December is for hosting...

children.  Children who don't have a family.


Last night was holy ground in an airport.  Families gathered... pacing... laughing nervously... staring at their watches... holding tight to balloons... and waiting.  Some waited to be reunited with children they have hosted before.  Some waited to embrace the children they are already in the process of adopting.  And others waited to see and embrace their host child for the first time.  And even others met their future children for the first time.

And it was beautiful.

A Grandfather crying precious tears was beautiful.

Children smiling huge smiles that said so much were beautiful.

Host family children who embraced the new ones were beautiful.

Mothers crying tears that only a mother can understand were beautiful.

Fathers trying to keep it all together and sometimes failing were beautiful.

First embraces were beautiful.

Hands held together walking away were beautiful.

God was beautiful. 

And He was there... hovering... whispering... comforting... filling... healing... guiding... supplying... overflowing... and breathing.

And it was oh so very precious and beautiful.


*I hope to get some permission from some soon and will share some pictures of this beautiful night.

December is a time for new mercies

"The LORD is good to all, And His tender mercies are over all His works."  Psalm 145:9~

"But I am like a green olive tree in the house of God;

 I will trust in the mercy of God forever and ever." Psalm 52:8~

"Mercy and truth have met together; Righteousness and peace have kissed.

Truth shall spring out of the earth, And righteousness shall look down from heaven."

 Psalm 85:10,11~

As tears stream down my face, I type the words, "I can't do this anymore."  My heart still pounds with emotion and the words are screaming from all corners of my mind.  The words are to my husband.  The words are about the almost daily battles/struggles with one of my daughters.  One who holds so much of my heart.  One who demands so much and leaves me often empty.  One who rejects me often.  One who clings to me in frail moments.  One who can fill me with purest joy with just a smile.  One who can bring up the vilest of who I can be.

This night has been hard.  My voice has been raised as my heart screamed in response, defense and exhaustion.  Sadness.  Exasperation.  Frustration.  Anger.  As my fingers cry upon the keyboard, crying out to my husband miles away, her door opens and footsteps descend the stairs, approaching in quiet haste.

How does she know I sit here broken?  A broken pile of failure and sadness.  A broken pile of a girl who tries to be a mom.  A broken pile of a girl who thinks she can not do it anymore.  A broken pile of a girl who thinks she doesn't even want to try anymore. 

She approaches and she is bearing gifts.  A small pink bowl with "food" and her favorite hand sanitizer.

She sets them down beside me.  Puts her hand on mine.  "I'm sorry."

Response is hard.  I have no idea how to respond.  Failing again.  I am empty.  Her previous words are ringing in my head.  Her defiance flashes before me and "Thank you," is all that comes up from within.

She goes to the kitchen and comes back with more offerings... a cold cup of water and a paper towel.  And she wipes my tears.  "Thank you," again is all I can offer in return.  I missed a moment.  I missed a moment of tender heart due to my own emptiness.  And I told her she should return to bed.  And she did.  I was still raw.

As I put on pajamas and brushed my teeth, my thoughts cried out to the LORD.  Numbness still hung on me like a heavy blanket that I couldn't shake.  And then the LORD did what He does best... He opened my eyes.



 Words from one of my favorite people came back to me.

“Joy is always a function of gratitude — and gratitude is always a function of perspective.

If we are going to change our lives,



what we’re going to have to change




is the way we see.”  Ann Voskamp~

Simple prayer offered.  Change what I see LORD.  PLEASE.  All I can see if defiance, stubbornness, ingratitude, greed, selfishness, spewing of words, lashing out, ugliness.  Change what I see.

And He did. 

Ann's words echo in my mind again.  Somewhere, in past posts or her book, she encouraged to keep seeking God in places you don't see Him because He is there.

LORD, where are you here?  Where are you in this?

Eyes opened, heart opened, and sin exposed.  There He was, in this, and there I stood, before Him, in rebellion, in defiance, in stubbornness, with ingratitude, greed, selfishness, spewing my words, lashing out, ugly.  Broken again.  There was the light.  And I, before the LORD, was just like Abby.  And yet... there He was.  Mercy.  Grace.  Christ.  Forgiveness.  Love.  Unfailing.  Over.  And over.  And over.  Everything I should be.  Everything I am not.

Had I not just earlier sat in the car and spewed words of anger after being "wronged" by another?  Had I not asked demanded my husband to call her and let her have it?  Had I not been so vile over a house? Over time?  Greed.  Ingratitude.  Selfishness.  Control.  Yes.  Yes I had.  That was me.  That was my ugly.  My sin.

"For the LORD is good; His mercy is everlasting,

And His truth endures to all generations."  Psalm 100:5~

"For your mercy is great above the heavens, and Your truth reaches to the clouds."  Psalm 108:4~

"The LORD is gracious and full of compassion, slow to anger and great in mercy.  The LORD is good to all, And His tender mercies are over all His works."  Psalm 145:8,9~

"Freely you have received.  Freely give."  Matthew 10:8b

Through Christ, the LORD sees me righteous.  Through Christ, I am a holy child of God.  Through Christ, I am forgiven.  Through Christ, I am new.  Through Christ, I am no longer a slave to sin.  I am so humbled.  Thanksgiving should be forever present on my lips.

Those are the eyes I need to see with.  Spiritual eyes.  Christ's eyes.  Not mine.

I must give mercy just as I receive it.  Daily.  AGAIN AND AGAIN.  I must see it's presence in everything.

I can do it again.  I can try to love her, guide her, parent her, shepherd her, accept her again and again.  I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.  Because His mercies are new each and every day.  And so will be mine.

December is for reflecting

I have mentioned that I am not sure if I will continue to blog.  There are several reasons behind the pondering.  One is that time becomes more and more precious with each passing hour!  Blogging used to be another creative outlet for me.  I enjoyed making banners and changing backgrounds and posting pictures... and writing.  But now I find it hard to get here a lot of the time.  I look on the right side and see my number of postings for the year and they are kinda pitiful!  HA  I also find it harder to take pictures like I used to... time... lack of!

I also have to be honest and find myself pondering the lack of comments a lot of time.  I mean, how can you read a post about hundreds of facebook people raising money... massive money... in 48 hours to bring home a child and say nothing.  It leaves me thinking several things... no one reads it, no one cares, everyone is tired of reading about orphans needing/finding homes, or no one knows how to leave a comment.  And honestly, I HATE caring about whether or not anyone leaves a comment.  But I do.  This blog has become an interactive blog and so crickets not even chirping sometimes makes me think I shouldn't even bother.

So then I thought about just enabling comments and not worrying about it anymore but then I am back to why bother?  I could use this time to write in journals and scrapbook and not worry about it anymore.

But then I LOVE to go back to 2006 and see how far Abby has come... how far the blog has come... how far our faith has come... how far God has brought us and all He has shown us and how He has grown us and it makes me want to continue.

So that is what I am pondering.  The honest version!  Because you know me... I love to be honest!
So I will continue praying about it and pondering and see what happens by the end of the month.
But in the meantime... if you are reading... and you do care... thanks!

December is for friends... who come and celebrate someone special with you... who share their hearts, their love, their time, their encouragement, their laughter, their support, their words, their lives... such beautiful blessings from the Lord.  We love you all and are deeply thankful for each one of you.  We are blessed to share life with you!  THANK YOU for making Don's birthday a special night and memory. xoxoxoxoxoxo

Dawn

December is for love...

to feel love, to give love, lay in love, smile in love, reflect on love, protect love, rejoice in love, celebrate love, glow in love, grow in love, laugh in love, move in love, rest in love, receive love, practice love, Love Love.

December is a time to celebrate...

Tomorrow is my love's birthday.

He likes chocolate.

He will get chocolate.

:0)

I am have something planned for him.

It makes me smile.

He makes me smile.

He is amazing.

He continues to amaze me.

I am so blessed to be his love.

We are so blessed to have each other.

 I am so thankful.

December is a time to celebrate.

I like December. ~

December

December arrives rather quickly and rest is on her wings.

She takes what has always been and transforms it before our eyes.

She delights our senses with sudden bursts of joy in the least expected places!

And she leaves us wanting more... and we inhale her beauty and tuck it deep inside.

I love December. 

"The heavens declare the glory of God; the skies proclaim the work of His hands.

Day after day they pour forth speech; night after night they display knowledge.

There is no speech or language where their voice is not heard.

Their voice goes out into all the earth, their words to the ends of the world."  Psalm 19:1-4~

JUST A GLIMPSE OF HIS GLORY!!!!!

It doesn't get much better than this... the Kingdom of God in action! PRAISE HIM!!!! I stand with lifted hands and PRAISE HIM in the highest voice I have available!!!!

With Faith Alone...Our Journey to Uganda: A Miracle for Esther: If you have been following our journey then you already know that my Esther is not doing well...but for those that are not up to date...we w...



P.S. I plan to post about future blogging soon.

Done...?

I may be done.  With blogging.  I am considering December being my last month to blog.  It's hard when I look at what has happened since 2006 since I started this thing.  Just seeing pictures of Abby then can just make me cry.  But I have some mixed emotions.  I don't know.  But I am considering.

I'll have the week off next week as we travel and enjoy family and friends.  I wish you all the most wonderful and blessed Thanksgiving holiday.  May it be the start to Thanksliving forever!!!

Much love...

Never, ever stop asking...

We can have such little patience with our God who bathes us in His grace and abundant patience each and every moment of our life.  What would our life look like if God had patience with us at the same level as we have with Him?  Wow.  What about the patience we offer to others?  Wow.  Hopefully that causes you to stop and take a little inventory of yourself as it does with me.  Patience has never been one of my greatest fruits.  Are there things in our spiritual lives we have stopped seeking because they didn't arrive on our time table?  Are there prayers we have stopped praying because we didn't get the answer we wanted when we wanted it?  Are there people we have given up on because they have not become who we wanted them to become when we wanted them to?  Have we stopped seeking because we actually may think we have it all or because more is not that important?  Or because we didn't find what we were looking for fast enough? 

This scripture in Matthew seems pretty clear... almost too clear.  And yet, we can run right past it... or even say it doesn't mean what it really says.  But it says, "seek and you will find"... not seek and you might find... not seek for as long as you want and you might find... but seek and you will find... knock and the door will be opened to you.  The trick is believing and faith and endurance.  Knock.  How many times?  Until the door is opened.  Because the LORD says it will be opened.  Believe that and KEEP knocking until it is opened... because it will open!!  And how long do we seek... until we find because if we believe we will find... we will seek until we do!

Lies and distractions keep us from the promises of the LORD.  I am so very thankful for His promises and His word that breathe life into me and give me the strength I need to walk this journey.  I am so very thankful for the Holy Spirit who opens our eyes and ears and unveils God's word to penetrate deep down and TRANSFORM us.  Transformation is one of the most beautiful parts of being a Christian... and the most painful.  Dying to ourselves each and every day and looking exposed sin in the face and rebuking it, repenting of it, and leaving it, fresh and radiant is His light and grace, is one of the most beautiful privileges of being His child. 

Whatever you are seeking in the LORD... KEEP SEEKING... UNTIL you FIND!

And whatever door you are knocking on before the LORD... KEEP KNOCKING UNTIL is OPENS...

Because His word is TRUTH!

BELIEVE. 

Fall is well underway!  Leaves are falling in rapid fashion and many trees are already bare... standing and soaking up the sun... getting ready for their winter rest.

The colors of fall just make me happy inside.  Such vibrant colors have commanded my attention on numerous occasions this fall.  Sadly... I busticated my camera coming back from FL and now it's off in a Nikon factory somewhere... all alone.  And I am missing great opportunity for pictures.  Boo Whooo. :0(

But I did manage to snap these at a Punko Patch with Abby's class on her fall trip a couple weeks ago.

I think she and I both could have just stayed in that tiny little petting zoo all day with the sheep and the bunnies.  The poor sheep did not seem to be all that happy about all the little paws pawing them.

This was the friendliest one there and she just sat there the whole time... poor dear.  The others all huddled up under the bunny cages and acted like there was a pack of wolves in house!  I felt so bad for them.

Here is Abby's teacher!  Isn't she just the cutest thing ever!  I simply adore her and her love for the Lord and for her class!  She is amazing and such an answer to prayer.  Hugs to you little Miss Thing! :0)

I am overflowing with thankfulness today.  I am so excited to be in VA next week for my favorite holiday... Thanksgiving.  The entire thought of it leaves me all warm and fuzzy inside!  I am already planning for the car activites!  And we are stopping in Fredericksburg on the way to see some great friends from our past and share dinner and breakfast with them!  What a bonus!

I will have to take my little tiny snap and shoot camera. :0(  But some pictures will be better than no pictures.  And when I am there... I may sneak some shots with my mom's mac daddy try to make me jealous and sin camera!  She just got it a couple months ago and I may need to try it out! :0)

10 Thankfuls for Today!

1. Thankful that Abby has gone two mornings without a seizure! Praise the LORD!

2. Thankful for the ability to spend my favorite holiday with family I love so so much!

3. Thankful for AMAZING and POWERFUL prayer, healing, and encouragement Saturday night at our night of fellowship!!!!

4. Thankful that the LORD doesn't leave us alone... He calls us closer and closer and reveals the things that keep us from Him, sin, so we can repent and be free of them!

5. Thankful for amazing friends who are coming tonight to pray over our home!

6. Thankful for a full pantry and fridge.  Thank you Father!

7. Thankful for my husband's job, the flexibility is gives our family, the health insurance it provides, the travel benefits, and the income!

8. Thankful for sweet friends who are real and true and loyal and constant.

9. Thankful for a warm home with yummy new paint and the fabulous shutters my man is building for us!

10. God's active, alive, audacious power and His mercy, love, grace and constant Presence!

Happy Month of Thanksgiving!!!!

Some house fun...

Here is what our house used to look like...

And here she is now!  Wooo Whooo!

Don is still making the shutters... they will finish it off but for now... we are loving her makeover!

She seriously needs a landscaping face lift... maybe in the Spring.

And I have been having some fun inside too...

I was inspired by this...

this...

and this!

And so I went from this...

Horrible mess...

(so sorry it is blurry.  The flash was killing the shot and the closet was dark enough for the shutter to be open long enough for any movement to ruin it! :0( )

to this...

and from this...

to this!

Every time I walk in the closet now, my insides smile!  No more YUCK feeling when I walk in!  It's is AMAZING what organizing a space can do for your insides! :0)

This was the best purchase I have made in a while.  I pulled down the hanging shoe bags as they took up way too much room on the small rack that can hold my dresses.  They also took up space from the rack next to it.  SO I bought this six hole cubby shelf thingie at Home Depot!  I put my sweaters in there and bought the little cubbies for my shoes!  Summer sandals and strappies went up in a brown storage box on a high shelf... then flip flops are on one cubby and casual shoes and flats in the other two.  They are OFF THE FLOOR!  And they are organized!  Now I can see them better too and change up what I am wearing and not get stuck in a rut! :0)

I also moved my bags to the bottom shelf so I could reach them better and organized my belts and scarves.  It's the small things! :0)

I can see everything so much better now!  It's already helped me be more creative with my outfits too!  You know how important that is!

Here is a glimpse of the MESS!

And now here it is.  There is still some MESS that I have to put away... somewhere...

:0)

But my closet is 1000 times better!!!!

Smiles in the storm...

It's a picture like this that helps get me through a trying time.

Here we are, in the middle of a struggle with Abbers... and yet, we can still have a beautiful day like this.

We were so blessed to go to the GA game this past Saturday and share it with some wonderful friends!

Our friends in this picture, Ann and Greg, are two of the most generous and amazing hearts I know!  Just seeing Ann's smile (and her mother's) makes me light up from the inside! :0)  And her husband is one of my mission heroes!  He has an amazing heart and he has spunk!  And of course, I love spunk when it is spunking for the kingdom!  :0)

The weather was amazing and we were GIVEN three tickets by a stranger that we then were so blessed to give to one other couple (who had never been to a game) and to another guy who needed one!  It is so fun to GIVE!!!!!

Then we found amazing tickets for less than face value.  It was a blowout game but it was still fun to be there!  I felt so badly for the other team and so I cheered for them a little and was so glad when they scored again! :0)

Abby was bored to frowns! :0(  I should have packed her some activities... lesson learned.  But Taylor got into it!

The day after this picture was taken, Abby had another hard and long seizure.  My heart sank and cried.  It is so very hard to watch her face squinch up, to see her drool, and to see her jerk and choke.  I ride such a roller coaster of emotions as I watch her in those moments.  Anger (at the enemy).  Frustration (at the situation).  Sadness (for her little body and mind).  Anxiety (at the thought we are just missing something).  Desperation (for the healing of Christ).  Determination (to not give up).  Exhaustion (that we are here again).  Sorrow (that I can't seem to help her).  Hope (that God will heal her).

And then I saw this picture again.  And saw her smile.  And I feel, deep down, she will be just fine, despite these horrible attacks.

"Then your light will break forth like the dawn, and your healing will quickly appear; then your righteousness will go before you, and the glory of the LORD will be your rear guard.  Then you will call the LORD will answer; you will cry for help and He will say: Here am I."  Isaiah 58:8,9~

"But now, this is what the LORD says- He who created you, O Jacob, He who formed you, O Israel:

Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have summoned you by name; you are mine.  When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you.  When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze.  For I am the LORD your God, the Holy One of Israel, your Savior."  Isaiah 43:1-3~

"Now to Him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to His power that is at work within us- to Him be the glory in the church and in Jesus Christ throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen."  Ephesians 3:20, 21~ 

Fall is a time to fight... and a time for faith.

My precious Abby is fighting again.  And so am I.

Like the arrival of fall brings falling leaves, it also seems to bring with her an increase in seizures for my little brave fighter.  Each October the trend begins.  Each summer, as she does so well, I think this year may be different.  We pray.  We praise.  We pray.  We fast.  We pray.  We praise. 

We are praying for a decrease in Abby's seizures.  We are praying for healing.  We are praying for mercy.  We are praying for power.  We are praying for grace.  We are praying for faith.

I was reading in my devotional the other night and the words hit me in the face.  It said, "Faith is not believing that God can heal.  Faith is believing God wants to and will."  I pondered that over and over.  I have said many times that I believe God can heal her but didn't know if He wanted to.  Not that He is simply overlooking her, or choosing for her to suffer, but that He might have some other plan for her... for this... for us. 

It is a hard time but as always... it pushes us closer to the Father's feet and makes us search harder and deeper for His face.

Your prayers are such a gift.  We never take one for granted.

As always, I love to ask for specific prayers.  So here is my list if you want to take a moment and pray through it!  Add any other fabulous requests you can give Him of course!!

1. For complete and total healing.

2. Protection over Abby from falls, over her body, her heart, her mind, and her abilities.

3. For her body to get what it needs nutritionally to provide for her.

4. Faith to be increased in much measure for Don and me.

5. For God to give us wisdom and strength and energy and peace.

6. For us to see God in this.

7. Silence the lies of the enemy that come hand in hand with these attacks.

8. For God to be glorified in this trial.

9. Praise the Lord for what He has already done for Abby... for how He has healed her!

10. Praise Him for what He is going to do in her life!

Thank you.  So so so much... thank you.

Oh Pinterest...

There is a little website I like to go to when I need a brain break.  I don't watch tv except for the occassional show on Netflix and so sometimes when I am fried from the parenting/cleaning/laundry routine of life... I click over to this little website called "Pinterest" and escape.  Not only do I find beautiful things to look at... I often find inspiration!

So I have decided to share some of my Pinterest finds here from time to time because they are just too good to keep to myself! :0)

Tonight's little jaunt brought me these little ideas...

Look at these totally adorable bookmarkers!  Get some free paint chips and get to work!  Instead of the metal gramits (sp?), you could also use the white sticker circle thingies you put on the holes of your notebook paper... may be easier and cheaper!  This will be a great winter project with the chillies and I have tons of rubber stamps!  This would be fun to make at a birthday party too!

Then there is this adorable gift idea!  How fun to give to new neighbors!  You could also do one with magnets to local pizza places, local "to go" menus, and other items.  For a teacher, it could have an apple, pencils, dry erase markers, sticky notes, and tape in it!  Or a smores kit for a friend!  Or make-up for a teen birthday gift!  Or full of hot wheels for a little boy!  The ideas are endless and these jars are at Wal-Mart for about $5 or World Market for $3.50!  Totally using this idea forever!

And then there are these wonderful little outfit boards!  They are some of my favorite things to find!  I can get in a clothes rut and when I do, I run down and get an idea from Pinterest!  I usually have something similar enough to pull off the look.  I have a black fitted t-shirt, an off white scarf, gray sweater, jeans and red shoes!  Don't laugh when you see me in this get up!  LOL

Then there is the whole... "WISH THIS WERE MY HOUSE" section!  Yeah.  I can dream!

And last, but so not least, are the precious pictures of God's creatures that bring me joy the moment I see them!  I mean, how can you be in a bad mood when you see this baby?  LOVE HIM!

I do have to say/warn that Pinterest does have images on there that I WISH they would not have there... or at least have in another section.  It is the one thing I HATE about the site.  But when I am logged in, they are few as they are not the items I click on or pin.  Other than that, it's my little esacpe from time to time!

http://www.pinterest.com/