalm 105: 1~

But this is where I also go when I am feeling desperate... overwhelmed... and simply exhausted from praying the same prayer every night after night after night. I find comfort in speaking words of David and other psalmists who cried out to the Lord.

And I am feeling overwhelmed. As Abby grows in an age number, she is not growing developmentally and it becomes harder and harder to... accept, adapt to, manage, help... watch.

I believe so strongly in the power of God. I believe with all my heart and soul that He heals today just as He did in biblical days. The scripture says that the power of God that Christ used to raise the dead is "available" to us as believers today. "Available" is the key word. It is the word that leaves me longing for wisdom. What does that "really" mean. Do I need something more? I am lacking something? Faith? Obedience? Endurance? Knowledge?

Then I take a breath... gather my thoughts... and remember... God can heal Abby anytime, any way, and any how and it can have NOTHING to do with me. It is not by my works that God will decide whether or not to heal Abby. Although there are several accounts where Jesus was moved to heal a child when He saw the parent's faith. But there were other times He did it simply to glorify the Lord God. It had nothing to do with the one being healed or his parents. BUT He does desire our prayers, hears them, answers them (according to His will), and can be moved by them.

So these are the thoughts that roll around in my brain as I pray and pray and pray over and for my child. And as I try and sleep! Even though Abby has not been healed, she has been restored from the brink of death and I remain thankful for that every day. And even though she has not been healed, my prayer life is one of such that I doubt I'd have if it were not for her illness... and that is a blessing amidst the darkness.

And so I continue to pray and I have been moved to ask you to pray and I am moved by your sweet offerings to do so and I believe in my heart that you are. That, in itself, offers me strength and hope... and makes me not feel so alone. Thank you.

As you continue to pray this week, I will offer ideas about prayer as well as requests. For now, I'll share some of my favorite prayers of cries for help in case you want to read over them and offer them back to God on her behalf. Thank you... again... so very much.

"Hear my prayer, O Lord: let my cry for help come to you. Do not hide your face from me when I am in distress, Turn your ear to me; when I call, answer me quickly." Psalm 102: 1,2~

"O Lord, I call to you: come quickly to me, Hear my voice when I call to you. May my prayer be set before you like incense; may the lifting of my hands be like the evening sacrifice." Psalm 141: 1,2~

"I cry aloud to the Lord; I lift up my voice to the Lord for mercy. I pour out complaint before him; before him I tell my trouble. When my spirit grows faint within me, it is you who know my way." Psalm 142: 1-3~

"O Lord, hear my prayer, listen to my cry for mercy; in your faithfulness and righteousness come to my relief (Abby's relief). Do not bring your servant into judgment, for no one living is righteous before you." Psalm 143: 1,2~

Amen~

Be Authentic

Thank you Michelle. I do not know you. But God, once again, has given back to me by sending me someone through this blog. He has done that SO many times... He continues to amaze and move me.

Michelle commented on my last post. Had she not, I would have not known that this sweet woman I do not know is praying for my daughter. And I would not have gone to her blog. I would not have "met" her and I would not have been introduced to Brene Brown through her blog and I would not have been blessed by Brene's "I Choose Authenticity" post!

And the amazing thing is, I was feeling a bit "guilty" for my last post... sharing my frustration about hurt from friends who just don't seem to get it. And there it was... my confirmation that being real is what I strive to do... and that includes sharing a "bad" moment with people who love me and call me "Friend"... along with the blessing of a new "friend".

And I thank all of you who posted... Erin, Jules, Donna (another blog friend who has become so much more), Michelle and Brittany... thank you for your gift of prayer. I love you... even on my bad days and in my bad moments!!

The above is from Brene... her words do it best... and I challenge you... be authentic! Why waste your time being anything else?

Abby Update

We live with Abby's disease on a daily basis. Some days are bad. Some days are good. Some days are ok. And some days are great. We try so very hard not to let Abby's disease rule our lives. We have been there... and we can't stay there. So we try, strive, and pray to see Abby and love Abby and grow Abby outside of her disease. We don't ignore it by any means... but we focus on all the positive things... moments... achievements... and blessings.

So having said all that, Abby's seizures are not the topic of daily conversation. It sometimes catches me off guard when a friend, closer friend, seems surprised when we talk about Abby's seizures... "She's still having them?" YES. Abby still has seizures. I honestly feel like some don't ask anymore because they don't want to hear it anymore. But that's where we live, every day, with Abby's disease.

Abby had a seizure yesterday that was the longest one she has had in a while. She has been having two a week for over a month now. It is so hard to be with her and watch. I talk to her. I try to "snap" her out of it by calling her name... asking her to try and look at me (and sometimes she does) and so I know she hears me. But other than that, I just have to watch. And when they are long... part of me is damaged too.

Abby had another seizure this morning as I was trying to wake her up for school. It was the first time she's had one two days in a row in a long time too. It was heart breaking. At first I was in denial for about three seconds (as if that would make it not be so) and then acceptance arrived, followed by sadness, followed by deep disappointment with God, followed by resolve, followed by Praise. The emotional roller coaster is tough.

So we are asking for prayers. And I have to tell you how thankful I am that you do pray. I do not take prayer for granted. I do not under estimate it's power in the least. God has made me a believer and I am so thankful for that. Don and I pray with Abby each night, over her each night, and for her each night. I pray powerful "authority" prayers, humble begging prayers, tearful prayers, angry prayers... you name it... it's offered up.

Please pray for her daily. I am asking that you do something to remind you to pray for her. I know so many need prayer and there are so many things to pray for. But if you could pray for her daily for seven days, I would appreciate it so very much. You can put her name on your fridge, write it in eyeliner on your bathroom mirror, tie a ribbon for her on your steering wheel... just something to remind you to lift her up... we are praying for God to be audacious. We are praying for healing. We are praying for guidance. We are praying for a miracle. We are praying for patience, knowledge, wisdom, hope, strength, endurance, energy, balance, and peace.

Thank you. I love you so much. Hugs.

Gettin Jiggy With It

I have lost all motivation to keep moving forward with the house stuff. Sooooo... I took a break and made some stuff. Whenever I am feeling in a funk... creating always makes me feel better. On top of being EXHAUSTED (way badly... had some tests done today), my hair falling out in MASSIVE quantity, every electronic we own breaking... our computer crashed.

So yesterday we had a great guy come out who fixed it and fixed my lap top. However, Fly Boy slicked the hard drive, yet again, to try and fix it himself and so I lost my photo editing software... again. Hopefully, I'll find it soon to reload it but until then... unedited photos alert!

Here are some random photos of my creating craze. I am feeling better and put the sewing machine away and am tackling the homestead again. Before and after pictures will be here soon. Hope you are having a great week. Hugs.

I am LOVING these fabric flower pins! I have already mailed one as a gift and another is to be mailed soon... hmmmmmm... and I also made two for Abby (one on a pony tail rubber band) and she wears them everyday!

This is a bag I had monogrammed for my business way back when! When I sold my business, I kept it to "repurpose" since the blog address was old and she couldn't use it.

Here it is now! It's now a very cute (If I can say so) diaper bag for the little man! I used an old shower curtain for the main piece of striped fabric and just sewed it across the monogram and added the bling! Notice the silver "pig" button! AND since I can't edit it... you can't read the little button beads, but they say, "Marc Parker".

When we were in the adoption process, I bought these vintage cards on etsy. I wanted to use them in the nursery or room. They are little cards with "Master Lion" and "Mr. Camel" on them and such. I finally got them out, went through my scrapbooking paper and found this adorable paper and taped them on with double sided scrapbooking tape. I put them in a frame I already had and it's now one of the highlights of Marc's room... I love it!

Next up are these adorable and colorful pillows I made to go on the bench in my kitchen window. Look familiar Shelley? I brought this bench in from our outdoor patio set to sit in the bay window in the kitchen behind the table. It needed some pillows. So I took one of the pillowcases I got from my wonderful friend Shelley's yard sale ( 2 for 50 cents). I restitched it to make it smaller and cut off one end and stuffed it with stuffing from Dusty's old dog bed (that I also cut and resewed into a smaller version since he'd chewed the edges). Then I took the end that I cut off and added it to some linen fabric that had been the liner to a big basket I bought for Marc's toys. I added the button, stuffed and sewed it up and now they are the cutest bench pillows ever!

I was playing Barbies with Abby the other night and was just disgusted with half her Barbie clothes and so I made a skirt for one of them. More clothes to come in the near future! Yes, she has on one tennis shoe and one boot... there are no matching little Barbie shoes in this house!

And last, but no least, I finally found lamp shades for these amazing vintage lamps my mother gave me for my birthday! I didn't make anything here... just HUNTED for months and then HUNTED for the coupons to save me $$$ on them. I have two lamps, needed two shades, and two coupons. The store took an outdated coupon with the new one and let me use them both at one time! I have one lamp in the living room and one in my bedroom... I totally LOVE them! Thank you Mother!!!!!!

Creek Adventures

I took the kids to the creek behind our house for a photo shoot this morning. We had a blast (some of us more than others)! It was a surprise for Abby who loves to "hike" on trails and be in outdoor settings like that. When we got there she was super excited... I was too!

She loves to be the line leader... and often asks me to sing, "Following the leader". So she quickly took her place and led the way.

It was the perfect morning. I left the dishes on the counter and the beds unmade! There is something that rises up in me when I am out in nature... it's primal, alive, and passionate... I love the way it feels. The creek was wonderful and since we have had a decent amount of rain, there were plenty of spots to play in where I could watch them and photograph them at the same time since Fly Boy is on a trip.

Abby was a bit in disbelief when I told her to jump in and get wet and start playing... in her clothes. It took her a minute to let herself go. It was funny. "In my clothes, Mommy?" "Are you sure?" Before really getting wet, she looked back just to be sure I was still ok with it!

She still wasn't too sure but sat down, I was cracking up at how stiff she was! "Get in there Abby... really... get wet!" She just giggled and that was that! She was ready. And I got some great shots.

So Abby wanted to take a picture of me. I had been in the water shooting her and she kept wanting me to get wet and play with her. So I carefully sat her on a rock, gave her the camera, and instructed her not to move her bottom! She took the picture and I was back out... and then back in with the camera for some more shots.

Why is Abby laughing so hard, you ask?

Because Mommy fell in... and I mean all the way in! As I felt my feet slip on some slime, I knew I was going down hard... so I held the camera as high above my head as possible (go go gadget arms) and fell like a ton of rocks. When I came up, Abby was laughing so hard she couldn't breath and I was thanking the Lord for saving my camera! Then I was bummin hard because my white skirt was now brown and green! Buster Brown was watching in disbelief from the sidelines.

Speaking of Buster Brown... he took it slow, backed his way in, had fun for about ten minutes and then was over it. That was another bummer but at least I got a few shots before his meltdown (included for your benefit).

Feeling Tired.
Drying on the warmth of the rock. And heading home to do laundry! Be blessed. I must refocus and try and get my home in order. It is being neglected... but for the good stuff!

P.S. This is what I looked like when we got home! So sad!