It's called five minute Fridays and she gives a word to prompt us (her twitter/allume/blogger friends) to write. No editing... no pondering... no rewrites... just flow. Today's word is "again"... and I can write on that with ease today... and so here it is...
GO
Again.
Again, I am faced with my daughter's fight for life. As she shakes violently in my bed, eyes rolled back, every muscle tightened beyond belief... I face the seizure twisting her face and choking her breath and stirring that wad of emotion I keep buried inside.
Again, I take her in my arms and proclaim the name of Jesus over her. Again, and again, and again. Until it stops. Again, I fight back tears and anger and rage and embrace the promises of the One who created her. Again, I wonder how long it will last. Again, my mom's heart takes the punch full throttle and tries to remember this is our normal.
Again, I soothe her back to sleep and pray for the Lord's strength, guidance, and hope. Again, I call the neurologist to report this new ugly seizure. Again, I ask questions and again, get little unclear answers.
Again, I cling to Isaiah 43 and again, I remind myself He loves her more than I. Again, I wait to see how she will be when she awakes. Again, she starts her day in strength and again, I am amazed.
Again, I remember we once lost her and again, I praise the Lord for so many days with her.
Again, I walk through my day looking like any other mother.
Again, I am not really like any other mother.
Again, we have dinner and I realize we made it through another day. Again, I sleep with her to see if she has another one.
Again, God is sweet and covers her with peace. And again, we start our count at ONE... one day seizure free.
Again, I am amazed my friends do not tire of our request for prayers. Again, I am blown away by their love and the love of strangers. Again, she pulls people into the throne room to meet with God. Again, I am humbled... overcome with thanksgiving.
Again, I sing praises to the One who created her and shares her with me.
Again... we start again.
STOP.
Stopping in from Five Minute Friday and sitting at my desk with tears pouring down my face. This was one of the most beautiful posts I have ever read. God bless you real good.
ReplyDeleteThank you so much. His mercy and the opportunity for again is beautiful. Blessings back at you!
DeletePowerful words, "...and again, we start our count at one, one day..." We have a similar situation, beginning again and again, hoping that this will be the beginning of a long count of days. And then we start counting again...Thank you for sharing your heart and your family's needs. I will pray for you and Abby. Thank you, Dawn.
ReplyDeleteThank you, Maureen. Every prayer for her is an offering in the Father's ears... I can not thank you enough. I am humbled... so humbled... by prayers of people I have yet to meet. Thank you.
DeleteI always wish I had more to offer you when times get hard like this. But I will do all that I can do, and that is pray. And that's enough. :) Love you! -Jennifer
ReplyDeletePraying is NOT a small thing. It is mighty. And I can not stress enough how much prayers mean to me... and how God's power moves through them... each and every one. Thank you Jennifer... thank you.
DeleteAlso, a song came to my mind as I read your post. If you get a chance, look up "You Reign" by Prestonwood Choir on Youtube. I really think it will bless your heart today. -Jennifer
ReplyDeleteSweet. Sweet is His mercy. And yes, it has stolen my heart... sustains it and lifts it from the pit of sorrow. Thank you for sharing such a song of worship to the One who has mercy to give me "again" with her. Thank you. Sending you a cyber hug.
DeleteHow heart wrenching. I will be praying. I know God is able to bring healing!
ReplyDeleteThank you Barbie. I, too, KNOW He is able. Sometime that is what makes it all the harder... to accept her struggle. My faith is stretched beyond myself as I walk this journey with her. He has already brought her so far. That is what I hold to. That is the gift. THANK YOU for your prayers... so so much.
DeleteDawn, my heart was told, "ask Dawn if she's been abiding and check in"... so I decided to check your blog first. I am so sorry this is a common "again" in your family's life, my heart aches and my stomach just drops when I read about these episodes. AT the same time, I LOVE what you wrote, "Again, she brings people into the throne room to meet with Him". It's so true. What AMAZING purpose and value her life has. Keep those "eternal eyes" on friend and look forward to the day that you get to sit with Jesus and let him show you just how many people's lives have been eternally changed by Abby. Love you and Abby, hugs hugs hugs and many prayers. ~Kim
ReplyDeleteYour words always wrap around my heart in the sweetest hug. They bless me so. Thank you. Thank you for listening to yours and reaching out to touch mine. I embrace them. And I am strengthened in them. Thank you. Thank you for your prayers and oh so much for your friendship.
DeleteI thought of you often yesterday ... prayed for you and Abby. Thankful for you and for grace....
ReplyDelete~LeighAnn
I thought of you too, friend. And your new "normal". We need to connect. We NEED to connect. Thank you for your prayers and so much for your sweet encouragement and friendship. It blesses me. :0)
DeleteThanks for sharing.
ReplyDelete