The important things and that never ending search for balance.

I have just concluded two rough weeks.  I can't concentrate, as I have said before.  I don't have enough time, as everyone says! HA  My house is a disaster.  I DID get the christmas tree down and put away.  But Christmas boxes are still sitting in the dinning room along with the kid's Christmas tree and other things that need to be boxed up.  Laundry is screaming from the hampers.  Brenda's room still has the bed unmade from where it was stripped when she left and the matress topper and coverlet are in the floor.  The floors get cleaned and then are trashed again within an hour with muddy paw prints from the wet swamp mud pit in the back yard and debris/dirt/trash from the garage floor. 

Marc's room floor is scattered with toys.  Abby's room is not.

 As a discipline measure, I packed up all her toys last week.  This took an entire day.  I purged as I boxed and then I made a "treasure box" out of her favorite things.  There is a gallon zip lock bag with three Barbies and some outfits.  There is a quart zip lock bag of crayons.  There are coloring books and of course her favorite books, Madeline, Curious George, and her magazines the G-Mom gave her a subscription to for Christmas.  Now she gets to earn her priviledges back after two days in a row of good choices and good behavior.  It is working so very well.  I am so thankful to my friend Mary Jane who put the idea in my head as her husband had just packed up sweet Bella's toys the day before we visited her farm.

When Abby walked into her room and saw the cleaned out shelves and closet, she said, "Thank you". 

My mom to mom group had talked about children being overwhelmed by the amount of toys they have, the number of books, and activities to choose from and how they actually need their rooms decluttered to declutter their minds and their little lives.  When she looked around and said, "Thank you," I became a true believer.  She picked a doll her first time in the box and a bag of crayons for the second.  She plays with that doll all day and has been coloring like crazy.  It has made her happier which in turn makes me happier.  And she is very good about her choices (most of the time) as she wants to earn some of her things back.  I am so thankful.

I am feeling a bit aggitated that I can't do everything I want to do in a day.  But I am trying to pick the things that matter.  I thought about not going to Mom to Mom on Thursday to stay home and clean.  That day not only did I get some great guidance, I had 6 women hold hands and pray blessings and protection over Brenda in agreement before the Lord, another woman allow us to lay hands on and pray protection over something very important to her right now, another one let us in to some deep pain she is going through, and another one just rejoice in the fact that we were all together.  I could have stayed home and done laundry... and I would have missed something very beautiful and meaningful.  I would have missed God.

So I am going to quit blogging and go do loads of laundry, make beds, clean a kitchen and my bathroom before we go spend the afternoon with dear friends.  And I know that the house will not be perfect when I leave, but I will get to see God.  And that's more important to me than clean floors anyday of the week!

NEW BLOG!

Precious friends... I have received a huge response and I thank you so much for your friendship and prayers and willingness to walk with us through another adoption journey.  I actually made a new blog today to keep it all seperate from "One Beautiful Life".  I struggled because I often get emails from people who have stumbled upon my blog and have been ministered to... I love how God can do that!  And so I leave this one open for His will and have started a new one for Brenda.  Even working on it today has brought me joy!  SOOO... all of you who have and will email me... I'll be sending you the address to the closed blog for Brenda on Monday.  Thank you again for your love... I just adore you!

NOTE:

Email me please-  allfromhim@bellsouth.net- if you want to continue following my blog.  I am making it private on Monday, Feb. 1, 2010 for as long as needed.  I need the support, love, and encouragement from you all AND your prayers.  The need for it to become private has arrived.  Thank you.
Dawn~

Trust

Trust is a funny thing.  It's a very hard thing to do.  It openes the door for doubts and major attacks from the enemy.  Yes.  Yes.  Yes.  We want to and are trying to adopt Brenda.  We were not allowed to say so until she was asked by the orphan court and had made a decision not reflective of our desire.  She was asked, she said yes, and that's not enough.  This is difficult. 

There is more but I will have to privately share that with you.  THIS IS DIFFICULT.

We want to move forward with the paperwork so that when the "ok" arrives, we are already half way or moreso there.  But several of the steps require large amounts of money that we don't want to spend if they decide she really doesn't want to be adopted.  THIS IS DIFFICULT.

My God says to trust in him.  He says he knows the desires of my heart.  He says he wants to give me the desires of my heart.  He says he will not leave a good thing he has started unfinished.  He says his ways are not our ways.  He says lean not on your own understanding.   He brought her here to us.  He led us and gave us an advocate heart for children.  He provided the funds to get her here.  He gave her the courage to trust us.  He loved her through us and she saw him.  He loves her more than I can even imagine loving her.  He is in control of everything.  He can handle everything.  He wants to love and redeem her.  He has her in his hands.  This is the God I lay my burdens down before every morning.  This is the God I cry out to when my mother's heart is breaking and feeling helpless.  This is the God I fall into when I am feeling afraid.  This is the God I will daily surrender to and trust... even if I have a venting moment or two.  I love my God, he loves me, and he loves Brenda.  He is the Ancient of Days.  I will trust him.  I will.

Pause music on player at bottom left!
One of my new favorites! 
Enjoy.  Happy Tuesday. 
Pray.
Dawn~

Who can forget!?

Here it is... a reminder of how HIDEOUS our master bath was when we bought this house last summer.

But I knew it had potential... this is what I saw in my head...

Goodbye HIDEOUS crawling creeping magnolias that caused HIDEOUS headaches when you walked into the room!  Hello cool and calming favorite color pale blue with white, black and rubbed bronze accents!
I LOVE this room now.

The window by the tub is one of my many favorites about the house.  I love the way the light streams through...warming the room and tile floor... shinning on your face when you steal away for a tubby!

It totally bothers me the builder didn't center it on this wall... but that would have made sense!  So I live with it slammed in the corner!  Builders need much more female imput when building and drawing up plans!  Electrical outlets in the middle of the wall as well as thermostats drive me crazy!  And light switches on the wrong side of the door.  Ok... take a breath... better now.

My super favorite part about this window is looking out at the ridge line and the amazing sunsets it frames every single night!  Sometimes I am downstairs and see an amazing display of God's creativity through my kitchen window and then run up here to get a "better" look!

This was where a lovely gold towel bar was attached to the wall.  I hate towels draped on bars like bad accessories and I am way not a gold girl... jewelry or house hardware... so Fly Boy took down the rod and we attached the hooks right to the wood that the bar was attached to and we love it!  Still have to replace door knobs and Fly boy is spray painting the hinges of the doors and cabinets with this great metal spray paint from Home Depot that has metal in it!  Rubbed Bronze is our flavor!  Instead of paying $4 a hinge... we paid $7 for a can and just went to town!  We did it in the kitchen too!  And several metal gold light fixtures!

 

We went ahead and replaced faucets and knobs with rubbed bronze.  We took the gold light fixture from this bathroom and painted with the metal spray paint and put it in Abby's bathroom... she had raw lightbulbs in there (yuck) and wanted a bit more weight in ours.  If you look in the mirror, you will see another quick and almost free fix.  The shower doors are trimmed in... yep... gold.  So I bought a shower rod and hung a white shower curtain I already had over them.  Wah Lah... no screamin gold!  I just close my eyes when I walk into the shower!  Later in life... granite and higher cabinets will finish this room off.  For now... we enjoy it!

 

And here are the girls enjoying it... along with the tubby dress up dolls from Grammy! 

More redo pics to come... thanks for your patience.

Sunday

"And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him,

who have been called according to his purpose."  Romans 8:28~

"However it is written: "No eye has seen, no ear has heard, no mind has conceived

what God has prepared for those who love him" but God has revealed it to us BY HIS SPIRIT. 

The Spirit of God searches all things, even the deep things of God." I Corinthians 1: 9,10~

"This is what we speak, not in words taught to us by human wisdom but in words taught by the Spirit, expressing spiritual truths in spiritual words....." I Corinthians 1: 13-16~

"For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways," declares the Lord.

 "As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts.  As the rain and the snow come down from heaven and do not return to it without watering the earth and making it bud and flourish, so that it yields seed for the sower and bread for the eater,

so is my word that goes out of my mouth: It will not return to me empty,

but will accomplish what I desire and achieve the purpose for which I sent it." Isaiah 55: 8-11~

"Praise the Lord, all you nations; extol him, all you peoples. 

For great is his love towards us, and the faithfulness of the Lord endures forever. 

Praise the Lord."  Psalm 117~

Need I say more...???

This has been a trying week, yet also one with great presence of the Lord, hope, and peace.  Friday brings with it some closure and some anticipation.  Friday is a good day.

Fly Boy gets home from a three day this afternoon and I am hoping to go out for some time alone.  I have a great book I am reading and am also very much wanting to purchase the "Consumed" album by Jesus Culture.  Great music, great book, and great company (my Lord) is always a great recipe for some refreshing of heart, spirit, and soul.

I have a friend from high school who left on the 21st to go to China to meet, hold, love, and bring home her second, "hand picked" from God, daughter!  I am so excited for her... for all of them.  A team from New Horizons for Children left this week, as well, to travel to Latvia, Ukraine, and Russia to speak with the children who were here and interview new ones.  Prayers for these two situations are so appreciated.  It was very disappointing and frustrating that our question has still not been asked.  Waiting is very, very hard.

This pic if from my friend's blog and I had to add it as it made me laugh out loud about 6 times!  I am guessing it was not Friday here!

Happy Weekend... and be sure there are no giggling children in your dryer before you turn it on!

Dawn~

Stuff...

Wow.  Distracted.  Frustrated.  Anxious.  Surrendered.  That's been the last few days.  There is so much to say.  Yet, because some dear child has access to my blog, careful words are required for now.  Frustrating.  How I long to spill my heart, as I longed to do many times she was here.  But we can't.  We are not allowed.  For various reasons.  Good reasons.  Thought out reasons.  But it makes it no easier.  Are you with me at all!?

"Be anxious in nothing, but in EVERYTHING by prayer and supplication, WITH THANKSGIVING let your requests be made known to God; and the PEACE of GOD, which SURPASSES ALL UNDERSTANDING, will GUARD your HEARTS and MINDS THROUGH CHRIST JESUS." Philippians 4: 6,7~

This scripture is what I am clinging to right now.  This is what I am proclaiming, pressing into my heart, trying to remain focused on and surrending to yesterday, today, and tomorrow.  I LOVE God's word and the way it breaths on us and speaks to us.  What a precious and holy gift to us.

I have felt like a school girl having her first crush... that lack of concentration.  Latvia is 7 hours ahead of us in time.  So here it what it is like... sometimes in my head... for ten seconds... ready....?

What time is it? 

What time is it there?

I wonder if she is home from school yet?

What did she wear... something I bought her?

Did she have a good day?

I wonder if she has piano practice?

I wonder if she has left me a message yet?

I wonder if she feels lonely?

I wonder if she really knows how much I love her/we love her?

Why has it not happened yet?

When are they going to ask?

Seriously... what is the hold up?

Stop it. Calm down.  Get a grip.

Should I call the coordinator?

Should I send the lawyer a friend request?

No.

Stop.

Relax.

Breathe.

Focus.

OK. Better now.  God is in control.

God is in control.

God is in control.

God's plan for me/for us is good.

I need to pray.

Stop and pray.

Yeah.  That's just a glimpse!  HA.

The Lord brought peace to me Monday night. What a sweet gift.  To feel that peace come, in the midst of your circumstances that are still the same, and to know that it is the peace mentioned in the above scripture, is just the most precious and calming thing... gift... blessing.  So I have had much less of the above moments, although they slip in from time to time.  Instead of walking in circles and having them 100 times a day... I may be down to 5 times a day.  Instead of checking my messages 20 times a day... I try and check just 3! :0)

On other news... Abby's health is a huge praise right now!  We have had two seperate intense prayer times of healing for her and she is doing amazingly!  She is getting out like 5 to 6 thoughts at a time!  HUGE.  She also just hopped on her scooter, pushed about four times, then slid the right foot up behind the left on the scooter and rode it down the road, balanced... she has NEVER been able to do that.  HUGE!  We also have decreased her Topamax two times for a total of three times and she is now at half her original dosage... just 125 mg per day instead of 250!  AND she is not having seizures!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  PRAISE THE LORD WHO REIGNS IN HEAVEN AND ON EARTH!  We are decreasing again this Saturday night!  I am so excited for her and thankful to HIM!

" As for me, I will call upon God, And the Lord shall save me.  Evening, morning, and at noon I will pray, and cry aloud, and He shall hear my voice."  Psalm 55: 16,17

I do have a prayer request.  My mother had a knee replacement surgery today.  Everything went well and she is home resting!  Prayers for her continued healing, self control to obey doctors orders, and renewing of body and spirit are so appreciated!  THANK YOU.

Much love... and hugs... Dawn

Sunday 5:25 p.m.

The Lord is my strength, and I will forever call to Him.

The Lord is my shield, and I will forever cling to Him.

The Lord is my light, and I will forever seek Him.

The Lord is my path, and I will forever run to Him.

The Lord is my comfort, and I will forever fall into Him.

The Lord is my guide, and I will forever trust in Him.

The Lord is my provider, and I will forever pray to Him.

The Lord is my security, and I will forever rest in Him.

The Lord is my Father, and I will forever love Him.

The Lord is my Saviour, and I will forever proclaim Him.

The Lord is my Redeemer, and I will forever praise Him.

The Lord is my Everything, and I will forever be whole in Him.

Dawn~ (turn off music before playing)

And so I worship...

Questions!

Hello.  Happy Saturday.

We tried to skype our sweet Brenda this morning and she could see us but we could not see her.  We are using Fly Boy's Netbook.  Anyone know what we may be doing wrong!?

She asked me to set up a twitter account.  I am SO "LD" when it comes to all that stuff.  I accidently friended 20 twits that I want to remove.  Can't find how to delete them.  Can anyone can help me with that!?

It is hard to concentrate.  I am thinking about communicating with her all the time.  I have such a void and the language barrier is much harder when you are not standing with each other.  I am starting a journal for her today.

Some of you have asked questions in my comments.   They will be answered soon... soon.... :0)

Please help me if you can!?
THANK YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!

A Day At The Farm...

We had the BLESSING of spending Brenda's last day at the farm of my dear and amazingly precious friend, Mary Jane.  She and her husband, David, gave the kids and I a wonderful memory that we will hold dear for a very long time!  These are Mary Jane's shoes... Mary Jane is not a farm girl... she is trapped in an episode of "Green Acres" but she does it with grace and style!  And I simply adore her! (The dirt on her left foot is from one of her horses licking it! :0)

After a yummy lunch, we started our adventure with the horses.  I honestly don't know who enjoyed this more, me or the kids.  I LOVE animals and think horses are some of God's most amazing creatures.  Just being near them makes me feel His presence... majestic and strong yet gentle and loving!

This is Missy.  She is precious, sweet and amazing.  I am in love with her.  She was very interested in my camera.

She sniffed it, nibbled it, posed for it... it was adorable.  And at one point, she set her head on my shoulder... I could have just stayed there with her all day!

This is Thor.  Do you see Abby?  So you see how Thor's head is almost as large as Abby!  Thor was stunning... HUGE... but malnourished.  Thor is a rescue horse.  His owners could not feed him and so he was given to my friends.  Praise the Lord!  Now they are feeding him and loving him.

Thor stole my heart.  Something inside Thor is wounded, I can see it in his eyes.  His spirit is wounded and I just wanted to love on him all day.  He did not like my camera at all.  The sound of the shutter scared him and he would leave me.  It broke my heart and I handed my camera to David.

Thor has my heart.  I am praying for Thor... for healing and strength.  And I will be going back to love on him REALLY soon!

The kids loved feeding the horses carrots.  Brenda was totally loving it!  Abby was fearless... I love that!  At first we kept them out of the fence.   There were 6 horses and a donkey (Sicilian donkey) and so we didn't want anyone stepped on.

The miniature horses were right at Marc's level and he got a kick out of them.  One nibbled his hand and he let out an aggravated sqawk that was hillarious... but he too had no fear... LOVE IT!

After the horses and a brief stop at the frozen lake to throw sticks, rocks, and ice... the kids got to play on a log pile!  Amazing how kids can have so much fun just climbing on logs!

The precious and gorgeous dogs, Bandit and Possum, got to join us for this part.  They are Australian Shepherds (I think) and were just beautiful and sweet.  Brenda has the same love for animals as I do... I LOVE THAT!

Marc was only allowed to play on the bottom two logs... you can see he was not happy about that!  Bella is so precious and spunkie!  She was always offering to hold Marc's hand and walk with him... it was cute.  He wouldn't even look at her or smile for his picture... he was giving me his "tood"!

 

Then the adventure got kicked up a notch!  David came by to "work" and we ended up talking him into a ride!  The kids piled in the back and hung onto the roll bar.  Marc and I sat in the back in a little bed.

Mary Jane and Bella got in front with David and we were off!  And off!  And off!

As you can see, it evoked pure delight and deep joy!  I LOVE IT!  Abby started out with two pony tails and ended up with one and a big whack across the face from a tree branch... but she didn't care!

I thought we were going for a little jaunt around the field. Oh no!  We were off into the woods and then deep into the swamp!  It was amazing and so much fun!  The kids thought it was the best thing in the world!  They were hooting and hollering... it was great!

How cool is it to have this in your back woods!

The dogs were also loving chasing us and running with us... they are so stinkin precious.

Then when we got back to the fields, David did a VERY COOL thing.  He taught Brenda to drive the thing!  The kids and Mary Jane got out and he pressed the gas as she steered.  And something very beautiful happened... she bloomed in front of my eyes.  She wouldn't do it without me in there with David.  She was very nervous yet something was driving her to try... to trust.

After about three or four minutes, she went from very concentrated and timid to...

this... confident, happy, proud, and ready for more!

It was amazing to see her transform.

We got out and he let her drive by herself... she continued to bloom... then he let his boys get in with her... and she was full!  It was simply a very cool moment... I am so thankful for it David... thank you.

Oh sweet friends... thank you so very much.  Our last day could have only been better if Daddy had been there with us.  You have made such an amazing memory with us... I will treasure it and you forever!  Lots of love... hugs... and see you soon!

Post Edit: 10:58 a.m.

I just got a message from Brenda's foster sister that she is there, safe.  Brenda sent me a message... it simply said, "I miss you."

So Touched

I am just so blown away by our friends.  I am so blown away by the way God is loving us and blessing us through you right now.  So many people were touched by Brenda when she was here.  So many friends reached out and blessed us in so so many ways. 

Yesterday, two friends stopped by after reading my post... one with tulips and sunshine for me (smile) and another with love and hugs (smile).  They stopped by within 15 minutes of each other.  My phone has been filling up with texts from friends praying for us and loving us today... checking in on me.  My email has received several "love notes" as well as my answering machine.  And yes, I am even being loved on face book.

Today was such a mixture of emotions.  Awaking on the day you are sending someone you love greatly away is very difficult.  But I tried so hard to keep it together.  She was brave.  I was brave.  My Lord was strength.

Watching her walk out of my eyesight was difficult and the rush of emotions came for a moment and then they were free.  New and very precious friends stayed with us at the airport for two hours afterwards, loving us, just being there, making it much easier to walk to my car.

And then we napped.  And when we awoke, I felt rested and ready and excited.  God has something amazing in store and I am waiting... so very ready and anxious.

THANK YOU MY PRECIOUS FRIENDS.  Thank you for the nights having us over for dinner. Thank you for the breakfast and shopping trip out. Thank you for the gifts given at church.  Thank you for the gifts given before she came (YOU were a part of her being here) and after.  Thank you for the joy you shared with us, the questions you asked, and the memories made. THANK YOU for showing her and us God's love... we are swimming in it!  You all amaze me... over and over again.  And thank you for reaching out to us, praying for us, and loving us today... I will never forget the comfort, healing, hope, and warmth it brought!

I love you so very much.  Dawn~

The Last Day

My heart is in disbelief that a month has gone by since Brenda has been with us. 

It is very had right now.  We will be visiting a friend's farm today to hang out with horses, goats and chickens.  After being farm girls, we will come home and pack.  Then we will go to dinner at our favorite restaurant.  Then we will come home and have "family time"... one of Brenda's favorite things we do.  Fly boy will make a fire, we'll put on some music, and sit on the sofa together under blankets and just look at each other... hug, cuddle, smile, pray.  We will give Brenda and Abby matching angel wing necklaces... and pray for God's protection, mercy, grace, and blessings over them.   We will take their mattress, put it in our room, and all go to sleep together.  Then tomorrow morning will arrive and we will leave the house at 7:30 a.m. to put our precious Brenda on a plane to go home to Latvia.

Please pray.  Pray for God to protect her heart, to protect her physically, to protect her spiritually, to guide her, to cover her with His strength, grace. mercy, and LOVE!  And please pray for Abby to be covered with His peace, hope, grace, and protection!  THANK YOU!!!!!  Much love... Dawn

Monday 9: 43 a.m.

Three full days left.  The heaviness has arrived.

And Then It Snowed...

There is something so magical and heavenly about snow to me.  Probably because we live in a state where it is a rare treat.  But snow makes me happy and I am in awe of the beauty created by everything being sprinkled with heaven's dust.  We were given the gift of such a sprinkle Thursday night!

"Give unto the Lord, O you mighty ones, Give unto the Lord glory and strength.  Give unto the Lord the glory due to His name; Worship the Lord in the beauty of holiness.  The voice of the Lord is over the waters; The God of glory thunders; The Lord is over many waters." Psalm 29: 1-3~

"The voice of the Lord is powerful.  The voice of the Lord is full of majesty.  The voice of the Lord breaks cedars of Lebanon.  He makes them also skip like a calf, Lebanon and Siron like a young wild ox." Psalm 29: 4-6~

The voice of the Lord divides the flames of fire.  The voice of the Lord shakes the wilderness; The Lord shakes the wilderness of Kadesh.  The voice of the Lord makes the deer give birth, And strips the forest bare; And in His temple everyone says, Glory!"  Psalm 29: 7-9 ~

"The Lord sat enthroned at the Flood, And the Lord sits King forever.  The Lord will give strength to His people; The Lord will bless His people with peace." Psalm 29: 10, 11~

It was a beautiful morning enjoying God's creation, His beauty, His gift, and His presence.  This is my stone of remembrance.  It came home in my pocket.  It's the first of many to come home with me this year!

Hugs and much love... Dawn~