I wish I could be all “holy” and say the first thing I did
on my little retreat was hit my knees and jump into prayer, but I can’t. My first desire was to snuggle down to a good
chick flick. I knew I needed what I
sometimes refer to as “brain candy”. I
needed to decompress and just have some moments of little thought sprinkled
with laughter. So I sat down with my
catfish comfort food and popped in
“Two Weeks Notice” with Sandra Bullock and
Hugh Grant.
It didn’t take long before I realized something that I had
not really noticed before. Lucy
(Bullock) was me to the next degree. In
the opening scenes of the movie, she is lying on a yoga mat in protest of a
historical building being torn down by a progress pushing - money hungry - powerful
company. I smiled inside. “She is me,” I thought. She is what I so want to be in so many ways…
she does what I think about doing in my head.
I like her. No wonder I love that
movie.
Well there went my hope of thoughtlessly watching a
movie! Everything she continued to do
went right along with things I WANT to do and I just continued to laugh at the
whole thought of it.
There was a large plot of land for sale right outside our
neighborhood. It was for sale for a long
time. It was wooded and bordered a
hidden little nature area that many people in our city don’t even know
about. It was the home to many deer who
often stepped outside the wooded area to eat and lay in the sun. And every time I saw that for sale sign and
the word “Commercial” written on it, I would just fill with anger. I wanted to stand on that property with a
sign and declare that we did not need another nail salon, another frozen yogurt
attempt, another restaurant, or even worse…
another strip mall that sits ¾ empty for years!
I often had thoughts of going out at night and tearing the
sign down… or spray painting on it, “Let the deer live here and GO AWAY!” Thoughts of getting caught and nasty mug shots on facebook kept me away from that one! Or gathering like-minded friends and
protesting with big signs. We could make our pleas on sheets and hold them up during rush out traffic. How fun would that be? But that is
where it stayed. In my head. Lucy would have done those things… all of
them. Hmmmmm. Again… I like her.
And then, not too long ago, we saw trees being torn down by
bulldozers. My heart sank and I was yet
again filled with anger and disgust. And
then we were told what was going to be built there… a gas station. Mercy.
Really? A gas station! I went postal inside. I imagined all the birds and squirrels and
chipmunks and deer whose homes were being thoughtlessly destroyed and just
wanted to go right up to those machines and kick them! I know.
That would have sent them running!
“Halt this needless, wasteful, and destructive operation,” would have
just rolled off the contractor’s tongue
for sure after such an act of protest!
Later in the movie, Lucy went on to show me up even more when
she confronts Grant’s character outside his work place. She confronts him about his plans to tear
down the community center and tries to make a deal with him to save it. He asks her to get in the car and asks to hire her! I laughed again. How many times have I thought about stalking
Gary Kelly (CEO of Southwest Airlines) and confronting him about the way he/his
company is treating the AirTran pilots in this merger. I have visualized myself walking up to him in
an airport somewhere and presenting my thoughts in the most loving manner possible... with homemade cookies, even! Lucy would do that. Yep. She would.
And then he would probably hire her and “One Love” (Southwest’s merger
campaign slogan) would finally become a reality. And that corner of the world would be a
better place where everyone received a free pair of rose colored glasses and lived happily ever after!
But I soon realized something else. God was not mentioned. Prayer was never offered. His will never consulted. And there was my revelation… Lucy relies on herself. There is one part in the movie where she
doesn’t want to try anymore. And yet
again, Lucy and I are alike. That was
the very reason I was sitting there, in that moment, on that sofa, alone on my little retreat…
because I didn’t want to try anymore. I
was feeling defeated… just like her. I
was eating catfish and she was ordering a crazy amount of Chinese food!
Parenting… marriage... balancing attempts… trying & failing…
seeking… battling the enemy… it had all pushed me to throw my hands up in
defeat. I was tired. I was not “seeing” progress… I
was not “seeing” fruit from my labor… and yet that was it… “my”. I was relying way too much on “myself”.
I looked through a notebook I have of notes… notes on all kinds of things. And I found a statement from a book, “Marriage, The Journey.” I must have checked it out from the
library. But the statement had stars all
around it and so it caught my attention.
“If you are disappointed in yourself, then you must have been believing
in yourself.”
There it was… the basis of my wanting to give up… the
foundation of my depletion… the root of my problem. My eyes were on myself instead of on the One
who can deliver me from all snares, fill with me His strength, whisper to me
His wisdom, guide me with His hand, shelter me from the arrows of the enemy,
and clothe me in armor and righteousness.
As the movie ended, I smiled again. I love the ending. She gets the guy, the guy gets free of his bondage, the community center gets saved, and she gets to order Chinese food for two.
I love Lucy.
I love her passion for all things right.
I love her passion for taking a stand or lying on a mat! I love her desire to help the underdog and
protest against the often destructive greedy machine of progress. And I love that she ever so sweetly
represents my greatest need… my need for Him.
My need for the Lord. She represents my passion and longing for all things right... and my need for the ONE who can make it all right... I CAN NOT.
As I thought about the above quote, it made me think of the
story of Peter walking on the water towards Jesus in Matthew 14. As Jesus comes to them in the midst of a
storm, Peter doubts who He is. He asks
Jesus that if it is indeed Him, for Jesus to command him to come. Jesus responds with, “Come.” Peter starts walking towards Him… on the
water. And then, Peter seems to take
notice of what is going on around him… a storm.
The scripture in verse 30 says, “But when he saw that the wind was
boisterous, he was afraid; and beginning to sink he cried out saying ‘Lord save
me!’”
The wind’s power, fear, and lack of trust are what caused
Peter to doubt the Lord again. Peter is
walking on water. That seems like a
pretty powerful thing… something that would build my faith! (or would it?) And yet the power of circumstances around him
proves more powerful… causes him to doubt Jesus again in the midst of something
amazing… in the midst of a miracle.
I am not just like Lucy… I am also like Peter. I am smacked, again, with this
scripture.
And Jesus responds by “immediately” stretching out His hand
and catching Peter. But Jesus follows
with a rebuke. “Oh you of little faith,
why did you doubt?” (31)
That rebuke rang loud in my ears and pierced my heart. Those words for Peter are words for me.
Oh me of little faith, why do I doubt? Again. And again?
And that sent me into a word study the next day for hours on
“faith”. As God revealed His word and as
I sought Him, He answered and refilled and restored and renewed. My faith has been being attacked. My faith has been being tested. My faith has been being stretched. My faith will be increased!
I look forward to sharing some little sweet nuggets on faith
with you soon.
Are you doubting God?
Are you doubting His word… His presence… His promises… His power?
We are all like Peter sometimes. We are all human and we still battle the
flesh… the flesh that tells us, moves us, and tempts us to act and move in our
own power… in our own strength… in our own way.
And yet Jesus is the way... the only way… and His way is
best.
If we could only remember that and walk in that truth
daily. If we could only get our eyes off ourselves and onto and stayed on Him! Let’s try. Together.
I think it leads to abiding.
And I know it leads to intimacy with Him and transformation. There really is nothing better than that.
I encourage you to claim at least two promises that will
help you remember to trust in the Lord, to lean on Him, to wait for Him, and rely
on Him. Write them down and put them in
your car, on your fridge and on your bathroom mirror. Let them become the words that echo in your
mind, heart, and soul. You will be
amazed and encouraged by the peace and joy that comes from His word covering
you and your day.
If you aren’t sure where to go in His word to look for
promises… the book of Psalm is a great starting place. The book of Romans is another treasure box!
“Trust in the LORD with ALL your heart and lean not on your
own understanding; In ALL your ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct your
paths.” Proverbs 3:5,6~
“As for me, I will call upon God, and the LORD shall save
me. Evening and morning and at noon I
will pray, and cry aloud, and He shall hear my voice. He has redeemed my soul in peace from the
battle that was against me.” Psalm 55: 16-18~
Have a beautiful day!
